


Planets Bend Between Us

by brunetteandblond



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Denial of Feelings, F/F, Temporarily Unrequited Love, derek tries to get emily to date, emily and her walls, will sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-06-14 06:09:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 48,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15382383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brunetteandblond/pseuds/brunetteandblond
Summary: Emily is trying to get over her feelings for JJ by dating someone else. Emily meets Remi, a charming professor, who seems perfect for her. So why is it that Emily still can't get the blonde out of her head? A multi-chapter story with JEMILY pairing.





	1. things ain’t like how they used to be

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds!
> 
> Hey guys! I'm back with my chapter long stories! These chapters are going to be shorter, don't worry. :)

"Prentiss, what has that tequila done to you?" Derek Morgan asked as he took a seat next to his friend and colleague.

The profiler, who had been sitting at the bar for hours, rolled her eyes. She adored her partner, but after the shit day she had, the last thing she wanted was to have a conversation.

"Morgan, please, don't. I really just want to be alone."

Derek frowned. "Emily, I know you don't like to talk about your feelings, but we just got home. You should be drinking in celebration that we solved that case and finally got out of that heat. Not moping around like you just got your heart broken."

Emily flinched at those words, and Derek noticed the change in her body position. He unnerved her and didn’t know why. It wasn’t like she was dating anyone (not that he was sure that she would tell him such a thing). But he could tell that the woman seemed off during the duration of the case. Like something about the case bothered her. Or... or maybe someone bothered her. He reviewed his memory of the past few hours and Emily's change in mood and demeanor, and the realization dawned on him. This was all because of JJ (and her relationship with Will).

"I'm sorry, Prentiss. I didn't know you, er— had feelings for… JJ."

He dropped the bomb and waited for a reaction.

She remained still, trying to prove her fortitude even though she felt uncharacteristically weak at the moment.  

"It's fine. She's with Will. He makes her happy. That's alright with me."

"Did she even know how you feel about her? I thought you were the one that convinced her to go to him?"

Emily drank another shot. She was not in the mood to talk about her feelings or how she totally screwed up. "Look, Morgan, you're a good guy. But I'm not just going to drink here and talk about my feelings. I don't do that. You don't do that.  _We_  don't do that. So you are just going to walk away and keep this to yourself, yeah?" She didn't want to hurt him, she just wanted him to go away.

But he wouldn’t surrender. No, that was not the Derek Morgan way to handle things. He wanted to help, whether she wanted it or not. He knew exactly what would make her change her mind.

"I know we don't talk about our feelings. We're work partners. We spend all of our time together. I get that you don't want to talk to me about this kind of thing. But I'm here for you. If you ever need someone to talk to you, I'm here." He smiled at her and got up to leave.

She felt guilty for pushing him away. Before he turned away, she muttered, "Wait. Stay. Maybe I do need to talk about this with someone. I don't want to be all… feel-y when I see JJ next."

Derek, hiding his cheeky grin, sat back down and ordered a beer. He took a sip and asked, "Why didn't you tell me, Emily? I mean I think we all knew that you're gay. You've never shown any interest in men. Hell, even me. But you could have told me."

"I don't tell anyone. It's not a big deal. I don't do relationships. It's probably a good thing JJ is straight. I wouldn't be able to handle a relationship anyway."

"You're not giving yourself enough credit, Emily."

She sighed, annoyed that he wasn’t really getting the picture. "Really, Morgan? I haven't been in a relationship longer than a few months since college. Besides, you don't do much better. You do what I do. Hit it and leave it. No emotions. The system works."

Morgan glared at her, annoyed that she was using his tactics against him. "It doesn't work when you want to get over someone. Look, if you want to get over JJ, then you need something real. You can't just have sex with whoever you meet at the bar. You'll never get over JJ. Because you won't have feelings for anyone else. They will still all be there for JJ."

"But you know relationships in the BAU don't work! Look at Hotch and Rossi!" Emily argued passionately (and slightly drunkenly). "No one understands what we do. They don't get our hours or our nightmares."

"That may be true, but maybe it just takes a little more work from some of us. Look, you need to find someone that you can come to at night. I know you like to be a lone wolf, but you have to tell someone about those feelings of yours. It isn't healthy to keep it all inside. And it's even less healthy to follow JJ like a puppy. Besides, if she does have feelings for you, she'll be jealous if you're in a relationship."

She considered his point and found what he said to make sense. "Fine. You're right. But I'm not dating alone, okay, pal? If I don't get one night stands, neither do you. We're both going to try this dating thing. Besides, if you run into someone gay, you can pass her to me, and if I find someone straight, I'll send her your way."

Derek grinned at her. "I like this little agreement, Prentiss. But I have one addition: we are going to be honest with them. We are going to tell them the truth. About the job. About JJ. I don't want to hurt anybody."

She didn't necessarily like that addition to the agreement, but she nodded. They shook hands, Derek being excited and Emily looking worried.

"Don't worry, Prentiss. This might be fun. We can be each other's wingman. Ooh, hot chick looking back at you at the end of the bar."

Emily rolled her eyes at his childishness. But she did look around. There was a girl there, around Emily's age, looking alone, and in desperate need of company. She looked naturally beautiful. Her chestnut colored hair held in a bun with wisps of it caressing her face. She took a sip of what seemed like vodka.

"She your type, Prentiss?"

She didn't answer him. The girl was definitely her type.

"Take a deep breath and talk to her, Emily. She won't bite you. Unless… you're into that kind of thing."

Emily glared at him as he laughed. Deciding that she preferred to embarrass herself in front of this mysterious stranger rather than talk to Derek Morgan any longer, she got up and walked over to the woman in question.

The woman looked up when Emily sat down next to her.

"You looked like you needed some company," Emily muttered awkwardly, not knowing how to do this. Usually she shared flirtatious smiles with someone else very drunk, they would have sex in a bathroom stall, and it was over. This was very new.

The woman raised her eyebrows at her. With a light accent, the woman replied, "Yet you seemed to have left your company."

Emily shrugged nonchalantly. "He was the one who convinced me to come to talk to you. If you're interested."

The woman let out a chuckle. "I am definitely interested. I'm guessing you aren't used to this either? I just got stood up by this hot girl I met yesterday. Dating isn't going so well for me. How about you?"

Emily laughed easily. "The girl I have liked for a year just kissed a guy in front of me after I spent the day telling her to be with him. I am awful at these things."

The woman lifted her drink. "I'm glad I'm not the only one. I'm Remi. Remi Ramirez. I know, a weird mix of names. My dad's Latino and my mom's-"

"French," Emily answered. She closed her eyes, scrunched up her face, and balled her fists, mad at herself for being so weird. "Oh, sorry."

Instead of being freaked out, however, Remi grinned, impressed by Emily. "Don't apologize, love. How'd you know?"

"I lived in France for a year as a kid. I moved around a lot. My mother's in politics."

Remi nodded, understanding where she was coming from. "I moved around a lot, too. My dad's a geographer. Never stayed in a place longer than two years. Probably the reason why I can't stay in one place for too long. How long have you lived in DC… I'm sorry, what's your name?"

"Emily Prentiss. And I've lived here for about two years. First time I've been in the states since I was a kid. How about you?"

"A month, actually. Just got here from Argentina. I usually only stay for a semester or two. That's why I never really dated but…" Her voice trailed off, not wanting to admit the truth.

"But it gets lonely." At Remi's nod, Emily added, "I understand. So semester. Are you a professor?"

"Yes, actually. Currently, I'm teaching Psychology in Pop Culture. All my classes are about psychology, though."

Emily raised her eyebrows. She was actually surprised by how interesting this woman was. "Wow. That's awesome. I love thinking about that kind of thing. I can always tell when a psychopath or serial killer is portrayed incorrectly. I'm a profiler for the BAU."

Remi's eyes widened. " _The_  BAU? The Behavioral Analysis Unit for the FBI?" At Emily's hesitant nod, she flushed. "That's incredible. I've read about you guys. I can't believe I'm talking to one right now."

"It's not that special. We see a lot of rough things. It gets hard, but I love the job. And I love the team," Emily explained happily.

"I bet it's hard. Don't worry. I won't be one of those people who makes you show me your gun and go into horrifying detail about your cases. You and your team must be pretty close. Is the girl you liked in the team of yours?"

Emily nodded. "Yep. The media liaison. She's happy, though. I just have to get used to it. And yes, as a team we spend all of our time together. We travel together constantly. It gets tough."

"I'm sure. And I hope this isn't too premature, but would you like to speak to my class? You have such a cool perspective about things."

Emily shrugged, a little unsure. "Do you think people would really be interested? I mean, who cares what I think? I could rant forever about the how souls represent empathy and morality in _Buffy the Vampire Slayer._ "

Remi gaped excitedly. "Are you kidding me? I think about that all the time! That would be the perfect thing to talk about! That's my favorite show and it's most of what we talk about in the class."

"Really?" Emily asked carefully, surprised that it was someone else's favorite show. At Remi's nod, Emily grinned. "I didn't know it was anyone else's favorite show. The only other person I know who watches it is the human encyclopedia on the team, Spencer Reid."

"Well, we can talk about it whenever you want. It's a brilliant show."

Emily was astonished by this woman. They stared at each other in silence. It wasn't awkward. They were purely just in awe of each other.

"Shit," Remi muttered suddenly. "I'm so sorry. I want to continue this conversation all night. It's just that, I told the babysitter I hired that I'd be back home in twenty minutes."

Emily raised her eyebrows, startled by this new information. "You have a kid?"

Remi shook her head as she pulled out her phone. "No. I actually foster kids. This time, a baby. No matter where I stay, I foster a kid for as long as I stay there. I love kids. I guess that's why I'm dating. I would have one of my own, but I need help. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. Who wants to have a family."

Emily was surprised by her honesty. She didn't know how to reply to the bluntness.

"Fuck, did I just scare you off?" Remi asked Emily, looking bummed. "It's okay. I know that's a lot to take in when we just met. But I thought… I don't know. That we have a connection or something. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Emily said quickly without hesitation. "I'm actually glad you are so honest. I think we have a connection, too. Can I give you my number?" She didn't know that was how she felt until she said it out loud.

Remi grinned and typed her number on Emily's phone. "Yes, thank god. Sorry, I'm just so happy you're interested. This is the best conversation I have had with someone in a long time." She gave her phone to Emily. "Call me if you want to have dinner? My nights are usually free."

"I don't know the next night I'll be free, but I'll call you when I have the chance."

They stared at each other again, smiling flirtatiously.

"I'll be waiting, Emily Prentiss." Remi got up from her seat and walked away. Emily watched her go.

Emily couldn't stop smiling. She hadn't felt anything that real for a long time.

"So…" A voice said from behind her. "That looked like it went well. And you watched her go. You in love, Prentiss?"

Emily rolled her eyes and smacked Derek's stomach. "Shut up. She's… different."

Morgan raised an eyebrow. "Damn, Prentiss. Are you actually in love?"

"No," Emily said too quickly. "Please, don't make fun of me for this. Can't we just grab a cab and go home."

"Fine," Morgan agreed simply. "If you tell me everything about her!"


	2. mind over matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds! :)

"EMILY PRENTISS!"

Knowing who that shouting belonged to immediately, Emily spun around to find Penelope Garcia running toward her in the bullpen. The profiler took a deep breath and prepared herself for the storm that usually came from the snooping and overly dramatic blonde.

Morgan, Reid, and JJ also looked up to watch the interaction.

Once the tech analyst reached Emily, she squealed, "I heard from a little birdy that you're in love!"

The brunette groaned and turned to Morgan, who lowered his head as if he could somehow hide from her. "Oh, don't look away, little birdy! Are you kidding me, Morgan? You told Garcia!"

"Chocolate Thunder and I don't keep any secrets from each other! Don't blame him. He wouldn't tell me anything about him. So… what's his name? What's he like?" Garcia asked, speaking a mile per second. When the other girl didn’t answer right away, she fluttered her eyes and pouted her lips.

Emily prayed that they were going to be called by Hotch to work on a case. Any interruption at this point would have been acceptable. Normally, she wouldn’t bother at all and would just keep it hidden. But everyone was watching (and by everyone, she mostly meant JJ). 

"I would say _her_ name, but I know you'd look her up, so I'll refrain for now. And she's… beautiful. Interesting, intelligent, do I need to continue?"

She watched everyone's reactions with apprehension. She wasn’t used to coming out to anyone, especially not her coworkers. Spencer looked awkward. Garcia was smirking. And JJ. JJ looked startled.

"What's happening down here?" Rossi called out from his office. "I heard Garcia yelling."

"Emily has a girlfriend!" Penelope blurted out, cheering, barely being able to keep herself together.

Rossi raised his eyebrows but did not look surprised. "Good for you."

"I do not have a girlfriend. I met someone. That's all."

The bantering was interrupted when Hotch stepped outside his office. "Rossi and I have been called to Boston to help on a case. Could you all handle yourselves for a few days?"

Emily, along with the others nodded earnestly.

"Good. Wheels ups in twenty, Dave."

Rossi nodded and followed him to his office.

"Emily," JJ called out lightly, like the girl’s name was suddenly hard to say. When the brunette finally faced the blonde, she asked, "Can you read something over with me? It's about a case. Follow me to my office?"

Emily gulped but nodded. She was already worried things would get awkward. She let the liaison lead her to her office and JJ closed the door, making the brunette that much more concerned.

"Is there something wrong?" Emily asked her colleague, not knowing what was going on.

JJ sat on her desk and crossed her arms. "Nothing's wrong, Em. But you could've told me, you know. And you didn't."

Emily was speechless. JJ wasn’t uncomfortable, she was disappointed. Maybe even angry.

"I didn't mean to offend you, Jayje. I didn't tell anyone. It's not something I tell people."

"I know you're a private person," JJ muttered darkly, as if she was truly offended. "But we're friends. Close friends, I think. But you didn't even think to tell me this?"

She was obviously hurt, and the profiler had no idea why. It wasn’t like they spoke about their personal lives on many occasions. In fact, they rarely talked about anything other than cases at all. Emily slowly came to the realization that JJ must have had a problem with her being gay. It was the only thing that made sense to her.

"I uh… Do you have a problem with me being…"

"No!" JJ yelled out, looking embarrassed. A little softer, she added, "No. Of course not. Em, I don't care about that. I don't think it's a big deal."

Emily furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Then why are you angry with me?"

"I'm not. I just… nevermind. I actually did call you in here because of a letter we received. A woman from Maryland. She's been stalked for years. And she thinks she is going to be killed." JJ passed the letter to Emily and hoped that the tension would dissolve.

The profiler skimmed the letter and looked up to find worry in JJ's eyes. "I understand your fear, Jay. But we don't normally solve stalking cases. We haven't even been invited by the police.”

JJ groaned, frustrated but understood where the brunette was coming from. "Emily, I know. But do you trust me?"

Emily debated her options but knew that if JJ really believed in this case that there must be something there. JJ has been doing this job for years. There was no reason for anyone to doubt her abilities now.

"I do, you know I do. We won't have Hotch or Rossi on this case."

"We won't need them," JJ argued fiercely, with a passion in her eyes that Prentiss could hardly resist.

This was one of those moments that Emily wanted to grab the blonde by her waist, push her to the wall, and kiss her until day became night. Emily blinked rapidly to shake the fantasy out of her mind.

"Okay. Okay, I'll back you up. But let's talk to Hotch. Especially if we want the jet."

JJ smiled gratefully. She pressed her fingers against Emily's arm warmly before walking out and heading to Hotch's office.

Emily shook her head. she cursed herself for thinking about JJ in that way again. She pulled out her phone and sent a message to Remi, hoping that it would change her feelings.

**Prentiss: Hey, Remi! I'm getting a case at work, but it shouldn't be a long one. When I get back, want to grab some food?**

It took a second for Remi to reply.

**Ramirez: That sounds perfect! Hope your case goes well. Catch those bastards for me.**

Emily laughed at the text message and replied.

**Prentiss: Will do.**

**Ramirez: Can't wait to hear all about it! <3**

Emily blushed looking at her phone screen. She knew she was being childish. But this was something that she wasn't used to, and she really liked it.

"Hotch gave us the thumbs up. He isn't happy about it, but he gave his approval," JJ said at the door. "Though he said we can't use too much money."

The brunette looked up at the blonde. For the first time, Emily didn't feel a twinge of longing for her. It was a welcoming surprise.

"You okay, Em?"

"I'm great."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't believe I could write such a short chapter! Who else enjoys the Jemily tension, eh? Thanks for reading! Reviews are welcome and appreciated! XX


	3. same soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds!

Emily chose to sit across from Reid on their way back home from the case, thinking he would be the last person to want to talk about her new relationship. Everyone seemed to suddenly have opinions about her love life and she was tired of hearing them. She loved her team, but some things she liked to keep secret.

She moved her chess piece, knowing exactly what he was going to play next. He might have been a genius, but chess was about skill.

"Thank you, Reid," Emily whispered to the doctor. "You're the only one that doesn't have a comment about… you know."

The genius furrowed his eyebrows. He didn’t know what she meant at all. "About what? The case?"

Emily tried to hide an eye roll. "No, not the case. About my date."

"Oh," Spencer said quietly. He looked truly uncomfortable. "2.9 percent of adults identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual in the United States."

Emily knew this was how he worked. He hid his uncomfortableness with facts. At least he remained predictable. Unlike the blonde she spent her time trying not to think about. JJ was still acting weird throughout the entirety of the case, despite their conversation that everything was okay.

"I guess so, Reid. You don't think it's a bad decision trying to start a relationship with this job?"

"JJ is with Will. Hotch was with Haley. I see no reason why it would be a bad decision."

Emily snorted and replied, "But Hotch _was_ with Haley, as in they are no longer together. And Rossi has had three failed marriages."

Reid frowned at he realized that maybe his answer was a bit faulty. "Yeah, I guess you might have a point. But no one is saying you have to marry her. You are just going on a date with her."

The brunette smiled at him. She was grateful for his logical approach. "You are absolutely right. Thank you for being so… you."

Spencer shrugged and blushed, not knowing how to take that compliment. "Ignore everyone else. They don't understand how you feel. That's what I try to do. When you guys talk about my social life."

Emily’s face fell, his comment hitting her with a bang. "Shit, Reid. You're right. We get too personal about you all the time. I'm so sorry. Now I know how you must feel all the time."

"It's okay. I know it's out of love. It can just get a little…"

"Annoying? Agitating? Frustrating?" Emily finished, feeling ashamed of her previous behavior with the doctor.

"Sort of. But it's okay. It's nice to share the embarrassment. So, do you want to talk about her? It can stay between us."

For the first time, Emily actually wanted to talk about Remi. There wasn't any pressure with Reid. He just listened without judgement.

Emily lowered her voice. "Her name is Remi. And she's… exquisite."

* * *

Emily saw Remi come inside the building and she waved at her. Once Remi saw her date, she grinned and approached her. They didn't know exactly how to greet each other, so they hugged a little awkwardly.

"I know this is a little cheesy as a first date," Remi mentioned as the looked at all the families and teens around them. "But I thought you might need a little bit of a stress relief after a case. And the only somewhat physical sport I can play is golf. So I thought mini-golf! Then we can catch some grub."

"Sounds good," Emily told her simply. She was looking forward to getting back to DC for this date. Even though she was extremely tired and ready to crash once it was over. "I bought everything. Here is your club and pick your ball. I picked red and blue. Thought I couldn't go wrong."

Remi grinned and picked the blue golf ball. "Blue's my second favorite color."

"After what?" Emily asked curiously.

"The simple answer would be black. But, to be complicated and mysterious, I have to say dark grey. So dark it's on the verge of black. But it isn't."

Emily bit her bottom lip, trying to keep herself from laughing.

"Wow, I can't believe I just dweebed out at you right there," Remi groaned and her face became crimson.

"No, no. It's fine. Besides, you're going to be the one making fun of me when I tell you I don't know how to play mini golf since I have never played before."

Remi gaped at her. "Bloody hell! How have you gone through life without playing? I thought it was just one of those things that everyone does whether they like to or not."

Emily shrugged as they started to walk towards the entrance where the mini golfing took place. "My family was never the 'mini golfing' type. And I didn't have friends to go with as a kid. I could count the number of close friends I had on one hand."

Remi nodded, and it wasn't a pity nod. It was an understanding nod. She lined her putter and hit the ball. It bounced up and hit a bar. She wasn't even embarrassed that she was awful.

"Yeah, I went once when I was fifteen. I had never been asked out before… I definitely wasn't popular. Anyway, this bloke, Richie Atkins, asked me out to mini golf. We played the whole 18 holes before his friends showed up… including his ex. Apparently, he just wanted to use me to get back with his girlfriend. It worked."

"Ugh, men," Emily grunted, hitting her ball. She hit it so hard that it flicked up and hit a person in front of them. "Sorry!" She yelled out when the angry man turned to see her. When he turned back to his date, Emily and Remi let out their laughter.

"We are bloody awful at this, aren't we?" Remi asked. At Emily's enthusiastic nod, she added, "Want to skip the game and go to ice cream? I'm starving anyway."

Emily was grateful for the change in activity. They quickly walked back into the building and ordered ice cream. When they sat down, they both felt better.

"So how was the case? Was it a short case? Or was it just an easy solve?" Remi asked as she started eating her ice cream.

"My boss was on another trip to aid another case, but a colleague of mine, JJ, she was really adamant about this stalking case. We usually don't do cases without a serial crime, but we were able to catch the perpetrator." Emily looked at her ice cream when she said the blonde's name.

"Do you normally get to choose your own cases like that?"

"Not really. We usually have to get invited by the police. And then JJ, the liaison, she picks the cases from there. She has the hard job."

Remi frowned and replied, "Tough gig. So tell me about the rest of your team. How's the boss?"

"Ah," Emily said before informing her, "Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner, AKA Hotch. He has a hard shell. Rough on UnSubs. He was a little harsh when I first joined, but he's a good man and leader. He has a good sense of justice. He might seem unemotional, but a good father to his son."

Remi nodded, listening carefully. "Sounds like a real conundrum. Who else?"

"Senior Supervisory Special Agent David Rossi. He's like the Italian Uncle I never had. He's a helluva good agent and person. He's lawful but compassionate. And he's an amazing cook."

"Ooh. Can't wait to meet him. I love Italians!"

"And then there is the thorn in my side, the one and only Derek Morgan. I'm kidding. He's like a brother to me. He's the guy that convinced me to approach you. He's got a huge physique. He's kind. But also very flirty. Especially with the tech analyst, Penelope Garcia. At this minute, she's probably trying to figure out who you are. I didn't tell her your name, because I didn't want to give you a stalker. She's very protective and nosey. She's very… extravagant. But very intelligent and kind. You'll know what I mean when you meet her."

"They sound like awesome mates. Anyone else?"

Emily nodded. "Spencer Reid. Our neighborhood genius. He has an eidetic memory. He's too smart for his own good, but he's a fantastic agent. He doesn't always understand social cues, but he's sweet. And he solves almost half of the cases for us. We wouldn't get anywhere without him."

"He sounds lovely," Remi told her honestly. She paused before adding, "So, JJ. The girl who you liked before me. What's she like?"

Emily blushed, wishing that she never told her about that. "She puts a lot of weight of the cases on her shoulders. She keeps herself hidden behind the workload. She has almost as many walls as I do. She has the brains to become a profiler, but she doesn't want to get inside the minds of monsters. Which is understandable."

Remi stared at her and asked, “Am I going to be jealous when I meet her?"

"I'm getting over her," Emily told her slowly. "She has a boyfriend. They're serious. We were never anything, Remi. It was a stupid crush. So, to sum it up, no. I hope you won't be."

Remi nodded. "Okay, good. They sound like fantastic people."

"They are good people. They are the closest thing I have to family. Since my blood relatives are all prestigious assholes. What about your family?"

They talked all night. About random things and important things. It was Emily's first date that she didn't actually hate. Especially since she went back to Remi's place. And surprising herself, the sex wasn't even the best part. While the sex was humbling and passionate, the really extraordinary thing came after the sex. Remi just held her. And when Emily woke from a nightmare that night, Remi didn't judge her. She just took her hand and brought her to the other bedroom where her foster daughter, Maia, was sleeping. It calmed her down like nothing else. The night was purely beautiful and like nothing she had ever experienced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are liking the short chapters! Remi is so cute and awkward and adorable and I love her so much. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Reviews are welcome and appreciated! XX


	4. own worst enemy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey guys! Still don't own Criminal Minds! If I did, Remi would be a character.

"It was good, okay?" Emily reiterated bitterly as Derek, Penelope, and JJ followed her around the bullpen. Finally, when she hit her breaking point, the profiler shouted at the group of them, "Stop following me around!"

"But we need more details than it 'being good,'" Garcia replied in a fake voice, trying to copy Emily's unenthusiasm.

After Emily glared at the tech analyst, Morgan asked, "Can't you just tell us what you guys did? We just want to make sure you are being well taken care of."

As heart warming as it was that they were worried about her, the brunette wanted to remind them that she was a grown ass woman who make her own decisions.

"Believe me, I was taken care of fine. We had ice cream and dinner. And then we went to her place. Not a big deal."

Garcia and Morgan squealed in excitement. After they high fived and hugged, Derek pulled out his wallet and gave the woman five bucks. Trying to ignore the sick transaction that had just taken place, Emily turned her attention to the other blonde and couldn't help but notice that JJ's eyes darkened in a way that she had never seen before. It put the profiler on edge and she resisted looked at the blonde for the rest of the conversation. 

"Ooh, Prentiss got laid. So, how was it?" Derek questioned, raising his eyebrow playfully.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Emily winked at him, smirked, and walked away. She saw Reid and darted toward him. "Ah, Spencer! How was your weekend? Good, I assume?"

Reid barely looked at her when he replied, "It was fine. I was able to read eight books this weekend. I also got to finally watch the new season of  _Doctor Who_  again! Okay, I only watched a few of my favorites, but still. I-"

"Pretty boy, please don't continue. Prentiss only asked you so that she could stop talking about her date," Morgan grinned at his partner.

"Oh," Reid replied, looking bummed. "Well, how was it?"

Emily sighed deeply and walked away to find Hotch. She thought he would stop this. She entered his office and sat down across from him.

Hotch raised his eyebrows and asked, "Are you okay?"

"The team keeps following me around. Asking me about my date. I needed to get away from them. And I thought maybe you could tell them to quit it."

"Of course," Hotch replied as he looked through files. "I presume the date went well?"

Emily rolled her eyes. "Yes. It was great. Can we move on? Anyway, isn't there a case we should be working on?"

Before he could reply, Rossi knocked on the door and Emily and Hotch turned to look at the senior agent.

"Sorry to interrupt, but- ooh, Emily. How was the date?"

Emily harrumphed and jumped up to leave. She couldn't escape the questioning from anyone.

But before she could leave the room, Hotch said, "Wait, we're going to Roanoke. Tell the team."

"Roanoke?" Emily asked him slowly. "What's in Roanoke? What happened?"

"A case we solved four years ago. The UnSub woke up. From a coma. And he apparently doesn't have his memory."

* * *

"I can't believe that this hotel doesn't have enough rooms for each of us. We went through hell today," JJ murmured as she flopped on the queen size bed that she and Emily were supposed to share. She dug into the covers, her sporty pajamas already on her body.

Emily frowned, trying to not pick apart the blonde's words and infer what she thought it meant. She began to brush her teeth and tried to think about literally anything but JJ. She spit the toothpaste out of her mouth. She checked her clothes. All she had packed was her Edgar Allan Poe pajama set. She usually slept in a room by herself. She walked to the bed to find JJ reading a book. Emily sat on the bed awkwardly and checked her phone. Three messages.

**Ramirez: Hey, Em. How's the case going? Know when you're gonna be back?**

**Ramirez: You doing okay? I miss you.**

**Ramirez: You're probably busy. I'm sorry. I'm going to bed. Talk later? <3**

Emily groaned. She somehow made a mistake without even doing anything. Maybe that was the problem. Her communication skills were always lacking. She immediately typed a message back.

**Prentiss: I'm so sorry for not replying sooner. Tough case. But we already solved it. Staying at a hotel for the night. Coming back tomorrow. I missed you, too.**

She put her phone down, thinking she wouldn't reply if she had already gone to bed. Emily went under the covers and found the blonde staring at her.

"You okay, Em?" JJ asked her carefully.

"I'm fine. Just tired. And annoyed about the room, I guess."

JJ nodded slowly as if she was trying to decipher the other girl’s words. "Is something wrong with your… girlfriend?"

Emily didn't understand why JJ was being so awkward. Sure, they didn’t normally talk about significant others, but JJ never seemed to have a problem when talking to Penelope or Derek about their romantic interests.

"No. I just missed a bunch of texts. Her name is Remi, by the way. Just don't tell Garcia. She'll turn into stalker mode."

"Are you kidding? Penelope already knows her name. Remi Ramirez? Yeah. She found out days ago. She very much approves. And apparently, she has no record, if you were wondering."

Emily couldn't help but feel slightly reassured about her words. She didn’t like that the tech analyst snooped, but she was glad to hear that Garcia seemed to like her on paper, even though she didn't need any approval.

"That's good. She's a good person, JJ. You'd really like her."

JJ tried to smile, though Emily could tell the difference between a fake smile and a real one. This one was definitely fake. "Yeah. I'm sure I would."

"JJ, are you okay with everything? I mean you've been acting a bit strange ever since… you know. When I told you that I'm gay."

The blonde sighed and put her book down. "It's not you, I promise. It's just that… a while ago, Garcia said something to me that I can't get out of my head. A couple of months ago, she asked me if we were… you know. Sleeping together. I told her she was crazy. But she really thought that we were together. Apparently, you look at me intensely. Whatever that means. And now that I do know that you're gay…"

"You're afraid that I do have feelings for you," Emily finished for her through inference. "Look, there may have been some feelings a while ago. But I'm with Remi. So there is nothing you need to worry about."

"Oh," JJ replied, looking a little stunned that Emily had admitted that. "Okay. Er… good."

Emily frowned, wishing she could take back everything she had just said. "I probably shouldn't have said that. I just made things weird, didn't I?"

"No, no, no. It's fine. You were being honest with me, and I appreciate that. Now I don't have to wonder and I have an answer. That's good." JJ put her bookmark in her book. "Does she know about your old feelings for me?" At Emily's reluctant nod, she added. "Oh. That'll suck meeting her. Does she hate me?"

"No!" Emily exclaimed simply. "She knows that the feelings aren't there. We're good."

"Are you going to invite her out to drinks with the team tomorrow night?" JJ asked her, trying to not sound like she was still startled by the revelation.

Emily shrugged. "I'm not sure. I don't know if we're ready for that. Do you think it's too early?"

"You all met Will before I even decided that we were dating. So, I think it's fine. Especially if she's up for it."

Emily nodded, understanding where the girl was coming from. "Yeah, you're right. So, early start tomorrow. Wanna catch some sleep?"

"Sure," JJ said as she turned the light off on the lamp.

They both tried to stay on their own side of the bed. It was like an invisible wall stayed in between them. It was as thick as the tension that remained between them after that confession.

* * *

"Agh, Em. I'm nervous to meet them," Remi admitted as Emily parked the car in the parking lot. "They are so important to you and what if they hate me?"

Emily grinned at her pouting and took her hand. "They aren't going to hate you, Remi. They are going to love you." She kissed her girlfriend's hand.

"Are they going to interrogate me?"

The profiler chuckled. "Yep. But you can take it. You've been able to handle me for this long." When she noticed that she wasn't reassuring the professor, she added, "If you get uncomfortable, just let me know and we can leave."

"Can we come up with a codeword?"

Emily raised an eyebrow and smirked.  "Okay, dork. What word would you like to be the codeword?"

"I can ask the waiter if they have mac n cheese," Remi suggested.

Emily laughed and ran her hand through her hair. "Alright. Mac n cheese. Got it. Are you ready now?"

Remi nodded and opened the car door. Emily took her hand and they walked to the bar. Upon entering, they were greeted by Garcia, who was already too excited.

"Ah! You're here!" Penelope cheered and wrapped her arm around Prentiss. She then turned to Remi and squealed. "I'm Penelope Garcia! I'm the tech analyst and the most wonderful and beautiful member of the team."

"I'm Remi Ramirez. It's a pleasure to meet you." Remi stuck out her hand for Garcia to shake, but instead of taking her hand, the tech analyst hugged the foreign woman.

"I'm a hugger. But you'll get used to it. I've been waiting to meet you since Emily first mentioned you. Though, it was Derek who told me about you in the first place."

Emily gasped playfully. "I hadn't even gotten to the office yet! It's not my fault that you and Morgan are inseparable to an odd extent."

"Odd extent?" Morgan asked as he came up to the small group. "You just wish you were as close to me as babygirl is."

"You know that's right," Penelope agreed as she winked at him.

"Whatever. Besides, Remi, this is Derek Morgan, the bane of my existence. Derek, this is my girlfriend, Remi Ramirez."

Remi and Derek shook hands and Derek commented, "I'm glad to have finally met someone that she's interested in. I guessed she was gay when she didn't further any of my advances." Emily hit his chest. He groaned, “I'm kidding, of course. Come on. Follow me. Rossi told me to bring you all to us. We have a huge booth."

The small group of people followed the profiler to a table where Rossi, Hotch, and Spencer were sitting. Emily tried to ignore the fact that a certain blonde wasn't there.

Emily began introductions. "Everyone, this is Remi Ramirez. Remi, this is my boss, Aaron Hotchner."

"Please, just call me Hotch," He replied as he shook hands with his colleague's girlfriend.

"Nice to meet you, Hotch," Remi said with a smile.

"I'm David Rossi. Call me David or Dave. Whatever feels right," Rossi told the professor warmly as he shook hands with her.

Remi nodded and then turned to Reid, who looked awkward. Following Emily's advice, she waved at the young doctor. "Hi, Spencer. Emily's told me so much about you. I've been told that you like Russian Lit more than Em. Who knew that was even possible?"

Reid grinned at her, surprised that she could be so much like Emily and himself. " _War and Peace_  takes me less than two hours to read. It's not Emily's fault that I can read so much faster."

"Yes, Reid won't let me forget this fact," Emily murmured as she took a seat next to the nerd. Remi sat down next to her. Morgan and Garcia took seats across from them.

Rossi asked Remi a question but Emily's attention was dragged away when she saw JJ enter the bar. The blonde looked around to find where the team was when she saw Emily and the others in the corner. She smiled and waved at Emily. It wasn't until she got closer when Emily realized that the liaison's eyes were red like she had been crying. Emily wanted to ask her what was wrong, but she knew it wasn't the right time.

She walked up to the table and sat down next to Derek. "Sorry, I'm late everyone. I lost track of time." She turned to Remi. "Hey, I'm Jennifer Jareau. But my friends call me JJ."

Remi shook her hand and put on a good smile. "Hi, JJ. It's so wonderful to finally have met you."

"Same here. So what's going on, guys? What was I interrupting?" JJ quickly asked, turning the attention away from her.

Emily immediately knew something was wrong with her. She just didn't know what it was that made her so upset.

Her focus on JJ was interrupted when she heard Remi say, "Right, Em?"

Hoping for the best after not listening to the conversation at all, Emily nodded and tried to focus on her girlfriend and her team, but she couldn't help but continuously glance at the blonde.

* * *

"That was a successful night I think," Remi announced as they entered Remi's apartment. "I really liked your friends. You're right. I haven't met someone quite like Spencer Reid. But he's lovely. Truly." She noticed Emily wasn't listening and was staring off into space. "Em? You okay, darling? You haven't said much since we have gotten to the bar. Is everything alright?"

The brunette's attention refocused on her girlfriend when Remi's hand met her waist. "Yeah. Sorry, Remi. I'm just so tired. I was actually wondering if we could skip our nightly show watching and go to sleep?"

Remi knew something was off. But they were so early in the relationship that she didn’t feel like it was her place to ask what was wrong.

"Right. Okay. Let's go to bed."

Emily moved away from Remi's touch and walked to her bedroom. She tossed her shoes away and pulled her shirt and pants off. She flopped on the bed, wishing for once that she was alone since she had met Remi. She did all that she could to not flinch when Remi's warm arms embraced her.

The foreign women traced Emily's body. It took her awhile for her to realize she was tracing her scars.

"What are all these from?" Remi asked her in a whisper.

It wasn't a difficult question. In fact, it would be a normal question for a normal couple. But Emily wasn't normal. And her past definitely was the opposite of normal.

"This and that," Emily replied vaguely. She rolled over to her side, physically moving away from Remi. She couldn't see her girlfriend's frown.

"I'm going to pretend like that wasn't a sketchy answer. Here, I'll tell you about mine. If you looked at me, you would see a scar from my stomach. I got it in a knife fight in Istanbul when I was sixteen." When Emily turned around with an incredulous look, Remi glared. "I'm kidding. I was in Germany and I ran into a door while riding my bike. I broke through the glass. I fell on a shard or something."

She sighed and grabbed Emily's hand. Remi brought her fingers to her chest. "This is the only other scar I have. I was mugged when I was thirteen. I was living in Greece. I didn't even tell my parents. I only had fifty or so American dollars on me." She waited for Emily's reaction. When Emily looked concerned, Remi added, "It's not hard, Emily. To share. I'm not proud of that scar. But it's apart of me. That's why I want to know about yours, Em. I just want to know what makes you, you."

Emily didn't have a chance to reply. Remi turned off the lights and rolled to her side. Emily definitely felt guilty. She forgot that keeping secrets was the easiest way to end relationships. She wanted to be better than this. She just didn't know if she had the ability to be better. Keeping secrets was her specialty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Emily. She's so cute and oblivious. She needs a little help, don't you think? Thank you all for reading! Reviews are welcome and appreciated! XX


	5. hate to see your heart break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds! This Episode does take place, however, in "Lo-Fi" and "Mayhem!"

Emily groaned when her phone buzzed in the middle of the night. She had finally just fallen asleep after taking a sleeping pill. She reached over and looked at her phone, expecting the worst, but hoping that it wasn’t important. 

**Hotchner: There's a case. Debriefing on the plane. Get here as soon as you can.**

That wasn't a good sign. She tried to get up but was stopped by the arm that reached across her waist. She picked up her girlfriend's arm as delicately as she could and got out of bed. Unfortunately, it still woke Remi up.

"Emily? Is something wrong?"

Emily sighed, wishing she was even more stealthy. "No, I have a case. Hotch texted me. I have to leave now. I don't know how long I'll be gone. I'm grabbing my go bag and leaving. I'll text you when I have more information."

"Okay. Stay safe," Remi whispered, sounding disappointed and worried.

"I will," Emily lied. She knew that was something she couldn't promise with her job. She grabbed her bag and left her girlfriend's apartment.

* * *

Emily's bed seemed especially empty when she laid down in it after a long day in New York. She finally decided to answer Remi's text from earlier in the morning.

**Ramirez: Just checked the news. Please tell me you aren't in New York. They are comparing it to the Son of Sam. Please check in and tell me you're okay. I'm thinking of you.**

She felt bad for not replying earlier. But she didn't feel comfortable replying when the rest of New York was getting targeted. Besides, now it was dark. The killings were happening in broad daylight. She typed a response.

**Prentiss: I am in New York, but I'm fine. I'm sorry I haven't been able to respond until now. I'm staying safe, don't worry about me. I'll be home soon. I'm thinking of you.**

Remi replied pretty quickly.

**Ramirez: Shit. Okay. Do your job. You'll catch this wanker. I believe in you. Continue staying safe. I miss you.**

**Prentiss: Will do. Miss you, too.**

Once Emily put her phone on the bedside table, she heard a knock at her door. Confused, she walked to her door and opened it to find JJ crying.

"JJ! Are you— come in!" Emily exclaimed as she pulled her sobbing friend into her hotel room. "Are you okay? Come sit with me." She dragged the blonde to her bed.

The liaison immediately started crying harder. She put her head on Emily's lap, startling the profiler.

Emily ran her fingers through the blonde’s hair. "Shhh… JJ… Jennifer. Is there something I can do? Do you want to talk about it?"

"I just--" Her sobbing continued. "Will l-left me."

Emily raised her eyebrows, definitely not expecting that news or her reaction. " _What_? That son of a bitch left  _you_? I'm going to hurt him!"

"No!" JJ cried out. "It was my fault."

Emily snorted incredulously. "How could he leaving you possibly be your fault?"

"Because I let him get me pregnant!" JJ choked out.

Emily was in awe. She definitely didn't expect that. She was angry at Will, but it was obvious that JJ didn’t need her anger right now. She needed her comfort.

"Oh, JJ. That's not your-- it takes two-- he left you because you're pregnant?"

JJ lifted her head and nodded. "I mean, it's more complicated than that, I guess. When I told him, he proposed. And I said no. I don't want to just marry him. I barely know him. It'd be crazy, right?"

Emily didn't know what to say. "If you didn't feel comfortable then you made the right decision."

"He didn't like that I said no. He said I didn't love him. That I chose the job over him. I wouldn't move to New Orleans or quit the job. He just asked too much of me. And so he told me he didn't want me. Or our child." She broke out into heavy sobs again.

Emily put her hand on JJ's back, trying to comfort her, but not knowing what to do or say to make her feel better. As much as she didn’t like Will, something still seemed off, like JJ was holding something back. Her thoughts were interrupted, however, when without much notice at all, JJ threw up all over herself.

"I'm so sorry!" JJ cried out from utter embarrassment and horror. "I can't do anything right."

"No, it's fine. We can clean this up," Emily told her as she touched JJ's cheek lightly. "Stay here. I'll get my other pair of pajamas and I'll get some towels." At the blonde's nod, she did exactly what she said.

The brunette returned to the blonde who looked like she was in some sort of a catatonic state. Emily brushed the wet towel first across her lips and chin, cleaning them as JJ stared off into space.

"I'm going to take your shirt and pants off if that is alright with you?" At JJ's unemotional nod, Emily pulled her shirt and tugged her shorts off. "Are you sure you don't want to shower?" At JJ's shake of her head, Emily put her pajamas on the liaison.

"Thank you," JJ whispered gently. "I'm so sorry for burdening you with my mess. I should return to my room." She tried to get up but wobbled.

Emily held her close so she didn't fall. "JJ, please, stay with me. Just for the night. Come on."

"But… Remi."

Emily closed her eyes, hurt that Remi’s name came up. "We're close friends, JJ. I'm being a friend. You need a friend right now. I'm here for you. Remi will understand. Come on, get under the covers. You're shaking."

JJ nodded and went under the covers. Emily followed. At first, they remained far from each other. But Emily soon realized that the blonde was still trembling.

"JJ, you're shivering. Let me hold you." Emily muttered reluctantly. At the blonde's nod, Emily wrapped her arms around her colleague.

The brunette tried to fall asleep quickly. She felt guilty being this close to someone when she was dating someone else. Especially since it was JJ.

* * *

On the flight back home, everyone remained silent. No one knew what to say. After losing Kate Joyner and fearing for their lives, everyone was just glad to be alive. Emily sat across from JJ. When the bomb went off and no one knew who was alive, both were worried that the other was the one that was bombed. After becoming close from their night of sharing a bed, they didn't want to spend too long of a time not by each other's side.

* * *

The second Emily knocked on the door, her girlfriend's opened it and she was met by her lover. She almost collapsed in Remi's arms.

"Oh, Emily. Thank god you are okay. I heard about the explosion on the news. And you didn't reply to my texts. And… are you okay?" She put her hands on Emily's cheeks, trying to get a good look at her.

"I'm fine, Remi. I'm sorry for not replying… it was my boss. That was in the explosion," Emily admitted as she got out of Remi's grasp. She walked to the kitchen and opened a bottle of wine. She poured some of it into a glass and drank all of it in a manner of seconds.

"Fuck," Remi murmured as she approached her girlfriend. "Are you okay?"

"He's fine, so I am. His friend, an ally working on the case with us, she was killed. But it's over. We caught the bastards."

Remi sighed with relief. "Thank god. How are you doing? That must have been scary."

Emily shrugged. She didn't know how she felt. She felt empty. She took another long drink of wine, draining the glass. She walked up to Remi, taking her hand. She pressed her lips against hers. Trying to feel something. Anything. She brought Remi to her bedroom. This is what she wanted. At least, it's what she thought she wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm so glad you are loving Remi! That makes me so happy! I know that a lot of you think that Remi and Emily should be together, and I totally understand. Just so that you are aware, I am keeping this a JJ/Emily story, but I am thinking of making a separate ending for those who want to see Emily and Remi end together. What do you guys think of that?
> 
> Thanks for reading, everyone! Reviews are welcome and appreciated! XX


	6. love is a losing game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds!

_Seven Months Later_

"What does the baby represent empathy wise for Darla?" The student of the Psychology in Pop Culture class asked. "She acted selflessly to save Connor. That's not a normal action of a psychopath."

Emily smiled, glad that the students took her topic seriously, and asked intelligent questions. "You're right. Darla does seem like quite an exception. Other than Spike, of course. So, in the real world, the idea of 'love' of a child by a psychopath isn't well known or studied. It's hard to know exactly how one psychopath would feel for their child. I've talked to some who say they don't feel anything. I know others who swear they love their child. But most I have spoken to or heard about have said they feel some sort of obligation and protectiveness. Almost like a teacher or mentor, rather than a parent." She caught Remi's smile as her girlfriend watched her profiler working.

"So is Darla's love for her son incorrect?" The student asked. "Is it incorrectly misrepresented?"

Emily let out a chuckle. "Maybe. Maybe not. I'm not the creator. The whole storyline could have been used as drama. There may have been no psychological thought to it. Spike and Darla are obvious examples of how the theory could be incorrect. We could be reading too much into it." She turned the floor over to her girlfriend.

"So much of what we think are easter eggs or theories, are actually just plot holes or happy accidents that the creators of writers didn’t even think about. And sometimes, the creators take credit for something really intelligent that the watchers notice that the creators didn't even intend to do. Pulling apart what's accidental and what’s real, that's the really difficult part. And that is what we will talk about more next class. Class dismissed."

Remi watched the students trickle out of the room as she walked up to her grinning girlfriend. When the last student left, she pulled Emily into an embrace and whispered in her ear, "You did great today."

"Same to you," Emily replied before kissing her. "I love watching you work. It's very, very, very sexy."

Remi giggled as her fingers went down Emily's back. "Hot for a teacher, eh?"

"Mmmm," Emily groaned as she leaned over to kiss the professor's neck. "I am very naughty, Professor Ramirez. You should punish me."

Remi moaned as she was being kissed by her girlfriend.

Their moment was interrupted, however, by a text sent to Emily. It was from Hotch. She read it.

**Hotchner: Sorry to interrupt your afternoon, but you need to come to the office. Bring your go bag. You're heading to La Plata, Colorado.**

After Emily read the text, she harrumphed, annoyed. She looked up to find Remi looking disappointed.

"Shit, Remi, I'm sorry. I have to get to the office. We have a case."

Remi frowned with disappointment. "Of course you do. Please tell me it's in DC and you will come back to me tonight."

Emily shook her head sadly. "Unfortunately, no. I'm going to Colorado. So we'll have to stop by our place before heading to the office. Can you drop me off?"

The professor sighed exasperatedly and kissed her girlfriend's forehead. "Of course, darling. Come on. We don't want you to be late."

* * *

On the commercial plane to Colorado, Reid asked Emily, "So, did you tell Remi that you're about to infiltrate a cult?"

Emily shook her head as she looked through the case file on Benjamin Cyrus. "I don't tend to tell her about the cases until I come home from them safely. We both like it better that way. I don't want to worry her."

Spencer nodded, understanding her point. "Why didn't Remi come to JJ's housewarming party?"

Prentiss glared at her colleague. "You truly are full of personal questions today." When she realized she was a little too harsh, she added, "Sorry. I'm just cranky. Remi and I were in the middle of something when Hotch texted. And I think that Remi is getting tired of the job hours and the random cases."

The genius looked at her carefully, trying to read what she wasn't saying. "At least you both moved in together. Now you must have more time together."

"Sure," Emily agreed. "But Maia also cries at night. A lot. I love her, but I need my sleep, too. You know? Though, I don't sleep much anyway. If I was Remi, I'd be tired of my nightmares by now."

"You have nightmares?" He asked her, curious.

"Always," Emily admitted with a casual shrug. She returned to focusing on the case. "So, this Benjamin Cyrus. He remind you of anyone?"

"From what I can tell, he hasn't committed murder or gotten anyone else to commit murder from him. And, unlike Jones or Manson, he does not believe he is Jesus Christ. But he could believe he is a Messiah, like Koresh."

Emily grinned, always enjoying the genius' rambling. "Thank you for that, Spencer. At least you got who I was referring to."

* * *

"Hotch, man, what should I do about Remi?" Morgan asked after the beating of Emily Prentiss ceased. "She hasn't stopped texting me since she found out Emily was here and that the media found out that an FBI Agents in the building. She put two and two together."

The Unit Chief shook his head. He didn't want to deal with this at the moment. "Don't respond. Wait until we get Emily out of this."

"She's going to kill us," Morgan murmured under his breath, knowing how protective the woman was of her profiling girlfriend. His phone starting to ring and picked it up when he saw that it was JJ calling. "Morg-"

" _I heard Emily was beaten by Cyrus_ ," JJ cried out on the phone. " _Is she…_ "

"She's okay," Morgan told her softly. "She's alive. She handled it, JJ. She was strong. We'll get her back. Don't worry."

" _Derek, I_ can't _lose her._ "

He didn't know what to read into that statement. "I know. None of us can. We'll get her and pretty boy back. Soon. Talk to you later, JJ."

* * *

Emily's mind churned as she watched the building explode. She waited for her boys to come out. She wouldn't be able to handle losing them. She needed them to be alive.

She felt JJ behind her. She felt the pain of her team members behind her. She knew they needed Morgan and Reid as much as she did. She heard the blonde weep softly behind her. She wanted to comfort her. But she needed to be there the second her colleagues came out of that building. And that's when she saw them.

She hugged Spencer tightly, never wanting to let go. That day changed them. Probably forever. It hurt her body to hold him. But she knew he needed it just as much as she did.

Morgan approached her next. As she hugged him, he whispered in her ear, "JJ needs you. Go to her."

The brunette profiler didn't know what he meant by that. She turned around to find the blonde crying, but it didn’t seem like it was for the men. She walked up to her and held her close. This was a normal embrace for them. Since JJ had told Emily that she was pregnant and that Will left her, Emily spent all of her free time helping the blonde. JJ spent most of that time convincing Emily to not kill Will.

"I'm okay," Emily told her over and over again. "It looks worse than it is."

Once the hug ended, JJ put her hand to Emily's bruise on her cheekbone. She bit her lip, holding in the tears that wanted to come out. "I'm going to take care of you, tonight. It's the least I can do after all this time with you taking care of me."

Emily nodded. She normally didn't want anyone to take care of her, let alone JJ. But she knew that the liaison needed this more than she did. "Let's go to a hotel room. I need some fresh clothes. Preferably some without blood." She meant it as a joke, but it only made JJ start crying more again. Emily sighed and put her hand on JJ's back. "Aww, that was a joke, Jen. Only a joke. I didn't mean to upset you. Come on, let's go to the others."

* * *

Emily let JJ clean her up. She let her clean her wounds. She let her wash her hair. She let the blonde take care of her. She almost felt guilty for it. It was so personal and intimate. But she knew it was something JJ needed. Emily summed it up to her maternal instincts kicking in.

JJ tucked Emily in. She brushed the hair out of the brunette's eyes. "I'm so glad that you're still here. You scared me so much today. I know it wasn't your fault. I know that it's just part of the job, but it's still hard."

"I'm sorry I scared you. But I couldn't let that be Reid. Besides, Reid already had his trust. I made the logical decision."

"Always the martyr," JJ whispered as she stared into Emily's dark eyes. Her attention was interrupted when Emily's phone buzzed. She picked it up and passed it to Emily, ending their moment. JJ knew who it was. She crawled into bed with her, which had become a normalcy in the last couple of months.

Emily saw the many messages.

**Ramirez: Hey, babe! How's the case going?**

**Ramirez: Must be a tough one. Have you seen the news? There's this raid in La Plata for this commune and the followers are held as hostages. Insane.**

**Ramirez: FBI Agent? Em, please reply and tell me that you aren't in La Plata. That it's just a coincidence.**

**Ramirez: I've been calling your team they won't tell me anything. Darling, don't leave me in the dark.**

**Ramirez: I need you to reply.**

Emily felt a surge of guilt. She quickly replied.

**Prentiss: I just got back to the hotel. I was inside the building but the team and I are fine. I'll be home soon.**

Remi responded immediately.

**Ramirez: Thank god. Do I need to come up there? Are you okay?**

**Prentiss: I'm fine. Don't come. I'll be home soon. I miss you. Go to bed. I'll be there as soon as I can.**

Emily put her phone down. She didn't want to go home. She didn't want Remi to see her like this. She knew how much pity she would get. She wanted to look stronger than this. She didn't want to get into the 'your job is too dangerous' argument again. Especially since it was Remi that was winning.

* * *

She dreamt of fire and God. She was sent to hell. Cyrus was there. And previous UnSubs. And other people from her past she swore to forget. She felt the burning hands of all the men she has put away. She felt the violation of all the men she has screwed. Literally and figuratively.

_"You've done this to yourself…"_

_"It's your fault no one loves you…"_

_"You're a sinner. And sinners get what they deserve…"_

_"You wanted me to touch you…"_

_"You're not natural…"_

_"Who wants to love you? You're just fuckable. That's all you are, Emily. A body. And not even a good one at that."_

_"I didn't want you…"_

_"God doesn't love you…"_

Words of her past swarmed her. She tried to hide from her past. But the fire always returned. The voices and touching always returned. She thought she almost deserved it.

She woke up dripping with sweat. She felt a warm hands holding her tightly. She expected to see Remi but was surprised to see JJ.

"I get them too," JJ told her quietly. "It's not just the UnSubs. I dream about my sister."

Emily furrowed her eyebrows, her head aching at the confusion. The blonde never referenced a sister before. She let JJ continue if she wanted to.

"You remind me of her sometimes. You have the same look in your eyes. Like you're hiding your pain because you don't want people to know you aren't stone. Because you don't want to burden people. You nor your problems are a burden to me, Emily."

"I have ghosts," Emily admitted, not knowing what she was saying until the words fell out of her mouth. "And sometimes they haunt me. And they don't go away."

" _You compartmentalize better than others._  That's what you told me. When I realized that you don't flinch. And you do compartmentalize better than others. Because you've seen so much worse haven't you?"

Emily breathed out, "Yes."

JJ held her tighter. "I can't lose you like I lost my sister. Promise me you won't leave me."

Emily melted at her confession. She knew that was nothing she could promise. But for some reason, she promised her anyway. She's never felt more cared for in anyone's arms. Like she was special. Like she was the only one. She also felt something else in her embrace. She just couldn't tell what it exactly was.

* * *

The ambassador's daughter opened the door to the apartment that she and Remi shared to hear the sound of crying and screaming. She could recognize it anywhere. Maia. She walked into the living area to find Remi trying to soothe the crying baby. The fact that Remi didn't look at the profiler when she walked in was a sign of the anger that she felt for the agent.

"Sshhh… It's okay, Maia. It's okay. Emily is here now." She still wouldn't look at her girlfriend. She didn't even notice Emily's slight limp from her bruised ribs as she walked to the couch where the professor and baby were sitting. She had finally gotten the baby to settle down.

"I couldn't reply," Emily whispered, ashamed of herself as she stood next to them, her hair purposefully covering a lot of her face. "I was undercover the whole time. I didn't even have my phone on me. And the team were busy. They couldn't reply."

Remi snorted as if she didn't believe her statement. "If I was Haley or Will, no one would have even hesitated to inform me about you. They don't think we're serious."

"Haley and Hotch divorced and Will left JJ-"

"I know that! You've been reminding me that a lot recently. I know that Will left JJ. I know that she's pregnant and alone. You tell me that every time you see her after work. You don't have to remind me. Believe me, I won't forget."

Emily realized that she wasn't just mad about not responding to her messages. "I'm sorry, Rem. I can't just abandon her. She has nobody."

"I know. It's just that you're never here. And when you aren't on a case, you spend half of your time with her. I know that you're mates and that you are trying to be there for her. I get that. It's just hard. Because all I want to do is spend time with you. But I never feel like I have-" She stopped talking when she finally looked up at Emily. For the first time, she saw the discoloration, bruising, and cuts scattered across the profiler's face. "Em? You said you were okay…"

"I am okay!" Emily reiterated suddenly, her voice becoming stronger. Once she saw the complete disbelief and worry in Remi's face, she added, "I've been through worse-"

"Worse?!" Remi exclaimed as she got up from the couch. She rushed to Maia's bedroom and placed the baby in her crib. She closed the door and crossed her arms when she looked at Emily. "How much worse?"

Emily didn't understand what she was asking. "What?"

"How much worse have you gotten in your line of work? Show me. Come here and show me," Remi commanded, tears bubbling up in her eyes.

The agent gaped at the professor. "I— I'm not going to do that! That's idiotic." She didn't know what to do. Remi had never been this angry.

"Have you broken a bone? Gotten a concussion? Have you been shot? Stabbed? Assaulted? God, Em. Worse than that? Rape…?" Her eyes dazzled back and forth, trying to find an answer in Emily's eyes.

The profiler didn't know how to answer. "I don't… Remi, I'm not sure."

"How are you not sure?" Remi asked her, tears streaming down her face. "Are the injuries too many to count? Have you been shot so many times you don't remember the number? And don't give me some half-arse answer like 'it's classified' or that bullshit. I'm your girlfriend. Right? Aren't we in a relationship?"

Emily didn't know what she was getting to. She felt sick seeing Remi in pain that she caused. This was the last thing she wanted to do. In fact, this was the reason she avoided close relationships. "Of course we are. It's just complicated."

Remi groaned and facepalmed. "I know it is! I know you're whole past is this complicated mess that you can't talk to me about. I get that. You've made that plenty clear. But you can't even tell me something like this? It's so hard, Emily. Because, most days, I see you and we can talk about anything. Shows, politics, philosophy, psychology, anything. We take care of Maia and we sleep together and everything is good. Happy. And I see myself spending my life with you. But then we get into our pasts and you suddenly can't talk. And it hurts because I've fallen in love with you. And I'm afraid it's one-sided."

Emily stared at her. They never said the 'love' word before. She walked up to Remi and wrapped her aching arms around her.

"It's not one-sided," Emily promised her. "I'll try harder. I'll be better."

Remi sobbed into her shoulder. "Thank you. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, darling. I'm sorry I got so mad. I'm sorry someone hurt you. What do you need?"

"Can you hold me?" Emily asked her girlfriend quietly.

Without replying, they walked to the bedroom. Remi wrapped her whole body around the profiler. She gave everything to her.

It was different than it was with JJ. The liaison made her feel special. The professor made her feel secure. Safe. She just didn't know which one made her feel more comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that sometimes time jumps suck, but I thought this one was important. I don't pretend that I'm a psych know it all. So if I was incorrect at all with anything at the beginning of the chapter, I apologize. I also apologize for more of the Buffy references."Minimal Loss" is such a fantastic episode I just had to add it in the plot line. So, Remi's pissed. She has every right to be. And now Emily's just stuck in all of these crazy emotions. This was a super important chapter because everything is unraveling a little bit. Remi is no longer hiding her fears, Emily is remembering her feelings for JJ, and JJ... she's starting to realize maybe she has more romantic than platonic feelings for Emily. Thank you all so much for reading! Reviews are welcome and appreciated! XX


	7. inside your mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds!

Maia grinned when the profiler started playing peek-a-boo. Nothing made Emily happier than being with the baby. She wasn't her child, and she knew that. But there was still hope that _one day maybe she could be_. One day, maybe, Maia could be hers. She caught the glance of Remi and smiled at her. This was what she wanted. A family.

Their short moment during an episode of  _Psych_  was interrupted when there was a short, curt, knock on the door. Emily got up, baby still in hands, and opened the door. All the blood drained from her face when she was met with a familiar face. One she definitely didn't want to see.

"Emily, you look well."

The agent gaped at the older woman. "Mother… you're here. Why?"

The Ambassador snorted. "A mother needs a reason to see her only daughter? So, are you going to introduce me to this child? Please don't tell me that you had a child without telling me. I wasn't told by Erin of any child. She was the one who informed me that you changed residences."

Emily rolled her eyes and tried to ignore the fact that her boss was revealing details of her personal life to her mother. She also hated the subtle nasty remarks that she grew up listening to.

"She's not my child,” Emily explained defensively. “I'm just taking care of her. She's my foster child. I mean— she's my girlf— partner's— foster child. Mother, this is my partner, Remi Ramirez." She moved to the side so that her mother could see Remi from the door.

The professor jumped up awkwardly and approached the door. "I'm so sorry for not introducing myself sooner, Ms.— I mean—  Ambassador Prentiss." She put her hand out for for the woman to shake. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you. I'm Remi Ramirez."

Elizabeth Prentiss let out a short harrumph before shaking the woman's hand. "The pleasure is mine,” she said almost bitterly and then turned back to her daughter. "Are you going to invite me in, Emily? Or are we just going to continue standing here like a couple of barbarians? Do you have any refreshments?"

Emily didn't have any time to be flustered. She was used to this behavior. But Remi wasn't. Emily stepped aside and waved her hand in the direction of the inside of their apartment. Elizabeth stepped inside and took a look around the apartment.

"It's… quaint."

The profiler rolled her eyes and grimaced. "I'm going to put the baby in the crib. Remi, why don't you get my mother some scotch."

After watching the baby drift into sleep, Emily returned to the living room to find her mother and girlfriend staring at opposite directions in the room. She was frightened by how tense it had become. This was nightmare worthy.

"So, mother," Emily said as she sat down next to Remi on the couch, opposite from her mother sitting on the chair. "What can I help you with? Why are you here?"

"Would you believe it if I said that I just wanted to see my daughter?" Elizabeth asked, staring intensely at her daughter.

The Ambassador's daughter snorted and laughed dryly. "No. Why are you here?"

"Can you believe that I was just catching up with an old friend, you might know her, Erin Strauss, and she asked me how you liked your new apartment? You could imagine my confusion, for I had no idea my daughter had moved in with another person of whom I had never even heard of. A mother should be updated with her daughter's life decisions."

Emily was already fed up with her mother's passive aggressiveness. "You never give a damn about my life decisions. You only care when you are embarrassed that someone finds out how little you actually know about my life."

Elizabeth glared at her daughter as if she was disappointed. "Don't be so dramatic, dear. This was how you wanted it, you know it."

"Fine, mother. You're right. You're always right. So why else are you here? You're embarrassed and disappointed by me all the time and you don't come to see me. What is it?"

The Ambassador cleared her throat and looked at Remi as if she didn't think the girl deserved to know what she had to say.

Emily rolled her eyes and groaned, "Mother, just say it. Remi can stay."

The older woman twitched. "Fine. The renters of your father's lake house decided to stop renting. You need to decide if you want to sell it, continue renting it out to other people, or use it. You've been delaying this decision for too long now."

Emily blinked several times, not expecting this. She may have wanted anything besides this.

"Oh. Uh… oh. Um… I'll think about it."

"You always say that dear. I can easily pay for someone to remove the furniture from the house and sell it. You don't even have to lift a finger."

"That's never been what this has been about!" Emily exclaimed angrily. "I'm not lazy, mother. It's just that…" She turned to her girlfriend and remembered that she was there. Remi looked confused but the profiler didn’t have the words in her to explain. She instead returned her attention back to her mother. "I can't just sell it, mother. Please, just give me some time to think it through."

Elizabeth opened her mouth like she was going to refute, but she closed it, as if refraining from saying something she knew she would regret.

“Okay. I have to get going, but it was good to see you again. I'm glad to see you are doing so well." She got up and Emily and Remi followed. Mechanically, she turned to Remi. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Ms. Ramirez. I hope you and Emily will indulge me and have dinner with me. Maybe you could come to our annual parties. Maybe this time you won't invite a team member, Emily."

The daughter tried to contain yet another eye roll. "Okay, mother. Bye, now."

She opened the door and her mother exited, without a hug or a goodbye. She closed the door and stared at the once open space. Her mother always had this effect on her. Especially with the reference to her father.

"Em? Darling, are you alright?" Remi asked and placed her hand on Emily's back. She knew something was wrong, she just didn't know how to help.

Emily looked back at her girlfriend with a haunted stare. She looked gaunt and fragile. Very different than the normal Emily Prentiss.

"I have to go," Emily whispered, her body still frozen. "I can't be here."

"Okay, we'll go somewhere. Where do you want to go?"

The profile frowned at her girlfriend with a hard stare. "I have to go alone. I'm going to the bar." She finally started walking toward the door. "I'll be back soon."

"I—" Remi tried to say but then shut her mouth, not knowing what to say or how to get Emily to stay. "Alright. Come back soon, darling."

Emily didn't respond. One foot out the door and she already knew what she was in for. A night she wouldn't remember the next day. She was going to get wasted. Like she did when she was a teenager when she tried to not give a fuck.

* * *

"One more," Emily slurred as she motioned her fingers to the bartender. She was drunker than she had been since college. She forgot how it felt like to not feel anything. She missed it, even though she knew how much damage it caused her.

The bartender raised an eyebrow at the drunk woman. "Ma'am, I'd not have another drink. It's unsafe—"

"I'm paying you, aren't I? God, I remember the old days when bartenders would try to feed you so much alcohol that… that… that alcohol poisoning was a guarantee." She laughed at her own statement. She hiccuped and smiled at him flirtatiously. "Oh, come on, baby. I can hold my alcohol. I can hold a lot of things."

The bartender didn't get a chance to reply to her risqué claim. He noticed the blonde standing behind Emily and pointed to her.

Emily wobbled around to find JJ staring at her.

"Really, Emily? Propositioning bartenders, now? How much have you drank?"

The profiler shrugged. "Not m— wha— what are you… you doing here?"

The liaison glared at her. "You called me, Em. You said, and I quote, 'Get your sexy ass over here, I need to tell you something.' What is it? Why couldn't you have called Remi to pick you up? You remember her? Your girlfriend?"

Emily frowned. "You're mad at me…"

"I am!" JJ exclaimed, very agitated that her night off was interrupted by this. "It's almost ten o'clock, it's my night off, and you drunk called me so that you could tell me some half-ass thing. I only came because I'm worried. But if you're fine—"

"Mommy yelled at me today," Emily murmured, looking down at the empty glass in front of her. "She just wanted to know if I wanted daddy's money."

JJ didn't understand what that meant at all, but she finally understood that something was really wrong. She sat down next to the brunette and grabbed her hand, trying to get more information out of her.

"Your mother came to your place today?" At Emily's nod, she added, "Did she yell at you for being in a relationship with… with a woman?"

Emily shook her head. "She knows I'm gay!" She let out an ugly laugh. "She caught me fucking a girl when I was eighteen. She just told me to hide it and left it at that. She's just happy I haven't married a woman. She'll draw the line at that."

JJ’s eyes softened. She was no longer angry with her friend, just worried. "Oh, Em. I'm sorry. So what's the problem?"

"She wants me to figure out… out what I want to do with the lake house."

"What lake house?" JJ asked her, not following Emily very well at all.

"Dad's. I've never been. I got it in the will. I just rent it out, but the people who've been renting it don't want to anymore. Mother wants me to sell it."

JJ finally started seeing what was going on. "Do you want to sell it?"

"It's all I have of his. He never had material things. Didn't want to cling to anything for when he died. Always a good planner. His death was well planned." She turned to look at JJ, who sadly understood what she meant by that. "I didn't say that." She furrowed her eyebrows and rubbed her eyes. "Hey, you're getting fuzzy."

JJ jumped up as Emily passed out in the blonde's arms. She pulled her up so that she could take her to her car. She drove to Emily's apartment. Taking a deep breath, she knocked on the door, holding Emily upright. The door opened.

* * *

"Thank you so much," Remi told her as she tucked the brunette agent into bed. "For bringing her here."

"She would have asked you," JJ lied, trying to comfort the professor who stared at Emily with worry. "But she didn't want you to have to leave Maia. She didn't want Maia to see her like this."

Remi smiled gently at the blonde. "I appreciate the thought, JJ. But I know that's a lie. Honestly, I'd be the last person she would call. She doesn't want me to see her. Every part of her."

JJ bit her lip, not knowing how to reply to that. "She's just very hidden."

"You mean secretive. And mysterious. I know. And I'm trying to give her space so she can tell me things, but I'm getting impatient. I don't know her."

"Yes you do," JJ argued frustratedly. "You know what kind of person she is. You know her likes and dislikes. You know how she feels about you. She just has trouble explaining her past. That's just how it is with the BAU. You can't take it—"

"Personally," Remi finished aggressively. "Yeah, I know. Sometimes I think that only you all are capable of loving each other. I mean you're already a family. You save each other's lives. I know I can't acquaint with what you all have. But I had hoped that by now that Emily would trust me."

"She does! I know she does."

Remi shook her head. "She may love me. But she doesn't trust me. That's why she didn't call me. Because that's what you have that I'll never have or I'll spend all my time trying to have. Her trust."

JJ was speechless to say the least. "What do you want me to say?"

Remi chuckled as she took a sleeping Emily's hand and held it close to her. “Nothing, JJ. Nothing. Thank you for bringing her here. I'll tell her you said goodnight."

The blonde nodded, knowing she was no longer welcome. She headed for the exit, opened the door and turned around, facing Remi.

"I know you think that she doesn't see you the way that you see her. But she does. She's just afraid. That's all."

"But that's just the thing, JJ. She's not afraid of you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ouch. Poor Remi. She's starting to realize that there are troubles in paradise. Poor Em. She needs some help, don't you think?
> 
> Thank you all for reading! Reviews are welcome and appreciated! XX


	8. life in the doorway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds! :) Though, some of the dialogue came from "Memoriam."

"Is Spencer okay?" Remi asked as her girlfriend put all the clothes she took to Vegas and put them in the washing machine.

Emily shrugged, unsure herself. Reid was strong, but going into your past is always difficult. Hell, Emily didn’t think she could do it.

"I'm not sure. Morgan texted me that Reid thinks he might have been a witness to a murder of a kid when he was little himself. He's been having nightmares, I guess, and thinks they are his memories resurfacing. And it has to do with his father that abandoned him. That bastard."

"Poor Spencer," Remi murmured, shaking her head at the thought of him having to go through that. "So Derek and Dave stayed with him in Las Vegas? That's nice."

"I think the rest of us would have stayed too, but at least some of us had to come home if we got another case," Emily explained before starting the machine. "The guys will be there for him, though. And if he gets some answers, it will all be worth it."

Remi watched her girlfriend carefully, trying to get a better understanding of her and her strange dynamics with her team.

"So do you all talk about your personal lives and your pasts as a team?"

The profiler shook her head immediately. "Not usually. We are all pretty private people. But sometimes the past does come out, whether we like it or not. But we all understand on some level to not profile each other. It's hard not to, though."

"Have you profiled me?" Remi asked her curiously.

Emily's eyes met her girlfriend's. "No," She replied simply. "I don't need to."

* * *

Garcia and Jordan Todd both looked at JJ when she let out a deep breath after clenching through some pain.

"What's with the wincing?" Penelope asked her friend with worry drowning her voice. "You okay?"

JJ shook her head and tried to fake a smile for all her friends. "I'm fine."

Jordan looked unconvinced. "Are you sure? I noticed this earlier."

Garcia leaned forward in her chair, knowing something wasn't right. "Earlier? How often?"

"Um…" She said, closing her lips together. "In the last hour, I'd say every ten minutes."

"JJ!" Garcia exclaimed excitedly. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

JJ looked up from her chair, toward the ceiling. "Because I am not due for another three weeks."

Garcia pulled off her earpiece and squealed, "News flash, you're in labor!"

JJ shook her head rapidly. "No, no, no, no. Because Reid needs us right now. And I-"

"Uh-uh. You need you, right now. Come on, get up!" She helped her friend get up from the chair she was sitting in and helped direct her to the elevator. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm not a doctor. I don't even play one on TV. But, I do believe that young JJ's going into labor."

Hotch, who was in earshot, said, "Are you okay? I'll get the car. What else do you need?"

JJ thought about it for a second, and then after groaning from pain once again, she answered, "Emily. Get me, Emily. I  _need_  Emily."

Hotch nodded and started moving to find where Emily had gone in this time of need.

Garcia helped JJ walk into the elevator. As the elevator descended, she kept telling her, "Breathe and walk. Breathe and walk," as if it were a mantra.

Once the elevator opened, they walked outside of the building where Hotch had already been waiting for them in the SUV. Garcia opened the passenger side door for her, and JJ wobbled into the seat.

"JJ!" Emily called out from the back seat. "Are you okay?"

The blonde looked behind her and saw an almost white colored Emily. She chuckled. "Apparently, I'm doing better than you."

Emily let out a quiet laugh. "Haha. Let's get a move on, Hotch."

* * *

"Three weeks early," JJ murmured, wincing from pain as she sat up from the hospital bed. "This is unbelievable."

Emily watched her friend sadly. She hated watching the blonde be in pain. "This happens…"

"I know it happens! But not to me!" JJ snapped at her angrily.

The brunette turned to look at Garcia and Hotch, who both looked frightened and anxious. Emily signaled them to leave the room so that she could have some alone time with the mother to be. Hotch and Garcia nodded and happily left the tense room.

Emily turned back to JJ. "Jen, is there something I can do?"

JJ looked at her. Really looked at her. And then she nodded. She scooted over in her small bed. "Please sit with me."

The profiler obliged and squeezed onto the bed.

The blonde laid her head on the brunette's shoulder. "I'm not ready to be a mom, Em. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm not ready."

Emily bit her lip, watching the blue eyes bubble up with tears. She pressed her hand delicately on JJ's cheek. "No mother knows what they are doing, JJ. No one is ready. But I know you're going to be a great mother. You're kind. And caring. And responsible. And loving. That's all you need right now."

"But what if I can't do this alone? What if I made a mistake with Will?"

Emily wiped her tears away and smiled at her, trying to support her as much as she could. "You didn't make a mistake. You will be a fantastic mother, Jayje. You can do this. Without Will. And you won't be alone. You have the team. You have me."

JJ nodded and took her hand. "God, I couldn't have done any of this without you. From the second I told you, you've stayed by my side. You've come with me to all the appointments, you've helped me pick out all the baby things, you've been there every second, and I can't tell you how thankful I am."

"Jennifer…" Emily breathed out, their faces so close, JJ could feel the hot air exhaled from the brunette's mouth. "You don't have to thank me. I  _want_  to be here."

* * *

"Hotch, Garcia," Emily called out as she closed JJ's door. When she was approached by the two members of her team, she said, "JJ is nervous. I think she'd really appreciate it if we could do some things for her so that she could relax. She didn't ask us but…"

"Yes. Yes, of course!" Penelope agreed as she listened closely to her friend.

"Hotch, can you go install the car seat in JJ's car? Here are her keys…" she passed the keys to her boss. He took them and nodded. He started to walk away, ready to complete the mission he was given. Emily then turned to the tech analyst and said, "The case. Please help Reid solve the case. She's feeling guilty that she's giving birth while he’s struggling. I'll call you if she gets closer. But I'll stay with her."

Penelope nodded. "She needs you, Em. That girl in there, she loves you. And neither of you know it."

Emily stared at her colleague blankly. That, she was not expecting. "Garcia…"

"Emily Prentiss, listen. I know you have Remi. I know that she's wonderful and that you love her. But I've been watching you and JJ for years. I know what you feel for each other. And I'm not saying that you should hurt Remi. I'm just saying you should think about it. Because JJ is going to have a baby. And all she wants is you. She hasn’t admitted that she wants you romantically, but it’s implied."

Emily blinked several times, not knowing how to reply. "I… Remi. She's… She loves me."

Garcia shrugged and responded, "JJ has loved you longer."

She walked away, leaving Emily feeling confused and afraid. She took out her phone and realized it was night time. She knew that she would normally be home by now. She starting texting her girlfriend.

**Prentiss: I'm going to be late home today. JJ is in labor and we are staying with her. I'll keep you updated. Hopefully, it won't take all night.**

Remi replied quickly.

**Ramirez: That's great! Give JJ my best! Love you!**

Emily looked away from her phone. Remi loved her. That she was sure of. Everything else, everything else could wait.

* * *

"I just got a call from Garcia!" Emily announced as she entered JJ's room. "The boys are coming home! And Garcia is coming back…" She saw that JJ's eyes were shut hard. She knew JJ was in pain and was trying to hold it in. Emily grabbed the blonde's hand. "Jen, are you okay?"

Through clenched teeth, JJ replied, "Get the doctor."

Emily ran to find her doctor. The woman followed the profiler into JJ's room and checked on the patient.

"She's ready. JJ, are you ready to have son or daughter?" The doctor asked as she put her gloves on.

JJ nodded quickly, trying to get through the pain.

"I'll go tell the others," Emily murmured as she headed toward the doors.

"Wait!" JJ yelled out. "Please stay! Please stay and hold my hand."

Emily stared at her. And even in this state. This state of extreme pain and agony, Emily noted that JJ was still the most beautiful woman she has ever seen. She walked up to JJ and took her hand.

"I'll stay with you every step of the way," Emily promised her.

And then, Emily's hand was crushed.

* * *

"He's beautiful, JJ," Emily whispered as she watched the blonde hold her son. It was a magical scene. He seemed perfect for her arms. The baby boy with so much promise. So much hope. It brought back some hard memories for the profiler. But they were soon replaced by new and happy ones.

"He's perfect," JJ croaked, her voice still hoarse from all the yelling. She turned to look at Emily for the first time since she had given birth to her son. She smiled at her. And Emily finally understood the cliche 'glow' that new mothers are supposed to have. "Do you want to hold him?"

Emily's smile faltered. She looked down. "I'm sure you don't want to let him go…"

"You should hold him, Em. You've been here every step for him. You've gone above and beyond any friend. You stayed with me through his birth. You should be the second one to hold him." She looked at Emily, trying to understand. When she saw the dark eyes look up into hers, she saw longing. She understood. She passed her son to her friend.

Emily let out a breath of air when he was placed in her arms. He settled in her chest. She held back tears. A baby. This was something she has wanted. Ever since she let her own go.

The blonde watched her son sleep in the brunette's arms. It was a magnificent sight. She was profoundly in awe by the two of them together. She couldn’t help but think that this was how it was supposed to be.

"He looks like he belongs there. In your arms," JJ admitted in a whisper.

Emily's head snapped up as she looked at the blonde. " _What_?"

"I have to confide, I see him in your arms and wish more than anything that he was yours. That Will wasn't his father. That you are. That must sound ridiculous." She looked down, in shame.

Emily melted. "It's not ridiculous. It's… I'm honored that you wish that. I wish… I don't know. That things were different."

"What things?" JJ asked her, looking up, hoping for some necessary answers.

"I'm not sure. I just wish things were simple."

"Me too," JJ agreed solemnly and then changed the subject by saying, "Pen's the godmother. I know it should be you, but I promised her like four years ago. And you know how she never forgets those kinds of things. I'm sorry."

Emily shook her head rapidly, not offended. "Don't be. It's okay."

"It's not, Em. You're just as much as a parent as I am. You… you're like his other mom. Not biologically. But… in love. I wish there was a name for that."

"When I lived in Romania, my mother's friend's son was baptized. The parents of the baby sat back as the godparents did all the work. In other cultures, godparents are like co-parents."

JJ smiled at that new information. "You're more than a godparent, Em. You might not legally be a parent, but you are one. To me. And my son. What was the godmother called?"

"Naşa," Emily told her, looking down at the baby.

"Naşa," JJ replied with a grin. "That has a ring to it. "Hey, baby. Meet your naşa. She loves you very much."

Tears entered Emily's eyes, and she didn't hold them back. "Jen, that means everything to me."

"I know it's not legal. And it'll be hard to explain to people. And I know you can't live with me or be there all the time. But you're family. Except you're more than an aunt. I wish there was something legal I could do…"

"It's fine," Emily told her. "This is enough. We know what it means. We know what naşa means."

JJ nodded and touched her son's cheek. "You hear that, Henry? We're a family."

Emily looked up and gaped at the blonde. "Henry? You chose the name Henry? That's beautiful."

"It's after my dad. I know how happy he would be if he was alive right now. He was a good man. My son's full name is Henry Elijah Jareau."

The brunette froze after hearing the name. Emily had tears running down her cheeks. She let out a sob. His middle name. "Jen… how'd you know?"

"When you were drunk, you told me about him. You told me how he loved you more than anything. And that all you wanted was to be his little girl again. I knew at that moment, I wanted to name my son after him. So I asked Garcia to look his name up. Don't worry, we didn't look into anything but his name."

Emily was speechless. "JJ, you named your son partly after my father?"

"Now Henry is tied to both of us. To two men who loved us. I hope that's okay…"

"Okay?" Emily laughed, still in incredible shock. "Jen, it's extraordinary."

And there she was, in perfect contentment. She felt loved and like she had a purpose. She felt unbelievable joy. She felt full. But in the back of her mind, she thought of Remi. She knew one day she could have it with her, maybe. But right now, she had a family with JJ. And it felt right.

* * *

Most of the team surrounded JJ as she held her son. She tried to remain not overwhelmed, but it was hard. She was just glad that Emily was there. With her presence, she felt stable. She felt like she could do this. She felt like she could be a good mom.

"What was it that Jayje called you again?" Penelope asked her dear friend, Emily, as she watched the baby boy curl into his mom's chest. "Naşa?"

"Yes," Emily replied, her eyes not leaving JJ holding her son. She didn't even notice the look the Garcia was giving her. The tech analyst knew something was going on. "It's Romanian. It just means that we are a family. Much like the position you have, as godmother."

Penelope squealed, "Does that mean we are all technically family?"

JJ chuckled, "I think we were a family before I had my son. But yes, Pen. Henry Elijah Jareau has a lot of people who love him."

"He does," Hotch agreed with them. "I know that Henry's namesake is after his grandfather, but what about his middle name?"

JJ turned to Emily, trying to figure out if she had the permission to tell him the truth. At Emily's slight nod, JJ told the team members, "His middle name is Emily's father's name. I realized I wanted my son to be named after two men who died loving their children more than anything. I wanted my son to share some of that love."

"Aww," Garcia exclaimed with a grin. "That's too cute!"

Their conversation was cut short when there was a knock on the door. The genius entered with a ragged smile spread on his face. He looked tired and worn out, but like he figured out something that was dragging him down for so long.

"Is there room for one more in here?" Reid asked the room as a joke.

JJ grinned at one of her best friends. "Spence, hi. Welcome back."

"Congratulations," Reid told her as he moved closer to her in the room.

"How is it that I just went through fifteen hours of labor and you look worse than I do?" JJ questioned her friend, still worried about him.

Reid shook his head as if she was being preposterous. "Don't be ridiculous. You look beautiful."

Emily realized that they needed some time together, so she announced, "Well, I sure could use some coffee. Anyone else? My treat." She led the team out of the room so that they could have some privacy.

The brunette profiler walked down the hall and toward the bathroom, still astonished by what had occurred during the day.

"Em!" Garcia called out. "Wait up!" She ran to catch up with her colleague.

"Hey, Garcia!" Emily said joyously. "What's up?"

Penelope glared at her. "What's up? You really don't know what I'm going to say? You're the profiler."

Emily shrugged, not wanting to think about what Garcia had to say about her and JJ's actions throughout the day.

"I love you, girl, but you are so clueless. Em, let's be honest. Naşa has a deep meaning. Almost as deep as JJ naming her son after you. What the hell does that mean?"

The ambassador's daughter sighed, not wanting to answer the question she had deep in her mind as well. "We're friends…"

"I don't see her naming her son after me. Or boy wonder. EP, she named her son after you. You stayed with her while she gave birth. You've played the role of dad for a long time now. Maybe you're protective of her. Maybe you want to help her because you want to be a parent yourself. Or maybe, you need to ask yourself, if you love her. Because if you do… Jesus, Em. If you love that girl over there, love her. Don't mess with her. Or Remi."

"I know. I don't intend to." She didn't know what else to say. Somehow Garcia had seen things so clearly even though Emily couldn't.

Garcia wrapped her hands around her friend. "I know you don't want to hurt anyone. But maybe that's the problem, love. Maybe you need to consider yourself a little bit."

* * *

"Everyone went home," Emily told JJ as she entered her room. "Though nobody wanted to leave. I had to remind them it was 3:00 AM and tomorrow is Tuesday. Is there anything you want me to do for you?"

JJ shook her head gently. "No, Em. You need rest, too. Go home."

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" Emily asked her seriously.

The blonde nodded. "Henry is in the newborn nursery so I can sleep. You should go home and do the same. Please, go home. You look beat. Besides, I'm sure you want to see Remi."

That was the last person she wanted to see. She loved Remi. But the last twenty-four hours made her so confused. But she didn't argue with the new mother. "Okay. Get some rest, Jen. If we don't have a traveling case, I'll see you tomorrow and the next day I could take you home. But if there's a traveling case, Garcia is set to take you home. But I will see you and my fin, godson, later, okay?"

JJ smiled and nodded. "Thanks, Em. For everything."

"You're welcome," Emily told her. With one last look, they stared into each other's eyes. JJ swore Emily's eyes didn't look as dark as most days. But then again, it could be just a trick of the light. 

* * *

Emily walked into Maia's room and watched her girlfriend's foster daughter sleep. She regretted ever being annoyed about her crying habits. She spent so much time trying to separate herself from Maia, knowing that she and Remi might not last. But now, she regretted it. She watched the baby breathe rhythmically. She grinned at the baby's innocence.

She couldn't help wonder that if she and Remi married, that Maia could be hers. That she could be a mom. The one thing that she really wanted at the time.

She knew that she was an important role for Henry. But she knew that JJ would only see her as a friend. And that Henry wouldn't see her as a mom. Maybe an aunt… maybe. Nothing was set in stone. On paper, Emily was nothing. But she wondered if she stayed with Remi if she could be something. To Maia. To their possible future child that she knew Remi wanted.

The profiler took off her clothes but her bra and underwear. She slid into bed with her sleeping girlfriend.

Remi groaned and wrapped her arms around the other woman. "How's JJ?"

"She's good," Emily whispered. "She has a very healthy baby boy."

"That's good," Remi replied, pressing her body against Emily's. "I'm glad you're home."

"Me too."

Emily just didn't know if her words were true or not. And that truly made her feel guilty.

* * *

Remi was completing her crossword puzzle as she ate her eggs. Emily watched her, knowing that there was something that she wanted to say after thinking about it all night.

"My dad's lake house," Emily mentioned as she took a bite of her eggs. "I'm thinking about taking a trip there."

The professor looked up from her puzzle, looking stunned. "Really? That's a huge step, darling. Why do you want to go?"

Emily shrugged. "I haven't been there. And it the only thing that connects me to my father. And if I do want to sell it, I should see what shape it's in. And if I want it, I thought about fixing it up. Vacation home."

Remi grinned at her girlfriend. "That sounds lovely, Em."

"I was thinking that we could go there on a long weekend. Like Memorial Day, or something. And I was thinking of inviting Morgan. He knows about this house stuff."

Remi nodded thoughtfully. "Might as well invite the whole team. You said it was like a mansion, right? Well, we're going to need a lot of help if you want to fix it up or sell it. Besides, it might be a bit awkward if Derek is there with just us."

Emily liked her idea, except the thought of JJ and Remi being under the same roof for a period of time. "Good idea. I'll talk to the team about it."

"What was he like, Em? You're Dad?"

Those were the only words Emily needed to close herself off. She got up and cleared her plate. She shrugged and answered vaguely, "I didn't know him that well."

Remi frowned, knowing this reaction by heart. She hated it when Emily's walls grew after she had taken them down for a while.

"Em…"

"I'm late for work," Emily lied and left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a couple of comments. So, I do not know anything about childbirth or parenting, so if any of that was incorrect, I apologize. Second, I do not speak Romanian, nor do I know the culture. I only know what google informed me. Third, Garcia knows what's up. Fourth, this is a very important chapter. This is the climax. This is the beginning of Jemily. But I must reassure all of you Remi/Emily fans, Remi will also have a happy ending. Remi is NOT going to be shafted. Also, I want to make clear that JJ is NOT using Emily. She is NOT trying to take Emily away from Remi.
> 
> Thank you all for reading and reviewing!


	9. ease my mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds!

_A few days later…_

She was awake, bitterly overthinking cases and old memories. Like most nights. Emily tried her hardest to hide her dreaded insomnia from her girlfriend, but she also wished that some nights she could just get up and do something so she didn't have to lay in bed and pretend that she was asleep. Remi was not a deep sleeper. She was actually thankful when her phone rang. She got up and answered the phone in the living room.

"Hello?" Emily answered, worried about the blonde who called her this late at night.

_"Em? I'm sorry… I probably shouldn't have called. You were sleeping and I just woke you up and-"_

"I wasn't asleep, JJ. Insomnia hitting hard today. What do you need?"

_"Henry is crying non-stop and I have no idea what to do! I'm just… I can't…."_

That's when Emily realized that JJ was crying and possibly hyperventilating. "JJ, I'll be right over. It'll be ten minutes, okay? I'll be there soon."

After hearing her friend grudgingly agree, she hung up and walked to her bedroom to gather her things and put on actual clothes.

"Is everything okay?" Remi murmured slowly as she stirred in bed.

Emily stared at the woman half-sleeping on their bed and considered her options. "Everything's fine. There's a case," She lied as she grabbed her go-bag. "I'll see you later, Remi."

"M'kay," Remi whispered waving her hand haphazardly. "Love you."

The profiler froze. She took one last look at Remi before left the room silently. She didn't know why she lied to her girlfriend. Sometimes things came out of her mouth before she had time to think about it. Which always threw her off guard since she was always so careful. She stopped at Maia's bedroom and looked into the room to make sure she was okay. Maia was sleeping soundly. 

She left her apartment and headed to JJ's.

* * *

Emily only had to knock once before JJ opened the door. The profiler heard the wailing from inside the apartment. She took one look at JJ and knew that she made the right decision coming.

JJ had dark circles under her eyes which contrasted her skin which looked sickly pale. She looked disheveled like she hadn't showered in a while. Tears, food, and what looked like saliva or spit up stained her clothes.

The brunette sighed and pulled her friend into a hug.

"I shouldn't have called you," JJ sobbed into her shoulder. "I just didn't know what to do. I'm so lost."

"Of course you should have called me! I told you before that you weren't going to go through this alone. Come on, let's go see your son." She took the blonde's hand and they walked into the apartment.

Emily walked to the crib and picked up the screaming baby. "Shhh…" Emily whispered as she bounced the baby gently. "It's okay, Henry. You've stressed your mommy out, haven't you? Aww, Henry. It's okay. You don't have to cry."

"I've tried feeding him, I've changed his diaper, I've tried swaddling and swinging him like the books said. Whatever the hell that means. Nothing seems to help."

Emily nodded and took a seat on the rocking chair. "Sometimes, babies match the emotions that their parents feel. You're overwhelmed, Jen. He feels that too. We just have to be calm. And here…" She reached over and turned the window fan on, creating a loud constant sound. Henry started calming down. Emily smiled, looking down at the little boy. "This little one's just tired, I think. Just like his mom." She looked up at JJ, who had tears running down her cheeks.

"How'd you do that so easily?" JJ asked her, with sadness in her voice, afraid that she wasn’t cut out to be a parent.

"I learned all of this stuff with Maia. Some nights she would cry all night," Emily admitted. "I realized she was calmer and fell asleep faster when Remi vacuumed the apartment. Some babies like constant sounds."

"I thought… I thought it would be natural, you know? Like I would just know what to do."

Emily nodded sympathetically. "If only it worked that way. But no parent is natural at being a parent. They learn. And they get better with experience. And now, you are going to go to sleep. I'll stay up with this little munchkin."

JJ shook her head. "You don't have to. I can stay up with him. I've already asked you for too much."

"No, you haven't. I wasn't going to sleep tonight anyway. Please, go to bed. You need it more than I do."

JJ bit her lip, finally feeling like she could take a minute to herself. She was so grateful for the brunette.

"Thank you, Em. Seriously. I don't know how to make it up to you."

"Just promise me that you'll call me anytime you need help in the future. Day or night."

JJ smiled at the profiler and felt a blush creep onto her cheeks. "I promise."

* * *

"A trip to your father's lake house?" Derek asked Emily on the way home to DC after a long case.

The brunette nodded and answered, "Yep. And I would really appreciate it if you could see if it was worth fixing it up or selling it and such. If it's not too much to ask."

Derek smirked at her. "Too much? Princess, this is all I do in my free time. You know, other than some other things…"

Emily rolled her eyes, smacked her friend’s shoulder, and then replied, "Other that TMI comment, thank you. Anybody else up for a trip? I can't promise it'll be any fun, but I thought we could bring some games and at least have alcohol."

"And this house…" Rossi started to say before he was interrupted by Emily who knew what he was going to ask.

"Is a mansion, Rossi. Don't worry, everyone will have their own separate rooms."

Rossi gave her a thumbs up and Emily turned to the rest of the team.

"Is Remi going to be there?" Spencer asked with hope in his voice. He had become quite good friends with the professor and always enjoyed her company and her never-ending knowledge of  _Battlestar Galactica_.

Emily smiled at him, glad that he wanted to hang out with her girlfriend. "Yes, she will be there. Maia will be joining us as well. She's out of her crying through the night stage, but Henry probably won't be. Since he and JJ are coming, too. Oh, and I already asked Garcia. She already told me she will handle the games." The team groaned at her statement about the games and Emily added, "I know. I tried to tell her that they were handled, but she told me that she was going to bring them either way. So we will have to deal with Adult Clue again."

"Maybe I shouldn't come," Hotch muttered. "Last time we played, I had to catch the UnSub who had a murder weapon of a-"

"Blah! Don't remind me!" Emily yelled out and covered her ears playfully. "But maybe she will be so invested in either of the babies or my relationship with Remi so she'll forget all about it."

Jordan cleared her throat, talking for the first time. "Is everyone invited?"

"Of course!" Emily told her cheerfully and with a bright smile. "It would be awesome if you could come, Jordan. We can get to know you better. Ooh, and you can meet Remi. I bet you'd really hit it off."

JJ's current replacement grinned at the profiler. "Thanks. I'd be happy to come. Besides, I've been meaning to ask JJ how she got through this job."

"You're doing great, Jordan," Emily comforted her. "You'll get used to it. It gets easier."

* * *

"Did you tell your mother that you were going to the lake house?" Remi asked her girlfriend as they pulled out of the parking garage, on the way to the lake.

"Nope," Emily answered simply. "She would never approve of me taking a vacation, god forbid anyone has fun!"

Remi snorted, chuckling lightly. "I'm glad I get to meet Jordan for the first time. She sounds awesome. From what you said about when you had to go undercover to get information out of that creepy guy, she sounds rad."

"Ugh, don't remind me of the Viper,” Emily grunted and pretended to fake vomit. “I still have nightmares of that pervert idiot. But yeah, she was a real asset with that."

"Tell me again how you are able to easily convince a guy who specializes in picking up chicks that you are straight?" Remi asked her curiously.

Emily shrugged. "Easy. Just stand there. Guys tend to think that all the girls love them. It just reminded me how lucky I am that I am not attracted to those bozos. And that I have you."

"That isn't saying much," Remi told her. "I think a piece of cardboard would be a better catch than a guy like that. Or any guy for that matter."

The profiler laughed, understanding that on a deep level. "Yeah, maybe you're right. All the guys I dated were assholes."

"Guys that you dated?" Remi questioned slowly, not having heard about this before. "What guys? When?"

Emily inwardly groaned. She slipped up. She kept her guard down and she got slammed by questions she never wanted to answer. "I dated guys when I was young. I would sleep with practically anyone who would piss off my mom. And that wasn't difficult."

"Wow," Remi stated, her eyebrows raised. "I didn't know you were like that."

Emily frowned. She knew she said too much. "Like what? A slut? It's not like I'm proud of my past."

"No, Em. Not a slut. No one’s a slut. I didn't mean it like that. That was rude of me. You were a sexually active teen. That's cool." Remi started tapping her foot, a sign that she was becoming anxious. She then started to ramble. “I was not cool. I was the closeted teen with braces who was too afraid to tell any girl that I liked them. You, on the other hand—“

"Relax, Rem. I'm not offended. I was who I was. But I'm very different than the ignorant teen that I was all those years ago. The past doesn’t matter."

Remi felt like she had to open up as well, knowing that it was never easy for Emily to admit something about herself. "I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-one. I waited until I loved somebody. Call me a prude—"

"I wouldn't call you that," Emily said fiercely and held onto her girlfriend’s hand. “What you did was smart. You did what you felt comfortable with. And I'm jealous of that. I wish I waited until I was ready."

"No one else saw it that way. In my freshman year of college, I told my roommate. She got drunk and told everyone. The rest of the year, the people in my dorm called me 'Adult Virgin.' It was a bad year. And, I still had my braces."

"That sucks," Emily told her honestly. "They sound like assholes. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"Yeah, well, now I get to teach arseholes like them and I have the ability to fail 'em," Remi joked lightly, trying to ease the tension and show that she wasn’t held up by her past. "Besides, I'm dating a hot girl. My life is complete. What was your freshman year like at Yale? It must've been something."

Emily didn't want to tell her the truth. She didn't want to tell her that she spent her late teen years alone. "It was normal, I guess. Frat parties, studying, and hanging out with prestigious know-it-alls."

Remi knew her girlfriend well enough that she knew when Emily closed up. She sighed and accepted defeat.

* * *

The large house was next to the lake like it was almost a part of the nature itself. Emily stared at it in awe. It looked old and rustic, but not damaged. She didn't know what she hoped for. She thought it would be easier if the house was in rough shape. Because if it seemed uninhabitable and disasterous she thought it would be easier to not love it. But the house reminded her of her father. The little she remembered about him.

Remi joined her at her side, holding little Maia. She raised her eyebrows, taking a long glance at the fancy mansion. "Bloody hell. You never told me that your father was a millionaire."

"I'm definitely not poor," Emily admitted as she walked to the front door. She brushed her fingers along the wooden door. There was something familiar about this place. She just didn't know what.

"Em? Darling? Are you okay? Do you want to go inside?" Remi asked, concerned for her girlfriend who was just staring at the door.

"Oh, uh, yes."

She unlocked the door and entered the house. The foyer was large, with a fake bird hanging from the tall ceiling. Something about it made Emily feel calm.

"Holy shit," Remi breathed out. "This is something from my dreams. Ooh, I'm going to find the master bedroom!"

As Remi went upstairs, Emily glided through the house, feeling oddly comforted.

* * *

The team started trickling into the house, each one of them stunned by its beauty. Derek was first to arrive and he marveled at all the complex details of the house. He spent the next hour just walking around the house while other guests arrived. Penelope was second to arrive. Remi and Emily knew the minute she got there, for they heard her excited squeals from inside the house. She had spent most of the time playing with Maia, which was to be expected. Rossi was next, giving Emily another thumbs up as he entered. He didn't look around. He took a seat in the living area and poured himself a glass of scotch. He was already home. Hotch arrived next. He greeted the team but then went to find his room and started to unpack. Relaxing would have to wait. Spencer came next with a bag of books in his hand. He took a seat next to Rossi and started reading some Russian Lit, getting ready to have intellectual conversations with Remi later.

When Jordan knocked on the door, Emily approached her happily. "Jordan! I'm so glad you made it!"

"Hey, Emily!" She said, hugging the profiler. "This place is wicked cool. Thank you for inviting me again."

"You're part of the team, now, Jordan. Come inside! I have to introduce you to my girlfriend. She's excited to meet you." Emily led her new friend through the foyer and into the living room.

Remi walked up to the liaison. She held out her hand out and said, "I'm Remi Ramirez. It's so good to finally meet you. Emily has told me so much about you."

"Hi, Remi!" Jordan said and shook the professor's hand. "Jordan Todd. This place is fucking amazing, Emily. Oh, shit. My language. The baby."

Emily snickered and waved her hand like it was no big deal. "It's fine, Jordan. Maia's first words were, 'ass' and 'gun.' So, you know what it's like at our house now."

The brunette profiler's attention was interrupted when she heard a knock and Emily raced to the door. After opening it, JJ entered the house, holding Henry and two bags. Emily quickly approached her and took Henry so that JJ could pull her bags in.

"Thank you, Em," JJ murmured. Taking a deep breath when she entered, she gasped. "Wow. This place is crazy beautiful."

"Well come inside! Everyone is in the living room. I think Maia is going to be glad that Henry is here so that Garcia puts some of her attention on someone else." Emily told her as she led the blonde to the living room.

JJ grinned at the sight of her team just sitting around, looking calm. It was a fresh sight after they normally spend all their time with dark cases.

* * *

Emily stopped conversing and just watched the team interact in the middle of dinner. She couldn't help but feel happy. She watched her girlfriend geek out about Dostoevsky animatedly with Reid. She watched Garcia and Derek chat about how they would change the house and make it the ultimate party house. She watched Hotch talk to Rossi about what he was planning on getting his son for Christmas. She watched Jordan and JJ talk about their experiences being liaisons for the BAU. She felt pride inside, bringing all these people together, for something other than murder.

JJ saw her grin and she whispered in Emily's ear, "You've done good today."

* * *

"The babies are asleep," Emily said as she sat down with the rest of the team as they roasted marshmallows at the fire pit outside of the house. "We can now relax."

"I remember when Jack had problems sleeping through the night. I'm surprised that they fell asleep in the same room," Hotch mentioned to his subordinate.

Remi asked him, "How old is Jack again?"

"He's almost four," Hotch informed the professor. "It has gone by so fast."

"So, Emily, are you going to keep the house or are you going to sell it?" Morgan asked her curiously. "Because I can take it off your hands if you need me to." He smirked at her playfully.

Emily snorted. "I bet you would. I heard all of your plans with Garcia about changing the house. You know, I think I'm going to continue renting it out and keep it as a vacation home. I think it would be a mistake losing this place."

"So you didn't come here as a kid?" Rossi asked his fellow agent.

The brunette profiler shook her head. "I think I would have remembered coming to America as a kid. And it was always too painful coming here after my dad died."

"And now his namesake is here in his house," Garcia commented happily. "That's crazy symbolic. It's like full circle up in here!"

Emily's face fell. She did not tell Remi about Henry's middle name. She watched the team nod thoughtfully. It was only Remi who had no clue what the tech analyst was referring to.

Remi furrowed her eyebrows and muttered under her breath near Emily, so she could hear. "What does she mean by namesake? You're named after your mother."

JJ, who was on the other side of Remi, also heard what she said and understood what it meant. "Oh, uh, Henry's middle name is Elijah, after Emily's dad. I figured that my son should be named after two men who truly loved their family."

The professor turned to Emily and looked her directly in the eye. She cleared her throat as if she was about to yell at her girlfriend. But instead of screaming, she lowered her voice and told her, "That's special. I think I'm going to go check on Maia." She got up suddenly, worrying the rest of the guests.

"I'll go with you," Emily said as she followed her girlfriend into the house. Once the door closed behind them, the profiler murmured, "Remi, I was going to tell you, but I didn't think it was important."

"Naşa," Remi stated harshly.

" _What_?"

"I know what it means, Em. I'm not an idiot. I know as many languages as you, remember? I know all the Romance languages. I know that you were there for JJ the whole time. Before and after Henry's birth. So being his parent figure didn't surprise me. But he's named after you? A child, not your own, is named after you?" Remi asked her, tears bubbling up in her eyes.

Emily shook her head, not believing that this was really happening. Especially after the almost perfect day she has had today. "JJ just appreciated all that I did for her. Nothing more than that."

"I didn't even know your father's name was Elijah."

"Neither did JJ! She had to get Garcia to look it up!" Emily admitted, her voice raised, not knowing what to say to her at this point.

Remi stared at her, trying to contain her hurt feelings. She stood in front of the woman she loved and hoped that their love could be enough. She took a deep breath and sighed, "Okay. Alright. Sorry for acting like a paranoid git."

"No…" Emily said, walking up to her girlfriend and pressed her hand to the professor's cheek, caressing it delicately. "Don't apologize. I haven't been there enough for you. I— I've been neglecting you and that's my fault. I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?"

She didn't even hesitate to nod and hugged her girlfriend. "Of course I can, Em. But I'm still tired. I'm going to go to bed, but you stay up, okay?"

"Okay," Emily told her with a nod. She watched her girlfriend go up the stairs and leave her all alone in such a big house. She jumped when she heard the door close from the outside. She turned around to find Hotch walking up to her.

"Everything okay with you and Remi?" He asked her as he took a seat close to her.

"Yeah, yeah, we're fine," Emily lied easily. She found Hotch glaring at her, and she realized that he knew the truth. She groaned, annoyed that he knew how not okay everything was. "I don't know, okay? She said that she's fine…"

"You're a profiler, Prentiss," Hotch reminded her. "You know her better than anyone. If you think that she really isn't okay then you are probably right."

Emily shook her head. "I don't profile her."

"Why?"

She furrowed her eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

"Why don't you profile her? I mean, profiling a significant other is what every person in a relationship does. They just don't call it profiling. As a person in a relationship, you try to notice their tone, posture, and behavior, so that you know if you have done something wrong. So why aren't you profiling her?"

Emily never saw it in that way. "I don't know."

"When Haley and I were in the beginning stages of our relationship, we did everything we could to learn everything about each other. We studied each other until we knew everything about each other. We were so honest that trust came easy for us. We profiled each other so closely that we fell in love. But it was when I became an actual profiler, when I studied other people, that I stopped profiling her. Now I realize that I knew that if I profiled her, I would have noticed she was unhappy with me. And I couldn't handle that," Hotch confessed to her wisely. “So I just stopped.”

"So, are you saying that I don't want to know how she really feels?" Emily asked him, trying to read between the lines.

The Unit Chief shrugged. "Maybe. Or maybe not. Our relationships aren't the same, Emily. I was married to Haley for years. We had the time to create perfect trust. Maybe you just don't trust yourself enough to let yourself profile her and let her profile you."

Emily thought that through and found it to be true. "And what do you think that I should do about that?"

"You can't help how you feel, Prentiss. You can love someone all you want. But that isn't what makes a relationship a good and strong one. I wish I had realized that before it was too late," He nodded curtly before getting up and heading back outside.

"Wait, Hotch!" When he turned around to look at her, she asked, "Can you tell everyone that I went to bed? And tell them that we are okay?"

"Of course. See you in the morning, Prentiss."

"You, too, sir."

Emily walked upstairs to find Remi snuggling with the sheets in the huge bed. Emily took off her shoes and coat and crawled into bed. She wrapped her arms around the professor and realized that the woman was asleep. She was left alone with her thoughts to keep her company. She thought about everything Hotch had told her.

She knew that she had been making so many mistakes with Remi. She didn't know if it was because she didn't know how to do relationships in general or she didn't know how to do a relationship with Remi. All she knew was that she loved the professor and didn't want to hurt her. She just didn't know if that was enough for Remi. She didn't know what else she could give her. And that's what scared her. Remi was the first person not in the team to understand her in so long. They were so similar in so many ways. But Emily still couldn't let her in. And she didn't know if that was because she has so many walls that she didn't know if she could let _anyone_ in or if she just couldn't let _Remi_ in.

* * *

_"Emily, do you see the birds on the water?" He asked as the young girl snuggled closer to him on his lap. "They are heavy but they can float on the water."_

_The little brunette girl wasn't interested in the birds like he was. "Big boats can float on water, too, daddy."_

_The older man chuckled and held his daughter tight. His smile created lines on his face that were rarely used. "I guess you're right, Emmy. People can float on the water, too."_

_"But don't they sink, daddy?" Emily asked her father curiously._

_"Yeah," Elijah agreed, his smile forming into a frown as he stared at the murky water. His frown showed the age to his face. He was still so young, but he looked so old. "Yeah. People sink."_

_"Elijah!" A voice called out from behind them. Both father and daughter turned around to find a stern woman with hands on her hips, glaring at them. "Elijah, Emily, come here right now."_

_Emily glanced up at her father and whispered, "I don't want to go. I want to stay with you, daddy."_

_"I know," He told her as he kissed her forehead. "But we don't want your mother to be angry with us, do we? Come on, Em." He helped his little girl get up. He held his daughter's hand tightly as they walked to the lake house where Elizabeth Prentiss was waiting._

_Once they reached the ambassador, she commanded, "Emily, go to the car. I need to speak to your father."_

_"But we just got here!" Emily complained, stomping her foot dramatically. "I don't want to go to the car! I want to stay with daddy."_

_"Emily Elizabeth!" The cold woman yelled. "Do what I told you and go to the car. If you don't go to the car in the next five seconds I will ground you."_

_"NO!" Emily screamed, wrapping her little hands around her father, trying her hardest not to let go. "I love daddy! I want to stay with daddy!"_

_Elizabeth snarled and replied sternly, "If you don't go to the car, missy, I am going to call Jimmy so that he can grab you and take you to the car. Do you want him to do that?"_

_Emily's eyes darkened with fear. She shrunk back, afraid of the big man who was in charge of her mom's protection service. She shook her head._

_Her dad pulled Emily's hands away from him and crouched down to look at her. "It's okay, Emily. Go to the car. You don't need Jimmy, do you?" When Emily shook her head, he continued. "I love you, Emmy. Go to the car. I'll see you soon."_

_With one last hug, she walked to the house. She left the door slightly open so that she could hear their conversation._

_"What the hell, Elijah? I thought something bad happened to you both. You just disappeared like that. No note, nothing? You take your daughter to a different country and just don't say anything?" She heard her mom say in the angriest voice the young girl had ever heard._

_"Liz… I needed to see my daughter. You've kept me away from her for so long…"_

_"Because you won't stop drinking!" Elizabeth yelled at him. "You gamble and cheat and snort and drink. I can't trust you with her."_

_"She's my daughter, too," He argued, his voice becoming higher._

_"You lost your right to say that when Emily found her father in severe withdrawal from the coke and you forgot who she was."_

_"That was a mistake…"_

_"A mistake? Elijah, what if you hurt her? I told her you were sick, but she's nine. She's not an idiot," She paused before continuing. "I know you love Emily. I have never doubted that. You love that little girl more than you love anything. And that's why she only sees you at your best. I know you're struggling, but I can't let her see you until you get some help. Just get some help, Elijah."_

_"No one can help me, Lizzie."_

_"_ Yes _, they can. Do it for Emily. She needs a father."_

_Emily heard a sound so soft, she almost would have missed it. But she didn't. She knew her father was crying._

_"She doesn't need me. She shouldn't even love me."_

_Emily didn't hear what came after that. She ran to the car. The second the door closed, she put what she heard into a little box inside her head. She closed the box and pushed it away. She put her headphones on and drowned out any thoughts she could possibly have_.

* * *

Emily woke up shivering and nauseous. She ran to the bathroom and threw up. She washed her hands for minutes, trying to scrub away the dirtiness she felt. She checked the clock before leaving the bedroom. It was perfect. No one should be awake. She walked outside, feeling the brisk chill. She sat down in the same spot she had years ago.

Repressed memories. Just another thing that Emily could add to her endless list of problems. She started to cry, feeling what she had felt when she was nine years old. She had pushed away what she felt for so long. She felt like it just happened. She felt pain for her father. She just wanted him there, holding her. She just wanted to talk to him one last time.

Her catatonic state was interrupted when she felt a warm blanket wrap around her. She looked up to find a familiar blonde stare back at her. Emily felt like she didn't deserve the blanket, but she held it close to her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" JJ asked her gently, not pushing the brunette in any way whatsoever.

Emily didn't know words were falling out of her mouth until it was too late. "I have been here before. I pushed the memory away so far, but I've been here. I know why my mom wanted me to sell it now."

JJ sat down next to her friend. "What happened?"

"I was nine. Dad picked me up from my house in Russia in the middle of the night. I hadn't seen him in so long. He took me to the airport and we flew to America. He took me to this house. We just watched the water together. He held me close and reminded me he loved me. My mother came and took me away. My mother kept me away from him all my childhood. He was messed up. He drank, did drugs, everything. My mom tried to hide it from me. The last thing I heard my father say was that I shouldn't love him. He OD'ed a few days later. My mom couldn't hide that from me. But we were able to hide it from everyone else. To the public, Elijah Asher Prentiss died from a car accident."

JJ took the brunette's hand, holding it tight. She watched the woman break in front of her. The strongest woman she had ever known was falling apart.

"I was eleven when my parents found my sister in a pool of her own blood. They tried holding me back, but I was stubborn. Rosalyn was seventeen and my best friend. The previous day she gave me her necklace and told me she loved me. It took me a long time to realize that she really did love me. That her suicide had nothing to do with me. She wasn't well, mentally. And neither was your father. But that doesn't mean they didn't love us and we didn't love them. Because we did. I like to think they are happy now. That they found peace."

Emily sobbed and put her head on JJ's lap. Much like Emily had once done for JJ, the blonde brushed her fingers through the brunette's hair.

"Sometimes I— I feel like I'm hanging by a thread and I think that there is nothing really here tethering me down," Emily admitted to her in a quaking whisper. "I want to tell Remi. I want to tell her everything. I just can't."

"That's okay. You're the first person I have told about Ros. You'll get there with Remi. But in the meantime, you can talk to me. Just keep talking to me. And if you ever feel like you are hanging by a thread, come to me. I'll remind you what will keep you tethered down here. Like Henry. And Remi. The team. And me."

Emily nodded, feeling better about everything. She felt comfortable in JJ's arms. She felt reassured and relaxed. She felt like she could just be herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, lovelies! What a depressing chapter, am I right? But actually, it's a very important one! And unfortunately, I think it will be the last one for at least a couple of days. I'm going on a trip where I don't have access to my laptop, so I won't be able to update. But do not fear! I will be back and I will finish this story!
> 
> So Emily repressed some memories. But that isn't a surprise, is it? It breaks my heart how much Emily wanted to tell Remi about how she felt. But Emily being Emily closed herself off. At least JJ was able to comfort her. I loved writing that flashback. It hurt to write, but I love kid Emily and her dad.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Reviews are welcome!


	10. a youth written in fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds! This chapter heavily refers to "Demonology," but I changed a few of the scenes to what I think would have more accurately fit this storyline.

_A Few Weeks Later…_

"What's it like to be back in Counter-Terrorism?" Remi asked as she took a sip of wine and ate a bite of food that Emily prepared for herself, her girlfriend, and Jordan Todd, who had returned to her other job a couple weeks previously.

"It's like returning home, honestly," Jordan admitted to her two friends with a bright smile on her face. "As much as I loved working with the BAU, it wasn't really my thing."

"Which is unfortunate because we loved having you work with us," Emily assured her truthfully.

"I know! Even though I didn’t stay long, I’m glad I got to meet you all and do something different. But now we can all be where we really belong. And JJ is back at _her_ job. I have no idea how that woman does it. She still excels at her job and she's a single mom now, too."

Remi laughed a little half-heartedly. "She does seem to be good at everything. So, Jordan, is there anything else that you have planned in the future besides your job?"

Jordan's eyes dazzled happily as she conversed with the professor.

"I love my job to pieces, but I also love traveling. I just want to backpack through Asia or go on safaris in Africa or learn about culture in South America."

The professor started to grin, knowing exactly how the woman felt. "I understand what you mean! I love teaching, but I love just going from place to place, not knowing exactly where I was going to end up. Where is your favorite place to travel?"

The agent frowned and confessed solemnly, "I haven't really had the time to travel. I basically went to college and started working. I only went to Europe once when I was in school. A bunch of foreign language clubs came together and we decided to travel. It was a great experience, but I’d like to do as an older adult and not with a bunch of other young students that were happy about the different drinking age limits."

Remi chuckled and replied, “I bet. You know, I have the same excitement when I go anywhere. Have you ever thought about going to Ecuador? It's one of my favorite places to visit..."

As they continued their conversation, the two women almost forgot Emily was there until they heard her phone ring. Emily groaned and got up and went to another room to answer the call. 

"Emily Prentiss."

_"Em?"_

Emily froze like she had just heard a ghost. But in some ways, she did. "Johnny? Wha-"

_"I hate to bother you. But I need to see you. I'm in Alexandria. I'll text you the location."_

Emily didn't know what to say. Her mouth felt like it couldn’t function at the moment. "I- okay. I'll see you soon, I guess."

He hung up, but she received his text a few seconds later with a location. She didn't even have time to think about the call. She returned to the kitchen table where her girlfriend and friend were still chatting animatedly. She smiled, glad that she wouldn't be missed. Once they realized she was there, Emily cleared her throat.

"I have work to attend to," Emily lied carefully, trying her hardest to not look them right in the eye. "I'm so sorry. Please, continue to enjoy yourselves. I hope this is just some paperwork mishap. Jordan, I'm so glad to have talked with you, please come back again whenever you want to. You're always welcome here. I'll be back soon, Remi."

Before giving them the chance to reply, she turned away and walked out of the apartment. She felt numb. She couldn't allow herself to feel anything.

* * *

She entered the dank and dusty bar and found him immediately. Unsurprisingly, he didn't look too different. His similarities to his younger self made her wonder if he was the same man she left when she was fifteen. And that was most unsettling thought she had.

He recognized her, too. But she wasn't the same woman he had seen all those years ago. She was different. Not only by looks, but she carried herself differently. She was more stiff, yet ore put together now. Like she had grown up.

She approached him, quivering slightly. She took a seat next to him and ordered a drink. Finally, when she felt ready to talk, she turned to him and asked, "Johnny, why did you call me? We haven't talked in years."

"I called you. Multiple times. I thought maybe today, you might pick up your phone." He took a sip of his whiskey and looked down at it. He couldn't look at her. He was too much of a coward to look at her.

Emily sighed, annoyed that she had somehow offended him without even trying. "I was on a case, John. And you didn't leave any messages. What's going on? Why did you need to talk to me?"

He took a long sip of his alcohol as if to prepare himself for the words that he knew he had to say, and then murmured, "Matthew's dead."

He finally looked up, trying to search Emily's face for a reaction, but knowing the brunette well enough to know that he might not find one. Even as a teenage, she was good at hiding (and possibly even controlling) her emotions.

The profiler felt nothing for a second. But that fleeting numbness only lasted for a moment. Then came nausea. She pushed it down her throat with a swallow.

"How?"

"His parents said that he had a heart attack," John informed her bitterly.

Emily chewed her lip, trying so desperately to keep all her feelings inside. "Have you seen him recently?"

"Yeah," He admitted, feeling guilty and ashamed. "A couple of times."

"And how was he?"

John shrugged, not knowing how to reply to that. "He was Matthew. He was rambling. A little chaotic."

Emily read between the lines of the little and unbearably vague information that she was given.

"He was using."

"I don't know," John replied with almost a short temper, rubbing his chin self consciously. "Probably." He took another sip of whiskey and looked back at the glass.

Emily stared at him and noticed that something was off. "There's something that you're not telling me."

"The last time I talked to him, there was somethin' different." He noticed that he caused Emily to look very concerned. He decided to go into further detail. "He was talking crazy. But the— uh— fear, I can't quite explain it. It— it was real."

Emily gaped at him, knowing something unusual happened. She was expecting suicide and was stunned to find out that there could be foul play, or even a homicide.

"Wh-what was he saying?"

"He said, 'Johnny, they're gonna kill me,'" John whispered as if he thought someone was listening to their conversation."

Her eyes widened. "Who's they?"

"He wouldn't say," John answered and then gulped. "He said that they already murdered a guy from Georgetown named Tommy V and made it look like an accident."

Her heartbeat quickened and she went into profiler mode. "Do you know anyone named Tommy V?"

"No," he insisted as he crossed his arms, as if he was starting to become defensive. "Look, he was probably just paranoid. But with what you do for a living now..."

Emily nodded, debating what to do about the situation. She wanted to find out what happened.

"Yeah, yeah."

"I mean you're one of the only people he ever trusted, Em."

She didn’t need the guilt trip, and it honestly frustrated her that he thought she needed convincing.

"Okay. I'll look into it, John. I promise. But I can't promise that I'll find anything."

"All I'm looking for is the truth, Emily. We owe him that," John agreed gratefully. His eyes linger on the woman from his past. "It's been too long."

She blinked at him several times, not knowing how to reply to such a statement. "There's a reason why it's been so long."

John's face fell. "I guess you're right. I'll see you around, Emily. Call me with whatever you find." He gave her a quick half smile before he turned around and left Emily alone, grief already overwhelming her.

* * *

"I told you not to mention me," Emily muttered angrily as she was approached by her team after they spoke to Matthew's parents.

JJ looked at Emily carefully, trying to understand what was going on in her head. "You didn't say it would get us kicked out."

Hotch frowned with seriousness. "Is there something we should know?"

Emily was torn about how much to reveal to her team. She felt vulnerable enough about having to go into her past alone. The last thing she wanted was for her team to find out about her past as well.

"Matthew and I met in Rome when I was fifteen. My mom was posted there. His parents didn't like us hanging out."

JJ didn't know what that meant. She was annoyed by how vague and condescending the brunette was being by avoiding the questions.

"And they still hold a grudge?"

"They were extremely religious," Emily tried to explain without revealing too much. "They thought I was a bad influence."

JJ could hardly believe what Emily said knowing that the brunette was such a good person (and arguably a nerd).

"You?"

"Yeah," Emily stated firmly, trying to shrug away JJ’s stunned question.

Hotch felt like she wasn't being entirely truthful. "And that's it?"

"That's it," Emily replied as she squeezed her way in between the two agents. She needed to get away from them. She felt… too much. Too many emotions and memories were resurfacing at once and she felt so overwhelmed

She walked outside of the building. She pulled out her box of cigarettes that she had taken out from her desk earlier that day. She hadn't smoked in years. But now seemed like a better time than any to start the habit again. She lit the cigarette and felt a wave of relief.

But she also felt an uncontrollable wave of memories.

_"Emily, try one. It's fine," John promised her as they leaned on the wall in a dirty alley. "Come on, scaredy cat. It'll be fun."_

_The teen girl rolled her eyes and snorted, "That's what you said about the X."_

_John groaned and facepalmed. "How the fuck was I supposed to know that I got bad X? The guy seemed legit."_

_"The guy was sketchy as hell, Johnny," Emily told him, grinning wildly. She turned to the other boy, who was kicking rocks. "Mattie, tell him that the guy was sketchy and that John should have known."_

_Matthew looked up, and Emily for the first time realized that his eyes were red and sunken. "It's just a cigarette, Em."_

_Emily stared at him, knowing something was wrong. He always chose to do the right thing. He was always the good one._

_"See! See, Em! Even Matt knows not to be a buzzkill. The X was a mistake, but remember the coke? That was a good deal."_

_"Oh, just shut up already," Emily muttered as she took a cigarette from her friend. As she lit the sucker, she watched her friend look down at the ground, looking depressed. Emily wanted to ask what was wrong, but she knew that John would just make fun of them._

Her memory stopped re-playing when she felt a hand on her back. She turned to find a confused blonde.

"Are you okay?"

Emily thought about nodding and returning to the case, but her head shook instead. She didn't know why she told her no. She also didn't know why she started following JJ on a walk that seemed pointless.

"Matthew was an old friend," JJ said, trying to understand the full picture. "You haven't talked to him in years. And yet…"

"And yet it seems like I'm unraveling," Emily finished for her. "It makes sense. Because of me, his life unraveled. It's only fair."

JJ tried to search the dark eyes for answers or even feelings but found nothing there. That scared her even more. "You haven't been in his life for years, Em. How could you have unraveled his life?"

Emily sighed, not wanting to share. "Because of me, he got screwed up. I caused his suffering. I helped him lose his faith. And then I left. I didn't even help him."

"Some people become lost, Em. You know that."

"I was the lost one. I came to him lost and afraid and empty. He saved me. Without him, I wouldn't be here. But I also ruined his life in the process."

JJ didn't understand what she was talking about. Nothing connected. "Em, what aren't you telling me?"

Emily started talking, and she didn't know why. "I didn't have friends as a kid. I moved around so often I didn't have time to make friends. But then I became a teenager. I became a loner and everyone noticed. I just— I wanted someone to talk to. I wanted to be accepted. And sometimes… I'd do anything to be accepted."

It took a second for JJ to understand what she meant. They stopped walking. Emily couldn't look at her. JJ's face fell at the realization that this was much more complicated than it seemed. She gently cupped Emily's face and pushed her chin up gently so that she would look at the blonde. She nodded warmly, trying to encourage Emily to continue.

The brunette cleared her throat, trying to form the words in her mouth. She knew she couldn’t stop now.

"I couldn't tell my mom that I was pregnant. Matthew suggested we talk to the priest. He said that if I had an abortion, I wasn't welcome in his congregation."

"So what did you do?"

Emily's lips quivered and she explained, "Matthew found a doctor. He took me there. He stayed with me. That Sunday when we got back to Rome, he held my hand and walked me into the church. Father Gamino actually stopped his sermon, but Matthew told me to hold my head up, and we walked to the front pew. He and Matthew just stared at each other. It was like a battle of the wills. And then… Father Gamino went back to his sermon. Matthew saved my life. He made me feel like I was worthy of love and friendship."

JJ nodded and removed her hands. "And that's when the questioning started."

"Yeah, and when the drugs we were doing melded with his religious questioning, you could understand why his parents were afraid he was possessed by something evil."

JJ wrapped her arms around the brunette and held her tightly, as if she could somehow stop the her from breaking.

"He wasn't even the father," Emily whispered sadly. "He wasn't the father and he still loved me. Maybe… I think maybe if he _was_ …"

"Don't," JJ commanded fiercely. "Don't start thinking about what if's. That's not going to help you or him. What will help is if we solve this case."

"You're right."

* * *

The air was cold but felt good on her rigid body. She felt the snow bite her skin. It was chilling but welcoming. She didn't know exactly where she was walking but she felt her legs drift in a direction.

She finally looked up when her legs stopped moving. She found herself standing in front of a church. Much like the one she went to when she lived in Rome. She pulled out a picture from her pocket. The kids in that picture would look happy to anyone else who saw it. It was only Emily who knew the kids in the picture were lost. Lost and empty and were just trying to be loved, but were used to being let down. She saw the red drip onto the picture. She wiped her nose, feeling the blood stain her skin.

And then like it was yesterday, she remembered going inside the church in Rome for the first time.

_She walked inside and felt the warmth. Comfort. Down the aisle, she felt peace. She longed for it. She suddenly felt someone tug her sweater and she turned around._

_He was smiling shyly. "Hey, Emily, right? Your mom's the ambassador?"_

_Emily wasn't used to this. The recognition. She saw the look of hope in someone's eyes, and she was in awe of it. "Yeah, yeah. I'm Emily. You're Matthew, right?"_

_He nodded sheepishly. "I was wondering if you wanted to sit with us. If— if you don't already have someone to sit with."_

_She didn't know what to say. She had never been invited like this before. It was such a simple question, but it meant so much to her. "Yeah, yeah. Sure."_

_Matthew grinned and led her to the back where another boy was sitting. He had his feet up on top of the row in front of theirs. He looked so careless and free. The first thought that Emily had about him was that she was sure her mother would have hated him._

_He looked at them as they took a seat next to him. He looked at her from head to toe. He charismatically smiled and said, "Damn, Matt. How the fuck did you get a girl to sit with you?"_

_"Shut it, John," Matthew told him, his face becoming red. "Emily's new and I thought she could use someone to sit with."_

_John laughed and replied, "Well, she chose well. Cooley. John Cooley. You'll be fine if you hang out with me. Matthew… eh, not so much. I just felt bad for the little guy, ya know?"_

_Emily could tell that he was an asshole. Everything about him screamed douche. And somehow, that made her want to know him that much more._

_"Nah," She said confidently with a slight smirk. "I think he's the one that feels bad for you. Prentiss. Emily Prentiss."_

_John stared at her for a second, as if trying to figure out her deal. He then let out a breathy chuckle. He grabbed Matthew's shoulder and shook it playfully. "You got us a good one, Mattie. She'll do. She'll definitely do."_

She shivered fiercely, feeling the cold finally pull her under. She started walking again. This time, she felt like she had no control. She didn't know where her feet were taking her. She felt her body lose any resemblance of feeling. She didn't know if it was because of the freezing snow or because of her.

She stopped in front of a familiar building. She looked up. This was where she wanted to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh! Cliffhanger! Where do you think she is?
> 
> This was a sad chapter, but it was a sad episode. I use this episode in so many of my stories because I love it so much. Other than the whole "Lauren" storyline, this is all the past we get for a long time. I loved writing the flashbacks. Little John Cooley was such a dick. (BTW for all you lovely readers who don't know drug lingo, X is ecstasy and Coke is well... cocaine.)
> 
> I'm still on vacation, but I was able to sneak away for some time. Thank you for reading and reviews are welcome and appreciated! XX


	11. the deepest sighs, the frankest shadows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh my gosh, thank god I'm back. Hopefully, I will be updating more frequently for the next couple of weeks!
> 
> I do not own Criminal Minds!

With shaking hands, Emily used her keys and opened the door. She immediately felt the warmth of her apartment and shivered in reaction to the temperature change. She felt almost like the frost on her skin was melting. As she walked further into the apartment, she was met by her girlfriend, with a concerned frown on her face.

"Bloody hell, Em! What happened to you? You're freezing!" Remi took Emily's wet jacket off and held her hand as the profiler darted her eyes away from her girlfriend. She brought her to the couch and wrapped a blanket around her. "What happened? Are you okay?"

Emily didn't know how to reply. She wanted to tell Remi everything. She wanted to be open with her. She wanted to be better than she had been. She opened her mouth and whispered, "I walked home. Hard day."

"Oh," Remi said and kissed Emily's cheek. "I'm sorry, darling. But I have good news to cheer you up!"

Emily frowned. She wanted to tell Remi the rest, but it was obvious to her that Remi's mind was on something very different. "What is it?"

"After I ate at that Mongolian restaurant that you don't like with Jordan, I got a call from the foster agency. A family wants to adopt Maia!"

The words echoed in her head and the profiler felt a wave of nausea and ran to the bathroom. After a few minutes, her whole stomach was empty. She flinched away from her girlfriend's touch.

"Em… is it the news…?"

The ambassador's daughter didn't know how to reply. Emily apparently saw the news as everything but good. She lied and shook her head. "I don't feel well. I'm going to go to bed. I just need to go to bed."

"Oh," Remi said again, not knowing how to help her girlfriend. "Okay. I'll help you to bed."

"No!" Emily almost yelled. At Remi’s stunned reaction, she lowered her voice and said, "I mean, I'm good. I'm just going to go." She got up from the bathroom floor and took off her shoes.

She walked to the bed and took some sleeping pills. And then took some more. She crawled under the warm covers and in the back of her mind, she hoped that she never had to get out of the sheets. She wanted to go to sleep and never wake up to this nightmare. 

* * *

_Emily threw the rocks at Matthew's window and waited for him to open it. After a few seconds, he opened it, looking agitated._

_"What the hell, Em? It's 3:00 A.M. and my parents are going to kill me if they find out that you're here."_

_She didn't reply. He waited until his eyes adjusted to the darkness. And when they did, he saw that Emily wasn't okay. Her face was red and her cheeks looked wet. He was officially concerned. He had never seen Emily cry._

_"Move. I'm coming out."_

_After Emily got out of his way, Matthew hopped out of his window. He walked up to Emily and noticed right away the smell of cigarettes and liquor. But this wasn't a new scent for her. He didn't even flinch. He took her hand and led her to a bench a few blocks away. They sat down in silence._

_"I'm pregnant," Emily whispered as soft as the wind in their hair. She let the tears flow down her cheeks. She wasn't even afraid for him to see her this way._

_Matthew was speechless. He felt empathy for her. Then sadness. Then anger and frustration. "John…"_

_"Doesn't want anything to do with me," Emily told him, her voice shaking._

_Matthew's fists curled up into a ball of madness. "He's an idiot, Em. He'll see. We'll show him that he's being stupid."_

_She shook her head slowly, her lips quivering. "I don't— It's my fault. He doesn't want anything to do with my mistake."_

_"Your mistake? Em, you both did this! It isn't just_ your _fault."_

_Emily ignored his comment and said, "I can't tell my mom. She hates me enough already. I— I don't have anybody. I'm so scared."_

_He gaped at her. He had never, ever, heard Emily Prentiss say that she was scared. He wrapped his arms around her and murmured in her ear, "I'm here. I'm here for you. You have me. It'll all be okay._ "

* * *

" _Daddy, I don't want you to go," Emily whined as her six-year-old arms wrapped around her father's legs._

_Elijah Prentiss crouched down on his knees and said, "I'll only be gone for a few months, Emmy. I'll be home in no time at all."_

_Emily let a tear fall down, but her dad wiped it away, showing her a big smile. "I don't want to be alone with mom."_

_He nodded as if he understood her worries. "I know. But it will only be a little while. And then I'll be back and we can have fun together again, okay? Daddy needs to go. But he will be back soon."_

_The small girl threw her hands around the man's neck and cried into his shoulder. "Please don't leave me!"_

_"I'm sorry, love," He said and gently pulled her away from him. "I have to go. But here, look." He tugged a small bear out of his coat pocket and held it in front of her. "This is… uh… Terrance. He will be there for you when I'm not. He will love you and protect you just like I do. So whenever you miss me, just hold him." He passed her the teddy bear._

_She held the soft stuffed animal with kind eyes and then she squeezed it, loving the gift her father gave her. She looked up at her daddy's eyes and found them to look sad. She smiled at him and said, "I'm going to give you something, too!" She turned around in her room and remembered the bracelet she had made only a few days ago. She picked it up and brought it to her old man. She tied it across his wrist. "There, daddy. Now you can remember me, too."_

_He smiled at her and pulled her into a hug. "I love you, Emmy."_

_"I love you, too, daddy."_

_He got up and walked away. Emily sneakily followed him and heard him talk to her mother._

_"Are you all packed?" Elizabeth Prentiss asked._

_"Please don't make me do this," Elijah muttered darkly._

_"We agreed, Elijah. A few months of rehab and you kick the drugs and alcohol, then you can stay here again. This is best for you and Emily."_

_"Bullshit! That's bullshit and you know it!" Elijah yelled at her. "You never think about what is best for Emily. You haven't thought about her since the moment you gave birth to her. That little girl doesn't even know you love her."_

_"I am just trying to give her the best life possible—"_

_"By dragging her across countries? By leaving her friends behind? By making her study so hard she doesn't know how to be a kid?"_

_Emily heard a few seconds of silence until her mother said, "Just leave, Elijah."_

* * *

_Emily didn't hear her dorm room door open. She didn't hear her mother enter the small room. She just heard her mother clear her throat and she stopped sucking the skin off the girl in her bed._

_The redhead saw the older woman and freaked. She grabbed her t-shirt off the floor and bounced._

_Emily easily hid her embarrassment_ _. She had learned how to do it her whole life. So when her mother walked in on her having sex with a woman, she knew how to act all nonchalant about it. She slowly pulled on some clothes as her mother turned around, to not see her naked daughter._

_"So…" Emily started to say. "You ever learn how to knock?"_

_Elizabeth turned around, her arms crossed, and her eyes daggers. "You ever learn how to lock your doors? Anyone could have walked in here."_

_Emily shrugged as she got up from her bed. "I'm an adult, mother. Remember that? I can do what I want."_

_"I'm still your mother, Emily. I can pull you out of this school in an instant."_

_The eighteen-year-old rolled her eyes and said, "Whatever. What do you want?"_

_"I want to tell you that I decided that I'm not staying in the states. I've been posted to Ireland."_

_Emily was not impressed nor was she surprised. "Great. Can you leave now?"_

_Elizabeth opened her mouth as if she was going to say something and then closed it. She then said, "I expect that you won't tell anyone about your… choosing of partners?"_

_"Of course, mother. I would never try to_   _embarrass you by telling all your friends that your daughter is a lesbian-sexual-freak. Thanks for stopping by," Emily replied as she basically pushed her mother out of the door._

* * *

_"Hey, little girl," An older boy said as he sat down next to Emily in the small cafeteria. "How are you, sexy?"_

_The fourteen-year-old flinched at his ugly words. But she didn't let him know it. She turned her disgust into a fake smile. He might have been the grossest guy in their small school, but he was one of the most popular._

_"Good. How can I help you?"_

_He grinned, trying to look charismatic, but he just looked like an_   _overexcited pervert. "Party tonight. Only a few are invited. My house. Parents gone. You in?"_

_She pretended like she had to think about it for a few seconds. She hadn't been busy at all during her life. "Yeah, I think so."_

_"Great, see you there." He walked off with a group of guys cackling and hitting him on the back like it was a job well done._

_But she ignored them and smiled, happy that for the first time in years she had been invited to something._

_She put on the shortest skirt she could find that night. She put her hair up in a ponytail. She was ready. She snuck out and walked a few neighborhoods down to Alistair's house. It was the biggest one around._

_She thought the house would be piling with people, but was surprised to find only about a hundred people were inside. She was greeted by the older teen, who gave her a toothy smile._

_"Sexy, I'm so glad you could make it. Here's a drink," He passed her a red-solo-cup and said, "Want a tour?"_

_Emily nodded and took a sip of a funny tasting drink. It tasted a little fruity, but otherwise, it tasted wrong. But she drank it all anyway, for it was what everyone else was doing. She followed him to his bedroom, ignoring all the giggles from the people they walked by. She couldn't really hear them anyway. Everything felt a little fuzzy._

_Walking up the stairs became difficult for her. She felt extreme tiredness. She thought she was going to fall down until he caught her. He said something, but she didn't understand it. She felt her body being lifted as she also felt like she was floating._

_Her vision went black._

_She woke up naked and outside. She was nauseous and sore and she couldn't tell anyone what she had eventually realized had happened to her._

* * *

_She got up from her bed past her curfew. Emily tiptoed down the stairs to find her mother talking to Jimmy, her bodyguard._

_"So he wasn't murdered," Elizabeth asked the larger man in the kitchen._

_"They declared it a suicide, Ma'am. Overdose. They said it was Heroin."_

_The ambassador snorted. "Figures. It was the drug of his choice when I met him. That bastard. Now, what do I tell Emily?"_

_"You could tell her what we are telling everyone else. That it was a car accident."_

_"Maybe. But that girl is intuitive. She'll know something is up."_

_"Honestly, Ma'am, she's a little kid. She'll believe anything you tell her."_

_Emily looked down and ripped off the bracelet her father had returned to her at the lake only a few weeks previously. She hated what it meant to her._

* * *

_"You okay?" He asked her as he drove down the long road, hours of driving ahead of them. "You haven't said anything since… since…"_

_Emily stared out the window. She felt her hair fly across her face. She couldn't explain to him how she felt. She couldn't put her feelings into words. "I'm fine."_

_He knew that she was lying. He knew her better than anyone. "I'm here for you, Em. No matter what. You made the best decision you could have made."_

_"I ended a life…"_

_"No," Matthew argued. "You saved your own life. You're fifteen, Emily. You couldn't have raised a child. And you would have been ostracized for getting pregnant. You made the right decision."_

_Emily turned to look at the boy. He wasn't as classically attractive and charming as John was, but Emily knew Matthew's beauty came from the inside._

_"How could you support me when everything I have done goes against everything you believe?"_

_It took a while for the boy to reply. "Maybe I just don't believe anymore._ " 

* * *

_"Emily, darling. It's time to go. We don't want to be late," Elizabeth said as she knocked on her daughter's door for the fourth time. She was growing agitated with her daughter's lack of response. "Okay, I'm coming in." She used her key and entered the room._

_She found young Emily sobbing into her ratty old teddy bear. Elizabeth almost cringed at the sight._

_The almost ten-year-old didn't want to let go to the only thing that connected to her to her dead father. She held it tight and didn't want to let go._

_"Emily, we have to go. Put the bear down and put on a dress. We have to go to the funeral now," Elizabeth ordered as she crossed her arms. There wasn't a comforting bone in her body._

_The girl shook her head. She wouldn't say goodbye to her daddy and she wouldn't let go of her bear. "I'm staying."_

_Elizabeth sighed loudly. "I'm not asking you, Emily. I'm telling you to let go of the stuffed animal and put the dress on. We have appearances to make."_

_Emily looked up into her mother's eyes with flaming hatred. "You didn't even love him."_

_Her daughter's statement horrified her. She twitched uncharacteristically. She wouldn't be affected. No, she had things to do. "Emily Elizabeth Prentiss, if you don't come here in an instant I am going to call Jimmy so he can pry the bear out of your hands and burn it. Is that what you want?"_

_The young girl glared at her, tears still running down her cheeks. She let go of the one thing that kept her happy. She placed the bear on the bed and got up. She put on her dress and combed her hair. She did what her mother told her._

_Before she entered the church, her mother pulled her to the side._

_"Wipe your tears, away, Emily. No one can see you cry. We're strong, Emily. We don't cry for our loss. You're too old to cry." She stood up straighter and tugged on the young girl's hand._

_Emily wiped her tears and promised herself to never feel anything as much as this so that she could be strong. So that her mom wouldn't see her cry._

* * *

Emily woke up with her body feeling achy. Her head hurt as she tried to hear whatever Remi was saying to her.

"Em...10:00… alarm… wake…" She heard her girlfriend's voice go in and out. She pressed the pillow onto her ear, trying to keep from hearing her. She felt Remi touch her back. "Em, darling. You slept through the alarm. I've gotten texts from your team. They need you right now."

The profiler squeezed her eyes shut, trying to make everything in her sight dark. She didn't want to wake up. "Let me sleep."

"Darling, I need to go to work. I can't stay…"

"Then leave," Emily murmured harshly. She didn't want to hear her voice anymore. "Please, just go."

Remi was confused. She didn't know what to do. She had never seen Emily look so depressed. She then noticed that Emily was sickly pale. "Em, are you sick? Do you feel ill?"

"Please go away," Emily said quietly. "I'm sorry, but I just need you to go."

That scared Remi more than anything. Emily has had a cold before and she worked through it. She knew that if Emily was sick she would pretend she wasn't and would try to work through the sickness. She got up from the bed and walked out of the room. Before she went to work, she called the one person that she thought could help Emily. Even though calling her went against everything that she wanted.

* * *

"Has anyone gotten a call from Prentiss?" Hotch asked in the conference room, checking his watch for the third time in the last few minutes.

The rest of the team shook their heads, concerned for their team member who hadn't come into work.

"Remi said that she was sick," Reid told them. "But every other time she has shown signs of symptoms of sickness she has come to work. She has only been late to work three times and they were days of heavy traffic."

"Her friend died," Rossi mentioned. "She's grieving."

The rest of the team nodded. They forgot that Emily couldn't possibly compartmentalize everything.

JJ was interrupted in deep thought with a phone call. She recognized the number so she walked out and answered.

"Hello?"

_"JJ. Thank god. Something's wrong with Emily. I don't know how to help her and I have to go to work."_

JJ's heart raced at the sound of Remi's voice. "What's wrong? What's happened?"

_"I don't know! I don't know! She came home last night, and I told her that Maia got adopted and she threw up. She went to bed. And now she doesn't want to wake up. I don't think she's sick but I'm not sure. I couldn't think of who else to call."_

"Right. Right. I'll be there shortly." JJ said before hanging up. She quickly walked back into the conference room and said, "Remi called me. She's worried about Emily and she wants me to check up on her. I'll try to figure out what's wrong."

"Good. Go. Make sure she's alright. And if she needs a day off, make sure she gets it," Hotch told her seriously.

JJ nodded and left the room. She needed to figure out what was wrong.

* * *

"Emily?" The woman whispered as she entered the apartment. She had found the key under the placemat, just like Remi had texted her to do. She felt weird entering an apartment without being invited in. She walked inside and headed for the bedroom. She knocked on the door gently before entering. She was startled by how dark the room was. She went over to the window and opened the blinds. She jumped when she heard Emily groan. She turned around and saw her.

Emily had pulled the covers all the way up to her chin. She was hugging a pillow. Her face was almost translucent. Her body was shaking. It terrified the blonde.

"Em? Can I help you in some way?" She asked the woman who tried her hardest to not listen to the loud voices. When she didn't receive an answer from the brunette, she said, "I heard about Maia. Did you tell Remi about Rome?"

The brunette didn't reply. She felt dizzy and blackness was rushing into her vision.

JJ walked to the side of the bed to try to get closer to the woman. She stopped when she heard a crunch and felt something below her feet. She looked down to find a bunch of pills including a pill bottle. She let out a gasp. "Emily, how many sleeping pills did you take?"

The profiler groaned and rolled on to her back. "Only a few."

That did not make JJ feel any better. She put her hand to Emily's forehead and asked, "How many is a few?"

She coughed and replied, "Four. Maybe five. I don't know. It'll pass."

"You've done this before?" JJ asked her, concerned for her friend.

Tears fell down Emily's cheeks in embarrassment. "Not in a long time. You can leave. It'll pass."

JJ shook her head, not knowing how to deal with this situation. "I'm staying. How long will it take for it to pass?"

"It'll be a while."

The blonde sighed and laid down on the bed next to the brunette. "When's the last time you did this?"

"Before the BAU," Emily admitted. "Not for a while. The memories. They… they were too much."

"And then the news of Maia," JJ added, finally understanding what the brunette was going through.

Emily let out a harsh chuckle. "It's fitting, isn't it? Almost like the Universe telling me that I don't deserve kids for what I did."

JJ cringed at her friend's words. She wrapped her arms around the breaking brunette. "Oh, Em. That's not true. The Universe doesn't control us. You did what you had to do when you were fifteen. No one blames you. You deserve children just as much as I do. As anyone does. And you will be a parent someday. You know you always have Henry."

"It's not enough. It's… when I met Remi, everything seemed so perfect. She wanted a family. She had Maia. It seemed perfect. But now… Maia's going to be adopted. And Remi thought I would be excited about that. She… I love her. But she doesn't understand parts of me. And I don't have the courage to explain them to her."

JJ nodded, understanding exactly what she said. "I felt the same way about Will. I thought that we could have everything. That we could have the suburban life and the 2.5 kids and everything my parents would have wanted for me. But I didn't want it. I love Henry and I want children. But I want the job more. I love it. And I wouldn't let Will in to see that about me. I never will be able to let anyone fully in. That's just who we are."

"Do you think… do you think there's hope for us?"

The blonde thought about it for a second and replied, "I know there is."

* * *

Remi walked into her apartment many hours later. She brought home some Thai food, hoping that Emily would feel better enough to eat. She found Emily and JJ in the living room, Emily looking much less sick. She didn't know what she was hoping for. Part of her wished that JJ wouldn't have been able to get through to her either.

"Hey, guys," Remi said as she put the food on the table. "I brought home food. JJ, you're happy to stay, there's enough food-"

"I think I should get going. I miss Henry," JJ replied as she turned to Emily. "You good?"

Emily nodded and gave her a short smile. They had spent hours sleeping and talking. JJ was able to convince her that she should just tell Remi the truth about how she felt.

"See you tomorrow, JJ. Thank you for everything."

JJ smiled gently before leaving the apartment.

Emily turned to Remi and tried to give her a reassuring smile. She knew that she really worried her girlfriend this morning.

"What'd she say?" Remi asked as she sat down on the chair. She started taking out the food from the take-out bag, avoiding looking at her girlfriend.

The profiler didn't understand her question. She got up and walked over to the table. "What do you mean?"

Remi sighed, tired of feeling like she was going around in circles with her girlfriend. "I mean, what did JJ say differently than me that got you out of bed?"

Emily could tell that Remi was upset with her. She didn't know how to make things right. She just felt like she owed the professor the truth. "She didn't say anything. I… uh… took too many sleeping pills. My body needed to recover."

Remi dropped her chopsticks that she was holding and looked up to find Emily looking ashamed and guilt-ridden. She didn't know what to say to the woman. She definitely hadn't expected that.

"I— did you try to take that many?"

"Yes," Emily breathed out. She looked down at the food. It made her nauseous, but it gave her something to do. "It was the first time I've done it in years."

"Did you do it so that you could sleep for a long time?" Remi asked her, not understanding what she meant.

"Kind of. I wanted to sleep. But I also didn't want to feel. But don't worry, okay? I won't do it again."

Tears started falling down Remi's cheeks. She finally found out that Emily was hurting and she didn't know what hurt her and why. "Why didn't you tell me something was wrong? What didn't you want to feel?"

Emily bit her lip. She didn't want to burden Remi with her feelings and emotions. "I don't want to let go of Maia."

Remi frowned. "Em… I told you at the beginning that she was going to be adopted. I—I'm so sorry, darling. I love Maia, too, but we have to let her go. We did our job."

"I know," Emily replied, tears forming in her eyes. "I guess, I just thought that we could have her. That we could be a family."

"Oh," Remi muttered, feeling like she had done something wrong. "I wanted us to be a family, too, Em. But Maia shouldn't have been the only thing that was holding us together. We've been having problems for a while now."

Emily nodded sadly, knowing that her girlfriend was right. "That's my fault. I've been keeping you at a distance the second we got together. It's not your fault. It's all mine."

The professor shook her head. "It's not all your fault, Em. Not only did you keep yourself at a distance, I let you do it. I'd either let it go or I'd push you too far. You never felt at ease with me. And I'd try to deny what was happening. You have walls, darling. I know that. And I should be patient. But it's-"

"Hard," Emily finished for her. "I'm so sorry about that."

Remi gave her a short smile as the tears fell down. "I know, darling. I know. But it wasn't just that, was it?"

"JJ," Emily stated, knowing how the professor felt about the blonde.

Remi sighed. "No. Yes. No. I know that you'd never cheat on me. I know that you never meant to have feelings for her. I never worried that you'd leave me for her. I was always afraid that I was pushing her to you. Or, even worse, I kept you from her."

Emily shook her head rapidly. "I love  _you_ , Remi. Not JJ. She's straight. She's my best friend. She means a lot to me."

"I know that. Which is the reason why JJ isn't the main cause of our problems. Our problems stem from the fact that we're in two different places."

"We both want a family," Emily argued. "We have solid jobs. We love each other. We want the same things."

Remi shook her head and took a deep breath. She was finally going to come clean. "I got a job offer about a month ago. After my semester ends, I was invited to teach at the University of Delhi. I was going to invite you, Em. And I know you'd say yes. Not for yourself, but for me. But you wouldn't want to go. Your life is here. Your family is here. I wouldn't take that away from you."

Emily wanted to argue with her. She wanted to tell her that she'd go anywhere with her. But deep down, she knew that wasn't the case. "You really want to go?"

"I don't want to leave you. But I don't spend too long in each place I stay. I become anxious and bored. It's not you, Em. I just have to leave." She got up from her seat and she walked to the other side where Emily sat, crying. She cupped her hands around Emily's cheeks. "I don't want to hurt you, Em. I know you're in a dark place right now. So I wasn't going to say anything, but I need to be honest with you. I love you."

The profile let out a soft whimper. "I love you so much."

"I know. But sometimes it's not enough. This doesn't have to be a bad thing. We loved each other, Em. That's the most we can do. Just because we're ending, doesn't mean we can't be happy. It's just a new beginning. And we can stay in touch, right?"

Emily nodded and wrapped her arms around the professor. "I'm so glad I talked to you in that bar that night."

"Me, too."

* * *

She spent the night binge watching  _The Mentalist_  with Remi. For the first time since the beginning of their relationship, she felt happy just being with her. She felt comfortable laying with her ex-girlfriend. She didn't feel like she was being someone she wasn't.

They went to bed and cuddled. It was intimate but not at all romantic. They held each other as if they were holding on to the connection they had rather than their relationship. Nothing was forced. It was how it should have been the whole time.

Emily went to sleep with a clear conscious. And for her, that was a big deal. And she woke up refreshed. She knew the next day was going to be a sad one, but she held on the good memories to keep her warm inside.

The next morning, Emily texted the team and told them that she needed another day off. She received many worried texts, but she assured them that she's fine and only needs to get over a sickness. All of which is a lie. But it wasn't the same lie as the previous day. This time, she wasn't crawling in a pit.

Today was the day the two women decided to take Maia to the adoption center. Today was the day they were going to give Maia away to her forever parents. And they were sad. But they were also so thankful for the time they had with the little one.

They drove in silence, but it wasn't awkward or depressing. It was hopeful and reassuring. They parked and looked at each other. They got their strength from each other.

Holding hands, they walked inside the building. They were given a few minutes of alone time so they could say goodbye the baby they had grown to love.

"Maia," Remi whispered as she and Emily picked her up and held her close. "We are going to miss you. But I know you're going to be happy in your new home."

"You're going to have two daddies and a brother, Maia!" Emily cheered softly. "Isn't that exciting?"

"And you are going to be so loved just like we love you." Remi pulled out a photograph from her back pocket and showed it to the babbling baby.

Emily caught a glimpse of the picture. She smiled. She remembered taking that photo fondly.

_"Ugh, why did we choose to go to the park again?" Remi asked as they walked through the green field, trying to find a spot to sit down and eat their food._

_"You were the one who said that we should do something romantic," Emily joked, making faces at the giggling baby that she was holding. "Remi's a bit silly, isn't she, Maia?"_

_Remi rolled her eyes and said, "Let's sit under the tree. At least we will get some shade."_

_Emily followed the woman to the tree and watched her lay the blanket on the grass. She sat down next to her girlfriend and put Maia in the middle of them._

_"You're right, we should just stick to our show watching," Remi complained as she looked around herself making sure no bugs were on here._

_"Aren't you the girl who says that she loves nature?" Emily snickered, amused by her irritated girlfriend._

_Remi glared at her. "Shut up."_

_"Come on! This isn't so bad!" Emily said, putting on a huge, fake smile._

_"You're lying just to make fun of me aren't you?"_

_"Yep! And you love it!" Emily said, enjoying herself way more than she thought she would. She pulled out her camera and added, "I want to take a picture and remember this."_

_"My misery?" Remi asked her._

_"Exactly," She joked before leaning into Remi and taking a picture of them._

_"Hey, Em?"_

_Emily turned around to look at Remi looking closely at some watermelon they had brought. "Yeah?"_

_"There are already ants all over this. Can we just go now?"_

_Emily snorted and said, "Of course. But we are leaving that food here. Let's go."_

She looked at the rare photo where all three of them were smiling and cherished it. She was so happy that Maia could keep a piece of that.

As Remi put the picture in her blanket, she asked Emily, "Do you think she'll remember us?"

Emily didn't know the answer to that question. She thought about her past and everything that she has gone through. "I hope so. I really do." She wrapped her arm around Remi's shoulders, pulling her into a hug as they both sobbed.

But it was okay. They were going to be okay.

* * *

"I called the University and took the job," Remi said as they ate some Italian food that Emily decided to make. "The job starts in a month."

"Oh, good. You have time to prepare," Emily commented, happy for her friend.

"Yeah, except I'm leaving in a few days. I've decided that I'm going to travel for a while. I'm going to tour places of Asia I haven't been to yet. I'm really excited."

Emily was sad that Remi was leaving. But she was also glad that Remi was doing what made her happy. "That's amazing, Rem. I'm so happy for you."

Remi grinned at her. "Thanks, Em. That means a lot. So I was thinking that you could take the apartment and most of my stuff. Or we could give some of it away. They are giving me a place to stay and I don't need much stuff… so…"

Emily nodded thoughtfully. "Thank you. Let's give some stuff away, then. Do you have a flight picked?"

"Yep. I'm leaving on Saturday. That way you can see me off. That is if you don't have a case."

"I'll be there," Emily promised her. "No matter what." She gave her a reassuring smile and then changed the subject. "So what's the first place you're going to see when you land?"

They spent the rest of the night laughing and talking and watching shows. Like old friends catching up after not seeing each other for so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sad but some-what happy chapter! Very emotional! I hope you guys like flashbacks because I wrote a LOT of them :/ I know a lot of you are going to be sad about the ending of their relationship, but I think that they are going to be so much happier on their own as close friends.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading and reviews are very welcome and appreciated! XX


	12. In the Mourning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds!

Emily opened the door after she heard the slightly aggressive knocks. She smiled at the man in from of her, but he didn't smile back. He looked concerned and anxious. She understood his worry and wanted to ease it immediately.

"Thanks for coming, Reid. I was thinking it would just be easy if we went out for coffee before work. I have something to talk to you about."

Reid's eyes widened, immediately thinking of the worst scenarios possible. "You aren't quitting, are you?"

"No!" Emily told him, shaking her head decisively. "No, I am not leaving the BAU. No, what I have to tell you isn't sad exactly. Come on, let's go."

He didn't seem sure of what she told him. But he followed her anyway outside of her apartment and to her car. He felt a tiny bit awkward being in the car alone with his friend, especially when there was something that she only had to tell him.

After about two minutes of silence in the car, she pulled into a parking lot and they both got out of the car and entered the coffee shop. When they received their coffee, they sat down.

"Look, Spencer, I'm going to tell the whole team what I am about to tell you, but I wanted to tell you first because you are the closest to Remi."

The genius didn't know what that could mean, however, something exciting popped into his head. "Are you guys getting married?"

Emily tried to hide her faltering smile. After a few seconds, she began to shake her head. "No. No, Remi and I aren't getting married."

"Oh," Reid muttered, his face full of disappointment.

"I want you to know that I'm a lot happier than I was before and that this is a good thing, okay?" At his nod, she took a deep breath and continued. "Remi and I have decided to end our relationship. Remi is moving to India in a few days."

Spencer couldn't hide his sorrow that he felt about that news. He loved Emily. He loved Remi. He loved them being together. "Oh. Wh-what about Maia?"

"She was adopted by a nice family, Reid. She's going to be just fine. And so are me and Remi. We ended things amicably. We are happy just being friends. I just wanted you to know now because I know that you adore her. And I know you don't want her to leave."

His face gradually became more gloomy as the minutes progressed. "She doesn't stay in a country for more than a year. She speaks 5.5 languages. She loves learning about new cultures."

Emily understood that he was trying to process the news by going through the facts. She added, "I gave her your address so that she can send you letters. And I gave her your email, just in case. Though I know you hate email."

Spencer nodded, but he didn't seem like he was really listening. "I thought you both were happy."

"We were, Reid. We loved each other. And she loved you and the team. But sometimes, there are other parts of our lives that are important as well that don't fit into each other's lives. Like Remi not wanting to stay."

"It's the job, isn't. It's the team keeping you away from her?" He demanded almost harshly.

Emily was stunned by his tone. Tears entered her eyes as she shook her head. "I didn't choose you all over her. It wasn't like that. We chose ourselves over us. It wasn't working, Spencer. We were in two different places."

He nodded, finally listening to what she was saying. He felt a little guilty for getting too intense with her. He looked into her eyes, vulnerability shining through. "Do any good relationships last?"

Emily pondered his question for a few seconds. Looking back at her past and what she knows today, she answered, "I'm not sure, Spencer. I'm not sure."

* * *

Before JJ had a chance to brief the team on their next case, Emily stood up, prepared to tell the team about her news.

She cleared her throat and said, "I'm sorry for taking a few days off without much notice. I had a dark day, but I'm doing better now. I just wanted to let everyone know that, uh, Remi and I have decided to split up. She's moving to India in a few days, but we are still very close. The breakup was mutual and I am doing absolutely fine. And Maia was adopted by a good family."

She sat down and found JJ's sympathetic eyes. She quickly looked away and turned to the rest of the team. Morgan looked slightly guilty and upset. Rossi gave her an empathetic nod. Hotch looked impassive, as usual. Reid looked as glum as he did at the coffee shop. And Garcia looked like she was about to cry for Emily.

"I'm so sorry, dear," Garcia told her friend comfortingly.

"No, no. This is a good thing, Pen. It was the right decision," She added those words in particular to remind Garcia of what she had told Emily when Henry was born.

The tech analyst nodded in understanding.

The team returned their attention to JJ as she began to explain their next case.

* * *

Emily walked out of the conference room and headed to her desk and knew immediately that the tech analyst was following her.

"Garcia," Emily groaned, knowing exactly what she was going to say. "Don't sulk behind me. Just say what you are going to say."

When the brunette finally faced the blonde, Penelope whispered, "Are you with JJ now?"

Emily shook her head. "No, PG. Our breakup had to do with us and why we didn't work well as a couple. It's strange, the second we broke up, the closer we got. We are so much better as friends. Besides, she got a job offer and wants to go."

The dazzling and spazzy woman stared at Emily as if she was trying to see if the brunette was telling the complete truth. "Are you sure you don't want to go? Are you sure that she isn't the one?"

"I am. I loved her, Pen. That I'm sure of. But it just wasn't enough for us. And that's okay, I think. We're happy."

Penelope finally nodded, as if she was giving in to believing Emily was telling the truth. "Are you missing Maia?"

"More than anything," Emily admitted shyly. "But she'll be happy with her new family. And there is always hope for the future."

"You know," Garcia recited with a mad grin on her face. "I know a girl that has a son who already sees you as a sort of parent and is probably into you. You know who I'm referring to?"

Emily snorted and rolled her eyes. She began to walk away. "Don't be ridiculous. Even if I have feelings for her, that doesn't mean she has them for me. And that was a while ago."

"Aha! At least you admit it!" She bounced up and down excitedly as she held onto Emily's arm. "Pretty please just talk to her! You guys would be the cutest darn couple."

The profiler sighed exasperatedly and pointed out, "I just ended a serious relationship. Isn't it a little too soon to even think about someone else?"

"Oh, puh-lease! You guys have been waiting years to be with each other. It isn't too soon. It's too long."

Emily pursed her lips and replied, "Whatever, Pen. Gotta catch a flight. See you soon."

* * *

Emily watched the blonde dig into the bag of Cheetos as Reid rambled to the woman about Immanuel Kant. She couldn't hide her smile as she saw the liaison try to follow what the genius was telling her, even though he was skipping over important information that he thought everyone knew.

She had wanted to sit next to her best friend on the way back from the short trip, but she knew that she would be awkward. She had no words in her mind that she could think of that would make up for what JJ had to go through to get Emily out of her bed and her darkening mind. She felt embarrassed about the whole thing. And with breaking up with Remi on top of it. She didn't even know what to even say to the blonde.

"I'm sorry," The voice said from across from her. Emily jumped at the surprising voice.

"Excuse me?" Emily didn't understand what Hotch had meant by an apology.

"I'm sorry that your relationship ended. Even if it was for the best, it still hurts. Remi played a major role in your life. And now she's leaving."

Emily raised her eyebrows. She was surprised that he wanted to talk about her personal life. "Oh, it's okay. I mean, it's nothing like what happened with you and Haley of course."

Hotch shrugged and countered, "Sure it is. You loved her, you lived with her, you took care of a child together. You might not have been officially married, but you were as close as it gets."

Emily blinked several times. She was speechless. "I— we were keeping each other away from what we wanted. And I wasn't open to her."

"Even so. Even though there are many reasons why your relationship didn't work, you both still loved each other. That's the best you can do. But it's okay if you have bad days or if you miss her. That doesn't mean that you want to be in a relationship with her, it just means that you learned to live with her in your life and you miss that."

Emily nodded, trying to soak in all the advice. "Thank you, Sir."

"Is there anything you need?" Hotch asked her kindly.

"Actually," Emily muttered as she thought about something that was on her mind. "There is this one thing. Um… Remi's flight is tomorrow. I was wondering if I could take the day off. And if you get a case that I'll just fly up to you when she leaves."

The Unit Chief smiled as if he was glad that she asked for the favor. "Of course. Now, go talk to Morgan."

Emily furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Why?"

"He hasn't been able to keep his eyes off of you without looking guilty. I suspect he may have introduced you to Remi."

Emily turned to look at her close friend, who looked anxiously out the window as he was listening to his music.

"Not exactly. But he might as well have." She thanked him and got up to sit across from Derek. She folded her hands on top of the small table shared between them. "Derek…?"

He avoided her eyes by staring outside of the window. He felt bad about what happened with Emily and her girlfriend.

"Derek Morgan, please stop brooding for one second and listen to me," Emily told him as she waited for him to look at her. Finally, when his eyes met hers, she said, "I just came over here to thank you, actually."

"Thank me?" Derek asked, raising one eyebrow quizzically. "I was the one who told you to go for the relationship. I didn't even follow through with the bet! I didn't date anyone."

Emily tsked and shook your head. "You think I care that you followed through with our agreement? It was never about that. I didn't date Remi because we both agreed to date. You know that I don't do anything I don't want to do. What Remi and I did never had anything to do with you, pal. I know you have a big ego and all that, but come on."

Derek's lips twitched into a short smile at her words. "It's just that… I feel like if we didn't create that stupid agreement—"

"Stupid?" Emily interrupted suddenly. "No, Morgan. Dating wasn't stupid. It was new and sometimes uncomfortable, but it wasn't stupid. I don't regret it at all. I don't even think I'm going to do the one night stand thing anymore."

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Really? So… you don't want to party—"

"Of course I want to continue partying with you, Derek. I'm not just going to turn into a shut in. I'm just saying I want something _more_. If there is something I learned about being with Remi, it's that I deserve something more. And maybe with time, I can let someone in."

He listened to her carefully and nodded. "You know, there is a person you know that you already let in…"

Emily glared at him. "Not you, too."

Derek shrugged as if he couldn't help what he thought. "She's single, Emily. You guys are close. You are close to her kid…"

She shook her head rapidly. "No, no, no. She's straight, Derek. She isn't interested in me."

"You never know…" Derek said with almost a vibrato in his voice. He winked at her playfully, purposefully trying to mess with her head.

Emily didn't know how to read into that. "What the hell does that mean, Derek? Do you know something about JJ or are you talking about yourself?"

For a quick second, Morgan put his guard down and he lowered his voice. "I don't only pick up girls at the bars, Emily."

She started to grin and she couldn't stop. His confession to her was welcoming and she held his hand supportively. She, too, lowered her voice and replied, "Thank you for telling me."

He shrugged as if it was no big deal. "We could have been a sexy couple if…"

"If I wasn't a huge lesbian and I saw you as an annoying brother?" Emily mused playfully.

Derek beamed at her. "Ha. You're the annoying sibling. The bossy sister I can't escape."

Emily punched his shoulder. "You wouldn't escape me even if you could, jerk."

He chuckled lightly and said, "You wish, sis."

* * *

"I cannot believe that you got a day off tomorrow. I'm so glad you get to stay home with me! I think you are just excited to help me pack!" Remi joked as she rolled her clothes up and placed them in a suitcase.

Emily snorted as she wrapped the couple pieces of pottery from other countries with foam sheets. "Yes, that's exactly what I want to do. How in hell are we going to be able to fit your stuff in three suitcases?"

"I've done it in one, Em," Remi reminded her thoughtfully.

She nodded and finished taping the product around the object. "Yeah, yeah. Okay. I finished these here. Are you going to wrap the clothes around them?"

"Yep. Come here," Remi said as she finished rolling up her shirts.

Emily walked over and passed her pile of wrapped pottery to her ex. She watched Remi place the objects carefully in between the layers of clothes. "The other two suitcases are filled up with my bathroom stuff and my books and DVDs."

"I'm going to miss the originals collection that you had."

Remi smiled at her sympathetically. "Well, at least I know what to send you for your birthday."

"Music to my ears, Remi."

The professor chuckled and replied, "Don't I know it. Alright, Em. I'm done." She zipped up her luggage. "All ready to go for tomorrow. Are you going to miss me, Em?"

"Every day," Emily told her honestly as she got up and laid on the bed. "It's going to be so quiet here without you."

"Eh, you'll be fine," Remi argued as she laid down next to her. "You'll be forgetting about me in a day."

"Oh shut it you nerd," Emily snorted as she rolled to her side. "You know I'm going to miss you."

Remi rolled over and stared into the woman's dark eyes. "I do indeed know that. Because I know how much that I will miss you. But I'm glad that I'm going. And I'm glad that you are staying."

"Yeah," Emily agreed thoughtfully. "At least we have tonight. What do you want to watch tonight?"

"Hmmm…" Remi pondered questioningly. "I'm in the mood for some good ole  _Psych_. I need some good comedy."

They ate takeout. They laughed. They talked. They watched. They enjoyed each other's company. They fell asleep on the couch and dreaded the moment they would have to say goodbye.

* * *

They walked to the point of no return at the security checkpoint. After checking the couple of bags in, Remi was only carrying a backpack now. She turned to Emily with tears in her eyes.

"I think I should get going now," Remi whispered gently as she wrapped her arms around Emily's waist. "I loved being with you."

"Me too," Emily replied as she held on tighter to her ex-girlfriend. "I'm so happy that I found you staring at me in the bar."

"Well, I do have good taste," Remi joked lightly as she rubbed Emily's back.

They pulled apart and realized that they were both crying. Even though they didn't last as a couple, they meant a lot to each other. Both made each other feel worthy of love.

They wiped each other's tears away and laughed awkwardly.

"Don't be afraid of letting other people in, Em. Don't be afraid of showing people the real you. You are so lovable if you just let people in."

Emily's lips quivered. She hugged her again and said, "You mean the world to me. You're the light, Remi. You deserve someone who lets the light in."

"Thank you," Remi told her as she kissed her cheek. As she let go of Emily, she whispered in her ear, "I don't think JJ is as straight as you think she is." She then winked at her and started to walk into the line.

Emily watched her go through the line and waved at her every time she turned around. With one last look, before Remi had walked through the metal detector, they smiled at each other. Emily watched her go and felt a small knot in her stomach. She was glad that Remi was going after what she wanted, but she was also sad to see her go.

Emily sniffled and pulled out her phone checking her message that the team had sent.

**Hotchner: Case in Atlanta. The details are sent to your email. Take your time. We understand if you do not come.**

**Jareau: Hey, Em! I hope that Remi got through security easily! Text me if you need to talk! If you don't come to Atlanta, see you soon! Henry misses you! <3**

**Garcia: EP! Call me if you want to work on the case with me! I'm always here for you!**

**Rossi: These children are annoying me. Come here soon!**

Emily snickered looking at her kind messages. She took a deep breath. She knew in that very second that everything was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sad to see Remi go, but this isn't the end of her in the story! I love how special her relationship was with Emily, but I'm glad that they are going their own way so that they both can be happy.
> 
> There are only a few more chapters left! Thank you for reading and reviews are appreciated! XX


	13. Fallingforyou

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds! (Don't hate on me, y'all)

The next flight to Atlanta was in a few hours so Emily spent them reading  _1984_ for the millionth time. Her flight was shorter than the amount of time she wasted at the airport. She forgot how annoying commercial flights could be. When she actually arrived in the city, the team had already gone to a hotel for a night's rest. Morgan told her that she had to share a room with JJ due to there not being enough rooms. Though, Emily doubted it (the hotel hardly seemed crowded or busy). She guessed that Penelope had something to do with the situation.

She knocked lightly on the hotel door just in case that JJ was still asleep. But apparently, she wasn't. Only after one knock, the door opened and the blonde pulled her into the room and in her arms.

"Oh, Em, how are you doing?" JJ asked as she held her tightly, trying to be a source of comfort for the woman.

"I'm fine," Emily told her as she let go of the liaison's arms. When she noticed that JJ looked at her with disbelief, she added, "I'm serious, Jen. I'm okay. We ended things amicably. She's happy leaving and I'm happy staying. Everything is how it should be." Emily walked into the room and placed her stuff next to the one twin size bed.

Even though JJ still wasn't sure if she could believe her friend, she said, "Well, we were all worried about you. Hotch would have given you the case off if you had wanted it. He knows what it is like to end a serious relationship. Hell, we all know what it's like. It's just part of the job, unfortunately."

Emily nodded as she sat on the corner of the bed awkwardly. "The job really wasn't the reason why we ended our relationship, though. We just… couldn't make it work, no matter how much we wanted to."

JJ nodded and sat down next to her, a good foot in between them, and replied, "Did you… er… tell her about Rome?"

The profiler shook her head. "No. I didn't. She didn't need to know about that. I wasn’t ready and it wasn't necessary. Besides, there wasn't a good time to tell her in between the whole 'breaking up' thing. And I didn't want her to feel bad about what happened with Maia. It was already too much to handle."

"I'm sorry that you had to hold that in for so long. I wish… I wish you could have told me earlier. I wish I had told you about my sister sooner. She's an important part of me that not many people get to know about."

“I’m glad you let me in on such a big part of you.” Emily looked into the blue eyes and whispered, "I don't let people in. That's actually why I think we ended. Our relationship that is. I just… I don't normally get to know people long enough for them to care enough to know things about me. I'm not used to having…"

"People care about you?" JJ finished for her. Once she saw the brunette's slow nod, her body flooded with compassion for the other girl. "Oh, Em. I understand that. I never let anyone in after my sister died. She was my best friend. When she died, I felt like a part of me died."

Emily understood what she had meant by that. "When my dad died, my mother didn't let me mourn. She told me to hold it in and make sure no one saw my pain. That's when I learned how to put my feelings and memories into boxes. Every single traumatic moment lives in a little box inside of my head. The walls are tall and it's hard for me to remove them. And then sometimes… they come out without me meaning them to. That's… that's when I used to take the sleeping pills. They'd help me forget and numb everything."

"Did your friend's murder bring back old memories?" JJ asked with curiosity.

Emily nodded and bit her lip, trying to hold in the intense feelings she had carried since Matthew had been murdered. "I don't want them, though. I've been able to put them back into boxes, and Remi being there for me helped, but they are pulling me toward the edge. I mean I'm happy, I am. I know I made the right decision about Remi. But I can't keep holding everything in there." The profiler tried to hide her face from the blonde by laying down onto the bed.

JJ wanted her to know that she was there for her so she laid down next to her, hoping to show her through physical contact. "Have you ever thought that maybe you don't have to compartmentalize all the time now and that's why the memories are coming back? Maybe deep down, you know that you don't have to hold it in."

The brunette considered the blonde's point. "But compartmentalizing is what makes me so good at my job."

JJ shook her and cupped Emily's face. "Oh, Em, no. You being able to compartmentalize has only been for your benefit. But that doesn't make you good at your job. What makes you good at your job is how you to want to save people and the unwavering and unselfish kindness that you have for people. Em, you being able to put things in boxes helps you sleep at night, but it doesn't save all the people that you have saved with your bravery and courage. Not compartmentalizing, feeling, that's what makes you human. That's what makes you want to be alive."

Emily's lips quivered as her eyes watered at the brink of tears. "I don't know how to not live in my own head. I don't know what it's like to be myself."

JJ's heart broke for the woman in front of her. "Em, I think you are going to like who you are on the inside. I know that I do."

"But you d-don't know me. My past. What I have done."

"I don't need to, Emmy. I know who you _are._  Your past isn't who you are." JJ whispered closely to the woman.

At JJ's use of the nickname that her father had once used for her, she started to sob. She knew that JJ didn't know that ‘Emmy’ was the name her father called her. Emily let the blonde wrap her arms around her. She let herself truly be comforted. She let herself be the real Emily. For the first time since she was a kid, for the first time since she had learned how to compartmentalize, she was truly herself.

* * *

Emily woke up early in the woman's arms. The blonde was still sleeping (and snoring) when she took a deep breath. For the first time since she could remember, she didn't dream about anything that night. She woke up refreshed like there wasn't a weight pressing on her.

She breathed in JJ's scent and she couldn't help but feel a little intoxicated. Last night, she let JJ in. Last night, she let herself be loved. And she couldn't feel better. She knew that it was a long shot with JJ. But she no longer minded loving her. All she knew was that she felt healthier, stronger, and happier in the blonde's arms. Even if all it could ever be was platonic.

The brunette felt the blonde stir and she said, "Hey there, sleepyhead. I'm guessing that it is time to wake up. I'm surprised the team hasn't come to get us."

"Well," JJ muttered before she yawned and opened her eyes. "I think they knew that we needed some alone time. They know that you are going through something. They just want you to be okay."

"I feel okay," Emily admitted before pulling apart from JJ's limbs and getting up. "I didn't have any nightmares and I feel clearer. I mean, I felt better after ending the relationship with Remi, but now… I don't know. I feel more like me."

JJ grinned at her friend and said, "I'm so glad, Em. Nothing makes me happier to know that you are feeling better. But you are right. We should probably head to the police station. Are you ready to go to work?"

"Hell yeah."

* * *

"I always felt better after getting divorced," Rossi told Emily on the way back to DC. He laughed when he saw the horror on the rest of the team's faces.

"Thanks for that comforting statement," Emily responded to him sarcastically as she rolled his eyes. She turned to the rest of the team and said, "I promise you guys, I'm doing okay. Better. Just ask JJ."

The profilers all turned to the blonde liaison. She nodded and said, "She's not lying, guys. We talked. She sounds good. She sounds like herself."

"See!" Emily cried out playfully as she received smiles from the team. "In fact, I think I'm going to host a game night. You are all invited. I will have to tell Garcia when we land. I'm thinking Friday?"

"If we don't have a case," Hotch replied, looking happy that his subordinate looked better. "I think that sounds like a great idea."

* * *

"Thank you so much, Emily!" Spencer cheered as they got out of the movie theater. "You were right about  _Untouchables_. It was pretty good."

"See! Now you believe me. Next up, we have to watch _Counterfeiters,_ " Emily promised him as she held onto his arm as they walked down the cold streets of DC. "It's a foreign film! And I know you love your foreign films!"

"That I do!" Spencer agreed happily. "Will it make me cry?"

"It's a holocaust film, so… yes."

Reid nodded, taking her suggestion into consideration. "When are we going to watch a movie that I want?"

Emily snorted as if he said something preposterous. "Who do you think you are? An equal member in this friendship?"

"Oh, haha. Just drive me home."

She laughed at his pretend annoyance. "Alrighty, let's go, Reid. I have a glass of wine to go home to."

"Yeah, don't want to be around for that."

* * *

The second that Emily walked into her large apartment, her phone rang. The one word that came to her mind was, _"Typical."_

She answered the phone by saying, "Emily Prentiss."

She heard a crackling sound and the noise of a glass clinking.  _"You whore."_

Emily raised her eyebrows. Not only did she not recall whose voice was on the phone, the comment was a little discerning. "Excuse me? Who are you?"

She heard the man on the phone chuckle.  _"Who am I? Well, Bitch. I certainly know you. You stole my woman."_

"Who the hell—" She stopped talking once she realized that the voice was familiar. "Shit— Will? Why are you calling me?" She put the phone on speaker and took her recording device out to tape his words. If he ever wanted to have a relationship with his son, Emily was going to do what she could to make sure that he wouldn't see Henry or JJ ever again.

_"JJ was mine, woman. All mine. I had her wrapped around my f-finger. I'd make sure she would stay. I wanted that piece of ass to stay with me forever. And my p-plan even worked! That ditz got pregnant! And she still chose you!"_

Emily was speechless. She could tell the southern man was drunk. But he could still be telling her the truth. "I am an FBI agent, Will. I can end your career with a phone call. I suggest you hang up and never talk to me or JJ ever again."

He laughed and hiccuped. _"How the hell could I have known that the beauty queen was a dyke? How the hell was I supposed to know when I propose, she would admit to me that she's in love with you? How was I supposed to know that she wouldn't want to marry the father of her child and be with a woman?"_

"Will—"

_"How the fuck could she choose you over me? How could she love_ you _?"_

Emily hung up the phone and stared at it. Her hands were shaking. She stopped the tape recorder and she fell to her knees. She was horrified and confused. She couldn't handle having so many unanswered questions.

She grabbed her phone and stood up, her legs still wobbly. She walked to her door and picked up her keys. She felt so lost. She needed answers. She needed to talk to the only woman who could answer them.

* * *

She knocked on the door rapidly and loudly until the door opened.

JJ, holding Henry, was startled by the sight of Emily looking so ghostly. She didn't even have the chance to tell her to come in since Emily walked right on through.

"Emily, what's—"

"I just ended a call with Will." Emily informed her and waited for a reaction.

JJ gaped at her. Her skin paled and her heart dropped. She suddenly couldn't look her friend in the eye.

Her voice cracked when she said, "What did he say?"

Emily paced around the room. "He said something about him asking you to marry him and then you told him that you loved me? Please tell me that he's lying."

JJ's lips quivered as tears bubbled up her eyes. She slowly walked over to Emily and sat down in the nearest seat. She stared off into nothing and shook her head.

"Why? Why would you tell him something like that? Did you want him to leave you?" Emily asked, not understanding the blonde's motive for what she had said.

Tears ran down her cheeks. She looked empty and hopeless. "I couldn't marry a man when I was in love with someone else."

"Then why didn't you tell him you were in love with _that_ person instead of lying and telling him you loved me?" Emily asked agitatedly. But her question was answered when she saw the blonde's head turn to look at her. Emily gasped. "I didn't— why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know until it was too late. You were happy with Remi, I couldn't ruin that," JJ explained sadly, watching her son sleep in her arms.

Emily's face became less dark. She was no longer angry. She was just… she couldn't believe what the blonde was telling her. "But you like men."

"I do," JJ breathed out, trying to stay in control as she felt Emily approach her. She watched as the brunette sat down next to her and look at her with such lovely eyes. "But then came you. I didn't know that I was attracted to women before you. But I know what I feel for you is real. I've been feeling it for a long time."

Emily blinked at her. JJ was everything she ever wanted and she was an inch away. Her eyes softened. She delicately presses her hand on JJ's cheek. "I didn't think you could ever love me."

"Funny," JJ replied, her blue eyes drowning in the dark ones. "I thought I could never deserve you."

Emily lost all control. One second she was staring at the liaison and the next, she was kissing her. Her lips pressed on hers. Tasting her. Loving her. It was new and passionate. And better than anything they could have ever imagined.

They only pulled apart when they heard Henry coo. They laughed and looked at the curious baby, who looked fascinated by the two women kissing.

"I think Henry approves," JJ joked lightly, looking from her son to her lover.

"I hope he does, I'm kissing his mother," Emily responded, looking into the blue eyes of the baby.

The blonde nodded and whispered, "This feels right to me. The three of us together. Like it was meant to be."

Emily looked up into the hopeful eyes of her colleague and said, "You don't think we are rushing it? Especially after Remi just left?"

JJ shrugged as if it was meaningless. "I think we have waited long enough, don't you think?"

Emily smiled and nodded. She leaned in and kissed her again. When the baby made more noises, she muttered, "Maybe we should put Henry in his crib and we can talk about this."

JJ nodded in agreement. "We have a lot to talk about."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of Jemily in this chapter! They are finally together! I know it probably seems too soon, but I wanted them together and happy so bad. I love em so much.
> 
> Will's an ass. Sorry about him. But don't worry, there is no more him in my story. And to all the fans who like him... sorry. I hate saying Dyke, but I thought it was important to his character.
> 
> Thanks for reading and reviews are welcome and appreciated! XX


	14. make this go on forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds! This is the last chapter before the Epilogue! That's crazy! Thank you guys for staying with this story!

Normally, the amount of light in the morning would have blinded Emily into a silent rage. There's a reason why Morgan jokes around and calls her a vampire. Any amount of sunshine prevents her from snoozing and which usually makes her  _very_  cranky. However this morning, in JJ's bed, she was all smiles and laughs.

They didn't have sex last night. No, they agreed that it was too soon. But that didn't prevent them from... exploring and learning new things about each other.

The "No Sex Until Further Notice" rule was just one of their many new laws that had been discussed throughout the night. Others included: "No sex on the job," "No flirting in front of the team," and "No telling parents until their relationships became serious." The only problem with that was that they were already kind of serious. They had to be. JJ was a mother and they had a job that didn't really support couples, especially not those of the same sex.

They didn't want the Bureau to know about their relationship (they weren't sure that they would be able to keep their jobs if they told anyone), but they did decide to tell Hotch. He was their boss and they agreed that he deserved to know. They hoped that he wouldn't separate them, but they knew it was a possibility. Separation on the job was scary as hell, but the idea of them not being together af all was a million times more frightening. They decided to tell Hotch after the next case. Telling everyone else would have to come later.

Emily couldn't hide her grin when JJ kissed her neck. "Damn, woman. The things you do to me. You have no idea."

"Oh," JJ smirked in her sultry voice. "I think I do." She traced her fingers along Emily's body. Like Remi had once done, she memorized all the marks on the brunette's skin. "You never told me that you have tattoos."

"Quando finisce la partita il re ed il pedone finiscono nella stessa scatola," Emily recited in Italian. As JJ traced the quote on her waist, Emily explained, "The literal translation is:'When you finish the game, the king and pawn end up in the same box.' Which really is just a fancy term for saying that we all meet in the same place in the end. I got it when I was fifteen. In Rome."

JJ listened carefully. "Did you get it after your abortion?"

Emily surprised herself before by telling the woman what the quote had meant. She surprised herself even more by indulging her with more information. The type of information that she had held back from Remi and everyone else she had ever been with.

"Yes. I wanted the pain of the tattoo, really. As punishment. And maybe it was a reminder as well. I thought… I don't know. That maybe one day I could meet them. In heaven or wherever I go when I die."

The blonde kissed her gently, trying to comfort her after her admitting something so private. "That's beautiful, Em."

"I got my other tattoo undercover," Emily whispered, unsure if she said it too quietly. She knew that she was taking a chance with telling JJ so much, but she felt like for the first time like she could talk honestly without the fear of anyone cowering away from her.

JJ blinked at her, not knowing whether to be surprised or underwhelmed. "I knew you were too good to be coming off of a desk job."

"I can't tell you about what I did. It's classified. But, I can tell you I definitely didn't have a desk job. I want to be able to tell you some of the things that I saw. I do. I want to be able to tell you about each one of my scars, but I'm not there yet. And I don't know if I ever will be."

The blonde nodded sympathetically. "That's okay. You don't have to tell me anything you aren't comfortable with. And I understand about it being classified. Just know that I won't judge you for what you had to do. And that I'm here for you."

Emily was in awe of the woman in bed with her. She shook her head in disbelief of her kindness and understanding. "Thank you."

JJ kissed her nose and told her, "You're welcome. Come on, Emmy. We should probably get up and get going. Though, I think I'd love to stay in bed with you forever."

"Me too," Emily said before groaning. She got up and started her normal routine in JJ's bathroom. Which was ironic since nothing about what they were doing was normal. But it was right.

* * *

Emily and JJ couldn't help but enter the Quantico building feeling a little flustered. Both felt a little paranoid walking into the bullpen, thinking that everyone could tell that they had spent the night with each other romantically.

"Emily!" Reid called out as he approached her excitedly. "I found  _The Lord of the Rings_  in Russian! I heard that it's better than in English. Do you want me to lend to you my copies when I'm done?"

"Sure!" Emily told him, trying to act as normally as possible. "So does that mean I'm going to get them in a few days?"

"Probably," Spencer agreed. He turned to JJ. "How'd you spend the night? Emily and I went to go see a movie."

JJ could feel the heat rise up her cheeks. She had kept her relationship with Will a secret from her team, but she had no idea how she could keep her relationship with Emily away from her friends for too long. Luckily, they weren't planning on keeping it a secret for a long time.

"I spent some time with my son. He's getting so old. Want to see some pictures?"

Emily hid a smile. She was impressed by how easily JJ had deflected the conversation to her son, which everyone wanted to pay attention to. She felt so happy watching Henry's godfather grin at the pictures of his godson.

"Are you guys looking at pictures of the Jareau Prince without me?" Penelope asked as she approached them at Spencer's desk. "Not fair."

"Don't pout, I just got my phone out!" JJ told her as she hugged her friend happily. She tried to avoid eye contact with the tech analyst. More than anyone, she hated keeping the secret from Garcia. JJ showed Penelope a picture of Henry in his new pajamas to get the attention off herself.

"Aww! He's so handsome! Unlike his ungodly father," Penelope snarled.

JJ rolled her eyes. Will was the last person she wanted to talk about. "Pen. It's okay. I don't need that son of a bitch. And I'm happy."

While Spencer and Penelope oohed and ahhed at the pictures, JJ flashed a smile at Emily, letting her know that she was the reason why she felt so joyful. When the blonde turned back to her other friends, Emily noticed that Rossi was watching them. He winked at her all knowingly and then walked away.

Emily couldn't help but swell up with pride. At least she knew that she had one person on their side.

"Excuse me? What's going on around here? Is there a party, I, Derek Morgan, wasn't invited to?" Derek asked as he entered the bullpen and set his stuff down on his desk and approached the group.

"We purposefully didn't send you the invitations, Derek. You are just known for being the party pooper," Emily joked lightly, looking all smug.

Morgan pretended to gasp and look hurt. "Ouch, Princess. I'm offended. Really. So, what are you all looking at?"

As he walked up to them, Garcia started jumping up and down. "We're looking at pictures of my perfect godson."

Derek looked at the pictures on the phone. "He's going to be a player. I already know it. He's going to be just like his Uncle Derek."

"That's a frightening thought," Emily muttered, making everyone else laugh.

"Yeah," JJ agreed. "Instead he is going to be in healthy, loving,  _serious,_  relationships."

"Much more attractive than whatever you do," Emily told him, smiling wildly at her partner.

Morgan punched his good friend jokingly. "I'll have you know, most people find me a catch."

"I'm sure your mother does think that," Spencer joked, not realizing that his comeback was actually hilarious. He watched everyone's reactions and awed faces and grinned.

"Woah, pretty boy!" Morgan said, putting his hands up in defense. "What has gotten into you? Is it 'Everyone Picks On Derek Morgan' day?"

"Isn't it that every day?" Hotch said in a nonchalant voice from behind them.

The team held back their snickers as they all turned to their boss, waiting for him to tell them some directions.

"We have a case. We are heading to Boston. Wheels up in twenty."

* * *

"This is the worst time to tell him," Emily told JJ as they whispered in the bathroom back in Quantico after they returned to DC. "Foyet escaped. He's not going to be in a good mood to talk about our relationship."

JJ understood Emily's point. "I know. But I think that if we keep delaying it, we will continuously find reasons why we shouldn't tell him. No case is easy. He's never going to be in the right mood."

Emily wanted to argue with her. She wanted to tell JJ that she was wrong. But she knew that the liaison was right. She knew that she was really just being afraid. She lowered her voice and said, "I don't want this to end. I'm— I'm scared."

The blonde's face melted seeing Emily's vulnerability. She kissed the profiler's forehead and said, "I know. I am too. But I think that we are going to be okay. We just have to be honest with him."

"Okay," Emily agreed. "Let's go now. Before we lose our nerve."

They walked to his office and knocked on the door. Once they heard him say, "Come in," they entered the room and closed the door.

Hotch looked up at them and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Is there something I could help you with?"

Emily and JJ sat down nervously. The blonde started the conversation, knowing that he was more comfortable with her.

"Hotch, we just wanted to let you know that we have recently begun a relationship. We are planning on having a serious and long relationship and thought that you should be aware of the situation."

Before Aaron could reply, Emily added, "We will make sure that our relationship won't get in the way of the job or our work ethic."

Hotch blinked at them several times, keeping a neutral face. He tried to process everything. "Thank you for letting me know. I presume that you want this information to stay away from higher positions?"

"We want this to stay between the team until we… become more serious. And then we can talk to Strauss and accept the consequences," JJ explained to their boss.

"We want to wait until we can prove to her that our work ethic hasn't changed since our relationship has begun," Emily added.

Hotch nodded, understanding that logic. "You both understand that couples do change the dynamic of the team, no matter how much you try not to?"

"Sir—" Emily said before stopping. She decided to wing it. She let go of her professional plan and became personal. "Aaron. JJ and I don't take this lightly. We wouldn't come to you if we didn't think that we could handle the job and the relationship. We both know our feelings for each other. The team would be more affected if we had unresolved tension between us. We don't want to hurt the team, but we also want to be happy. We want to be with each other."

JJ raised her eyebrows, surprised by how honest and emotionally vulnerable she had been with him. She also couldn't help but be very turned on by her girlfriend's passionate speech.

Hotch thought through Emily's argument and responded, "As your boss, I say that I can't promise you that this is going to be easy. If Strauss or anyone else finds out, I can't protect you. I can defend you, but I can't stop them from taking your job. But if you continue your good work, I don't care what you do in your personal time. However, as your friend, I want to tell you that I'm happy for you both. You truly deserve happiness and I'm glad that you found it with each other. The one thing I ask is that you both refrain from PDA on the job."

Emily and JJ nodded rapidly, happy that their boss was cool with what they were doing. They were thrilled, ecstatic even.

"Thank you, Sir," JJ told him as both she and Emily got up and left the room cheerfully.

As they walked down the ramp, they were met by Penelope, who squealed and wrapped her arms around her best friends.

"I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!" Garcia yelled out as she squeezed them tightly. "You guys are finally together."

"SHH!" JJ said as she pulled the tech analyst to the side. She whispered, "How the hell do you know?"

"Uh, I'm the Oracle of Quantico. Duh." She smiled at them and asked, "So how did you two dufus' finally get it on?"

JJ rolled her eyes. "We talked to each other, Pen. Don't think so dirty. We'll tell you more when we get out of here. Morgan's buying the first round, right?"

Penelope nodded and then squealed again. "Sorry! I'm just so happy for you guys! Finally, a romance in the office!"

"I need a drink," Emily said as she walked away from the two blondes. When she arrived at her desk to get her bag, she was greeted by Rossi.

"For some reason, I feel a lot of pride about you two," He mentioned quietly so that Morgan and Reid couldn't hear him.

Emily smiled at him appreciatively. She felt a lot more comfortable talking about her relationship with him rather than the tech analyst. "Thank you, Dave. It's taken a while."

"It'll all be worth it. You both already have a better relationship than I had with any of my wives. I wish you both all the happiness in the world."

Emily felt like her heart doubled in size as she smiled at the wise man and somewhat of a father figure. She wanted to hug him, but she knew that it would look suspicious. She hoped that he knew how much what he told her meant to her.

"I don't know about you guys, but I need a beer and loud music," Morgan said as he and the genius approached the other two profilers.

"If you replace beer with scotch and loud music with silence, I'd agree with you," Rossi joked as he put his bag on his shoulder.

"I'm in the mood for some wine. And possibly vodka. How about you, Boy Wonder?" Emily asked Spencer.

"Club soda. The last time I had alcohol with you guys I woke up in Morgan's bathtub."

The team laughed in remembrance of the night of drunken fun.

* * *

After the team had yelled and complained about Foyet's escape from prison for the fifth time, Hotch left the bar in anger and Emily got up and muttered under her breath, "I need another drink."

The liaison watched her girlfriend walk to the bar and she noticed that the others had seen that she was staring at her. She tried to turn their attention away from herself so she said, "I hope that Emily's doing okay."

"I think she's doing just fine," Rossi mentioned as he took a sip of his scotch.

"I second that," Garcia said as she clinked her glass with the older profiler.

JJ ignored his comment, realizing that he knew about their relationship. She turned to the other boys and waited for them to change the subject.

"Even though Emily is attracted to women, does she purposefully continue to flirt with men?" Reid asked his friend, confused as he watched Emily talk to a charismatic man at the bar.

"What?" JJ choked on her drink and she turned to the direction that Reid was looking at. She felt her grip on her drink get stronger.

"She playfully flirts," Morgan answered as he watched the interaction. "She's just trying to get away from this guy. You could tell by her body language. She's annoyed with him."

JJ could tell that as well. She felt the anger rising up her throat. She wasn't mad that she was talking to him. She was mad that this guy couldn't tell that Emily wasn't interested.

They all watched as Emily tried to dodge him, but he stepped in front of her, preventing her from walking away. They watched as Emily's eyes became daggers. They couldn't see this guy's face, but from Emily's, they could tell that whatever this guy was saying, it wasn't good.

"Do you think that I should go—" Morgan stopped talking when he was startled by JJ who jumped up from the table and walked to her girlfriend.

Rossi chuckled and said, "I think she's got it." He took another sip and watched the scene as if it was a soap opera.

As JJ neared them, she heard Emily say, "Please, get out of my way. I don't want to hurt you, but I won't hesitate to."

"Yeah, sure. How can you say that you aren't interested in me? You think you're a lesbian, but you just haven't been with a real man before," The gross asshole said before JJ tapped his shoulder. He turned around and looked the blonde from top to bottom. "Hey, sexy. Wanna get with—"

He couldn't finish his sentence due to JJ's fist hitting his mouth.

"No means no, douchebag. She's my girlfriend. Not yours. Get out of here," JJ snarled at him as she took Emily's hand.

Emily was in awe of what had just occurred. She didn't even see it coming. She watched the blood drip from his mouth before he hurried away. She turned to JJ, who looked embarrassed of what she had done.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I know that you could have handled that. I know that I shouldn't have hit him. He just made me so angry. I didn't even know—“ JJ was interrupted with a kiss.

Emily held onto her and whispered, "Thank you."

"They all know now," JJ muttered as she turned to look at their friends.

Garcia was clapping exuberantly, Rossi was giving them his thumbs up and a grin (again), Derek was whooping, and Reid looked like he was a deer caught in headlights.

"Yep," Emily agreed as she took her hand and led her back to their table.

Derek gave Emily a huge pat on the shoulder and said, "Damn, Princess. You got your knight in shining armor."

"Good punch," Rossi commented approvingly. "Though I might have wanted to take out some of his teeth."

Garcia squealed and wrapped her arms around her best friend's shoulders. "You guys are so cute!"

"Reid," Emily said, waiting for Spencer to close your mouth. "Are you trying to catch flies? Are you alright?"

"I thought that Remi left because you two were in two different places," Spencer declared unhappily. He got up from his chair and walked to the exit.

Emily followed him out the door and grabbed his coat. "Spencer, wait. Talk to me for a second. I want to explain."

"Explain what?!" The genius asked when they walked into the parking lot. He glared at her, trying to figure out how she could do such a thing. "You told me that Remi left because she wanted to leave the country. A few days after she leaves, you are kissing JJ? Did you leave her for JJ?"

"No!" Emily told him, her head shaking rapidly. "Oh, no. Spencer, I would have never done that. Listen to me for a second. I liked JJ. Long before I dated Remi. But when I was with Remi, I was a hundred percent with  _her_. I didn't cheat on her. I loved her to the best of my ability. But we weren't meant to be."

"So what, now you go on to JJ like it is no big deal?" Reid asked, obviously hurt.

Her eyes softened. She knew that his problem wasn't with her relationship with JJ, it was with how Remi had left. "You know, you're right. I know that it is probably too soon. But JJ and I have been waiting so long. And you know how it is in this job. People die every day. I don't want to lose what I have with JJ just because I was with Remi before. Remi wouldn't want me to be unhappy."

Spencer's glare dissipated. "I know. It's just that… I miss her. There aren't too many people that I meet that like the same things just as much as me. Besides you."

"I get it. And I'm sure that she misses you, too. But I'm also sure that she would love to hear from you."

He nodded and replied, "I know. I'm sorry. If you and JJ are happy, I'm happy for you guys. I just— I don't know. I wish things were easier."

Emily wrapped her arm around his shoulder and said, "Don't I know it, pal. Adulting is hard."

"I've been an adult the second I was born," Spencer joked.

Emily snorted and laughed. She ruffled his long hair and told him, "Yeah, yeah, funny guy. Come on, let's go back inside. I'm sure I have many more embarrassing questions to answer from Garcia and Derek."

* * *

"I can't believe Hotch is okay with it. If it was you and me, Emily, he would have definitely been against it." Morgan argued as they shared a platter of fried pickles.

"Oh, for sure," Emily agreed. "But JJ has this magic touch with him."

JJ rolled her eyes and hit Emily's shoulder. "Oh, be quiet. It was you who gave the emotional speech."

"You did?!" Garcia asked, gaping at the brunette. "What did you say?"

Emily glared at her girlfriend. "Really, Jen? I still have a reputation to maintain. They can't know that I actually have feelings!"

"So who initiated the relationship?" Rossi asked the couple.

"I mean," JJ explained. "I was the one to tell her that I had feelings for her. But it was sort of both of us. We just admitted that we had feelings for each other. But technically it was me, I guess."

"When can I start planning for the wedding?" Garcia asked, jumping up and down.

Both Emily and JJ groaned and said, "Garcia…"

* * *

"I think that went well," JJ said when they entered the blonde's apartment. "We aren't losing our job so that's a win."

"Definitely," Emily grinned before kissing her girlfriend. She looked down at Henry who they picked up from the sitter on the way home. He was sleeping peacefully in her arms. "I think he's tired."

"So am I after the few couples of days that we have had. I'm sorry, Em. I want to stay up with you, but I am so damn tired."

"Don't apologize," Emily whispered to her sweetly. "Let's go to bed. I'm exhausted."

* * *

"Thanks for dropping me off," Emily said as she opened the door to her apartment building a few months later. "I feel like I've been living at your place for weeks."

"You basically have been doing that," JJ agreed as they stopped in front of the mailboxes. "Though I'm not complaining."

"I have no idea why you would," Emily noted as she opened her box and looked through her mail. She noticed a letter with familiar handwriting and smiled. "I got a letter from Remi."

"Ooh!" JJ said excitedly and walked over to look over her shoulder. "Let me see!"

Emily read the letter as it follows:

_Dear Emily,_

_I have had a crazy few weeks. The flight was dreadful. Even though I had my headphones on, the person next to me thought that was still an invitation for her to talk to me. At least she was nice. Anyway, stepping off the plane just felt like coming home. Too bad that it wasn't India I was flying into. Dubai is beautiful. I planned on going to a new city per day, but I don't want to leave. Though, it isn't just the place that makes me want to stay._

_Can you even believe that I ran into Jordan at the airport? She told me that I convinced her to start traveling. I'm still in awe that we somehow picked the same place to fly into. Jordan keeps saying that it's fate. Maybe I'm hoping that it is. We've been spending all of our time together. She even got a hotel room in the same hotel as me. I think that we are going to start traveling together. Though, I'm not sure if I'm ever going to want her to leave._

_I hope that things are going well for you. How's Spencer doing? We've been emailing back and forth and he has been telling me all of the books he has been reading. But he hasn't told me anything about how he has been feeling._

_I miss you like I miss my best friend. But I think we still made the best decisions. Have you talked to JJ? And please don't give me the whole "JJ is straight" spiel. I love you, Em, but you really are an idiot._

_I would normally say that it would be weird about talking about S.O.'s to exes, but if I was too subtle before, Jordan and I are getting very close. She lets the light in._

_Email me back (I don't know where I will be by the time you get this)!_

_Remi Ramirez_

"Remi and Jordan, huh?" JJ asked, nodding as if she thought that it was surprising but a good idea.

"Yeah. I think they'll be really great for each other. I'm glad that Jordan is making her happy. They both deserve each other." Emily replied as she folded the letter. "I'm starting to think that everything is working out."

"Does that comfort or scare you?" JJ questioned, taking her hand as she looked at her girlfriend's face, trying to find out how she felt.

Emily didn't know to respond to that as they walked up the stairs and toward her apartment. "I'm not sure. I think I was scared, you know? For things to get serious. For things to get permanent. I spent so much time of my life going from place to place so that I didn't have to get close to anything. So I didn't have to love anything. So that if I lost it, it wouldn't kill me. But now, I have two families that love me. The team and you and Henry. I have so much to lose. And yeah, that scares me. But it's also exciting. And it brings me joy. And I don't have to feel so alone. I may have something to lose, but that also means I have something to fight for. I have something to live for." Emily opened the door and looked at the empty space. She then turned and looked at JJ, who was smiling at her comfortingly.

"What did you need?" JJ asked her before kissing her forehead.

Emily held her girlfriend close to her and said, "The only thing I need is you."

"Wow," JJ chuckled warmly. "You are a cheesy dork."

"Shut up," Emily snorted as she brushed the blonde hair out of JJ's face. "This isn't home to me, Jen. This stuff, my stuff, it's me. But I don't feel like myself if I'm not with you. I don't want to be here unless I am with you."

"I know how you feel," JJ admitted as she and her girlfriend walked over and sat down on the couch. "Every time you sleep over here, I can't sleep. I just hate how you have to come back here and feed your cat, water your plants, and take clothes. Just take your stuff back home. Hell, just move in with me."

The brunette raised her eyebrows and stared at her girlfriend. "Are you serious? Do you really want me to move in with you? I mean, that's a big step. And Henry—"

"Henry will want you to be there," JJ argued as she laid her head on the brunette's muscular shoulder. "And I want you there. We've been together for months, Em. We basically have been married for years. You are practically Henry's other mom. Let's just do it. We can ask for the team to help you move in. Or we can find a new place. It doesn't really matter. Nowhere is really home without you."

Emily turned her head slightly and kissed her girlfriend. "No, it isn't. You're my home. You and Henry. I want to move in with you."

They kissed just as passionately as their first one. It took them a while for them to get to this place. A place where they could be honest and healthy. But now that they were here, the wouldn't trade their relationship for anything in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. Super cheesy, right? They are so cute, I love them! Can I just say, I love my #1 supporter of Jemily, Mr. David Rossi. Thank you all for reading! The Epilogue will be coming out soon! Reviews are welcome and VERY appreciated! XX


	15. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds!
> 
> I hope you all enjoy the epilogue! Come find me at tumblr @jareauxprentiss and read my other fics!
> 
> This is it. Thank you all for going through this journey with me!

_**"The winters mar the Earth** _

_**It's floored with frozen glass** _

_**You slip into my arms** _

_**And you quickly correct yourself** _

_**Your freezing speech bubbles** _

_**Seem to hold your words aloft** _

_**I want the smoky clouds of laughter** _

_**To swim about me forever more"** _

"I cannot believe you, Emily," Elizabeth Prentiss complained as she paced around the bedroom as her daughter brushed her hair, trying to ignore her mother. "First you decide to get married here of all places, and now I find out you didn't invite all the people I told you to invite! I'm going to have to explain this to people, Emily."

Emily rolled her eyes and groaned. "I told you that we wanted a small wedding, mom. Just friends and family."

"You mean  _your_  friends and _Jennifer's_ family. What about your cousins and aunts and uncles, huh? What am I going to tell them?"

"I don't know, mother!" Emily muttered under her breath. "Just tell them we eloped. I don't care. I don't even know them."

"And what are people going to say when they hear that David Rossi walked you down the aisle, not a family member?" Elizabeth asked as she sat down on the bed.

Emily brushed her hair out of her face and turned to her mother, her dress making a loud noise when she moved.  "Why did you come? If all you were going to do was complain, why did you come to my wedding? You didn't want anything to do with me when JJ and I started to date two years ago. Why now do you care?"

The ambassador looked away from her daughter. She coughed to fill in the awkward silence and stood up.

"You're still my daughter, Emily. It would be unconventional for me to not attend your wedding. I'm going to go check on the flowers. And see if this house is still intact. God knows why you decided to get married in this old lake house."

The profiler was happy when her mother left. She finally felt peaceful on the happiest day of her life. She was marrying Jennifer Jareau. What else could be better?

She jumped when there was a knock and the door opened. After years of profiling for the FBI, flinching sort of came with the job. But when she opened the door, all anxieties subsided and she squealed when she saw someone she hadn't seen in years.

"Oh my god, Remi!"

"Emily!" Remi cheered as she hugged her old girlfriend. "It's so good to see you! I'm so sorry that we couldn't get here until now!"

"That's okay!" Emily told her as she let go of the familiar woman. "I'm just glad you got here. I haven't seen you in what, two years? I would have gone to see you if you didn't elope."

"I know, I know!" Remi said as she and Emily sat down on the bed. "But we just wanted to get it over with. And we really wanted kids."

Emily grinned at her friend. "When's Jordan due again?"

"Three months," Remi told her. "We're super excited. We are settling down in Toronto, can you believe it?"

The agent pretended to gasp. "You? Settling down? Living in one place? I can't even imagine it!"

"Ha, ha. But, I know. It feels all so surreal. I wish you could have been there for the wedding. You introduced us, we owe everything to you."

Emily shrugged as if it was no big deal. "It was you guys who fell in love. I only introduced you guys. You did all the rest."

"Thank you," Remi said as she gave her another quick hug. "And… I told you so! I told you that JJ wasn't straight!"

The profiler glared at her playfully. "Oh, shut it. But thank you. Without you, I don't think that I would have been able to do this. Have a healthy relationship… let her in. All of it."

"Aww, Em. You always had it in you. I just reminded you that you are worth being loved. That's all you needed was that little reminder."

Emily smiled at her and said, "Well, thank you. And thank you for coming and helping me calm down. Did someone send you in here after my mother left?"

"Spencer told me to come in. He said that he would come in himself but that he was JJ's bridesmaid, so he thought it would be a conflict of interest, that dork."

Emily laughed and shook her head in disbelief. "That sounds like him all right. JJ told me that I didn't have to invite her, but I knew that if I didn't, she would never forgive me. And while the idea of never having to talk to my mother sounds wonderful, I know that I'd regret it eventually."

"Just forget that she's here," Remi suggested with a shrug. "You don't owe her anything. Besides, this isn't her day. It's yours. Just let yourself be happy."

The profiler nodded and smiled. She took a deep breath and let it out. "You're right. Thank you. How much time do I have?"

Remi checked her watch and answered, "Ten minutes. How are you doing? Need me to send someone else in? Getting cold feet?"

"No," Emily said without hesitation. "No, I feel ready. I'm ready to be JJ's wife. Do you know how JJ is doing?"

"From what Spencer told me, she's doing good! He told me that her mother came to her senses and helped JJ put her dress on. I'm guessing the Jareau family wasn't too happy to hear that their daughter was with a woman?"

Emily nodded slowly. "Yep. After we moved in together, her parents came over for a surprise visit to see their grandson. They weren't too thrilled about me living there. They have started to get used to it, though. Mr. Jareau is still walking his daughter down the aisle and her mom finally started helping with the wedding. Her brother was pretty cool about it, though. Maybe too cool, if you know what I mean."

"What is it with guys being into girls kissing girls?" Remi asked, shaking her head disapprovingly. She changed the subject. "I saw Strauss out there. Can't say I'm not surprised. Especially with what you told me about the things she had done."

"Yeah, things were hard for a while. Strauss found out about us when she realized that we had the same address. She told us that she was going to fire one of us, but Rossi was able to convince her otherwise. I can't tell you how, though. He's a mysterious man and his past with that lady is that much more mysterious. But when we told her that we were getting married she asked if she was getting an invitation. We felt like we had to invite her."

"Weird," Remi noted as she nodded, listening thoroughly. "But I'm happy that you both get to keep your jobs."

Emily chuckled lightly. "Yeah, me too."

Her attention was interrupted when the door opened and Rossi stepped inside the bedroom. "Emily, are you ready?"

Remi muttered, "Oops! I better get going! I'll see you out there!" She patted Emily's shoulder before heading out of the room and to her seat in the backyard.

Rossi walked over and brushed Emily's hair out of her face and smiled, much like a father would on the day of his daughter's wedding. "You look beautiful, Emily. I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you, Dave," Emily whispered before hugging her fatherly figure.

"You're welcome," He told her before checking his watch. "We have exactly one minute before we have to start walking. JJ's father and I planned it perfectly so that you would both walk in together at the exact same moment. How are you feeling?"

"Excited to be JJ's wife. Excited to do this in front of my friends and family. Do you know how JJ is doing?"

Rossi chuckled and replied, "Of course, you want to know how someone else is doing. From what I heard, JJ and Penelope were dancing to loud music. I stayed far away from that room when it happened. But she's doing well, I think. You'll see her in a few seconds. In fact, I think we should get going. You ready?"

Emily took a deep breath and grinned. "Hell yeah."

David took the profiler's hand as they walked out of the bedroom. They traveled down the stairs and opened the back door (JJ was coming from the front). She saw the small group of people sitting around the aisle turn to look at her. She focused her attention on her best man, Derek, so that she didn't become nervous.

However, the man didn't have her attention for long. From the other side of the aisle, she saw JJ, smiling and holding onto her father for dear life. The air escaped her mouth. She was speechless as she saw her fiancee in her long, dazzling, white dress that hugged and caressed her body. Emily couldn't help but have tears in her eyes when she saw the woman she loved come closer and closer to her. She was so close to having everything she ever wanted... and more.

JJ didn't think that her smile could ever falter when she saw Emily wear her shorter, lacey, red dress. It wasn't traditional, but it was Emily. And that made JJ love it that much more.

They were a few feet away from each other now and all they wanted was to bd in each other's arms. Every second felt so long when they weren't holding each other. But finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, they reached each other. It was like coming home.

JJ's father, Jacob, placed his daughter's hand into Emily's and shook Rossi's hand. He stepped away and sat down next to his wife and his son.

The blonde squeezed Emily's hand, holding on for dear life. They stared into each other's eyes, but their attention moved from each other to their son when he ran up to them shouting, "Mommy! Momma!" He hugged his parents, causing them and everyone else to laugh. Emily swelled with pride. She loved being Henry's mother. Everything, _everything_ , was right.

Emily heard a squeal and looked away from JJ and saw Garcia almost jump up and down. The brunette held in her laughter when she saw Reid, who was JJ's other bridesmaid, try to contain Garcia's excitement as well as Henry's (who had just decided that he wanted to stand next to his Uncle Spence).

Rossi, who was also the wedding officiant, cleared his throat and moved so that he was in front of them and the audience. "Friends and family, we are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Emily Prentiss and Jennifer Jareau. These young women are some of the finest people I have ever known. They are wonderful agents, friends, family members, and parents. Which is why I have no doubt that their marriage will be just as extraordinary.

"I met Emily and JJ a few years ago. And let me be honest with you, I wasn't the most welcoming guy at the beginning. But little by little, these girls and the team helped me out of my shell and have become the family I never had. And I know that JJ and Emily have done the same for each other. They have fallen in love and became the light for each other in all of the darkness we experience every day. I am so lucky to have met the most lovely couple. And now, Emily and JJ are going to say their vows before they say, 'I do.'"

Emily turned to Derek and he passed her the ring with a wink. She turned back to JJ and declared, "Jennifer Jareau, I am unconditionally in love with you. And I have been since I first met you. And let me tell you, Jen, it scared the shit out of me in the beginning. Feelings and me don’t normally mix. I tried my hardest to push down anything that made things difficult. And you, you were certainly difficult. But in the greatest way possible. You didn't let me close myself off from everyone. You made sure I felt welcomed and loved. And ever since then, I've been a different person. A better person. With you, I can be the person I have always wanted to be. And now, the idea of spending the rest of my life with you doesn't even scare me. In fact, it thrills me. Nothing makes me happier than knowing I get to be the person who wakes up to you every morning for the rest of my life. I am the luckiest woman in the world to have you love me."

The brunette placed the ring on JJ's finger as the blonde let a few tears fall down her cheeks. JJ sniffled and got the rings from Penelope.

"Emily Prentiss, you complete me in ways I had no idea was possible. When my sister died, I thought there was a part of me that also died. It was the part of me that allowed me to love and trust and have long, serious relationships. I kept everyone at a distance hoping they would never find out about the missing parts. But here's the thing that I realized when I met you: what was once missing can always be found. The parts of me weren't dead. They had just gone away until the second I met you. You taught me how to love again. And you also love Henry with all your heart. And I can't believe how happy you make me. You complete my heart, you complete my family, and you complete me. You make me so happy and I am so in love with you, and I can't wait for us to add additions to our family."

After Emily and JJ told Rossi their 'I do's, they kissed and held each other close.

They didn't know how long they were kissing. A second, a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a lifetime. They didn't know. Time didn't exist when they were in each other's arms.

They only ceased the kiss when they both felt a light tug on their dresses. They looked down and saw Henry pointing to seats in the audience. The two women looked in the direction that he was pointing to and saw the two empty seats in the front row where the family was supposed to sit. One of the seats was next to Elizabeth. The other was between the Jareaus.

They gasped and held hands. They didn't need an explanation. They knew the seats were for Emily's dad and JJ's sister. They wrapped their arms around each other, tears in both of their eyes. They felt Penelope tap their shoulder and they turned around to look at her.

"This was Reid's idea," The tech analyst told them.

They both walked up to the boy genius and hugged him. They thanked him and kissed him and made sure that he knew that they appreciated all the thought he put into the idea. Now, they finally felt like their deceased family members were there.

"Congratulations, agents," Hotch said as JJ and Emily walked around thanking people for coming.

"Oh, please," JJ told him. "It's JJ and Emily here, Aaron. You sat in the family section for a reason."

"Thank you for inviting us," Haley said as she walked up to them with her son trailing behind her. "We are so happy for you." She placed her hand on her husbands.

Emily and JJ smiled. They had gotten remarried a few months previously. Hotch admitted to them that after seeing how happy JJ and Emily were that he wanted to try again with Haley. It took him a while for him to get Haley to agree to go on a date with him and convince her that he would try to be better, but once he did, their relationship picked up to when they first got married.

"Thank you, Haley," Emily told the woman kindly. "You gave us the best wedding advice ever. It was so helpful."

"Well, I have gone through it twice," She joked sweetly. "It was a lot better the second time. Smaller weddings are better. And eat right after the wedding. That way no one gets bored."

"Well, Rossi did a lot of the planning," JJ admitted to her. "He knows a lot of people. One phone call he got catering service half off. He's a wedding genius."

"So true," David said as he walked up to the group. "It could be my third job. You know, after being the best profiler and writer." He turned to Haley and Hotch. "Follow me, guys. Penelope wants to tell you all how cute you are for the billionth time."

As Hotch and Haley walked to find Morgan, Spencer, and Penelope playing with Henry and Jack, JJ and Emily walked up to the Jareau family.

"Oh, pumpkin!" Jacob Jareau yelled as he hugged his daughter. "I am so happy for you! And you!" He said as he turned to his daughter's wife and hugged her. "Emily, thank you for making my little girl and grandson so happy!"

"Aww, thanks, dad. You're the best. And mom, thank you for coming," She hugged her mother for a brief second. Her mother still wasn't okay with everything, but she was getting there. Slowly.

"Wow, Jenny," JJ's brother, Stephen said as he pulled his sister into a hug. "Can't believe you got married before me. Though, I'm a proud bachelor."

"I'm sure you are, Steve," The blonde snorted before saying, "I just want to thank all of you for being here and for supporting me and Emily. Your love means so much to the both of us. We are just so happy that you want to stay in our lives. It means the world to us."

"Well, Jen, we know how happy Ros would be if she were here today. I know she is just looking down on you right now with the biggest smile on her face. We are all very proud of you. Isn't that right, honey?" Jacob asked his wife.

JJ's mother nodded with only a little bit of hesitation. But that was good enough for all of them.

* * *

"Agent Jareau, Agent Prentiss, congratulations!" The section chief said politely as she shook hands with both women.

"Thank you for coming, Ma'am," JJ told the woman, trying to match the politeness. "We appreciate all the support you have given us in the past year. Thank you so much."

"Well, you two are great agents with a great future. It would have been a crime to transfer either of you. The BAU is lucky to have two wonderful agents such as yourselves. Pardon me, I see that Agent Rossi is by his lonesome," Strauss said quickly before making her way toward the eldest profiler.

JJ and Emily watched the strange interaction between the two people. They turned to each other and shrugged. They couldn't guess what their past could be. They only knew that it probably had saved their careers, so they couldn't complain.

* * *

Emily and JJ didn't want to be that cheesy, annoying, overly happy couple, but they couldn't help it when they were around each other. At the small reception outside (after all the chairs were moved and were placed around tables), JJ and Emily fed each other sips of champagne. They knew that the team was making fun of them. But at this point, they just didn't care.

Before the cake was to be sliced, Derek stood up and clinked his glass with a spoon. "Hi, hello, everyone. I am Emily's best man, and as the best man, it is only tradition to give a toast. Also, following tradition, my short little speech is going to be a story that basically makes fun of Emily Prentiss the whole time." He turned and winked at Emily who was playfully glaring at him.

"When I first met and started to get to know Emily Prentiss, I learned early on that she was tough, courageous, ambitious, a risk taker. She was a perfect partner in so many more ways than one. The only personal information I knew about her was what I could look up in her files. Smart, well educated, and a helluva good agent. She worked hard and kept everything separate from her personal life. The team joked around for a while about whether or not she was a spy. Anyway, she didn't get into feelings for a while. So let me tell you, a few months ago, when she called me at 2:00 AM, I thought that something was wrong, not that she needed me to help her pick out a ring for JJ. Now, to be fair, Emily had started coming out of her shell once we all started to trust and get to know each other better. And when she and JJ started dating, she was almost at the point that she was willing to talk about anything. Back to the story, though.

"So, it's 2:00 AM, she calls and tells me that she needs to see me. I thought an UnSub was after her, or something, so I rushed to her apartment. Emily opens the door, fully clothed, and says, 'we need to go shopping.' I think I almost hit her in the dead of night. I was mad, but she started doing this puppy dog eye thing and told me that on a whim she asked Mr. Jareau for his permission to ask JJ to marry her. Well, Emily said that she was more than surprised when he said yes. She realized that she needed to actually get a ring and ask her before he got suspicious. I remember asking her why she couldn't find a ring on her own time, but she started to beg and told me that she had no idea what she was looking for and that she needed help. So, I gave in. Emily rarely asks me for something, so I knew it was a big deal for her to ask.

"You'd be surprised by how many jewelers are open in the middle of the night. We went to seven of them in the first hour. Emily was getting frustrated because she didn't find 'the one' and that everyone thought that we were a couple. By we got to the eighth place, we just told them that we were a couple to stop people from asking. But man, was she pissed. After the tenth store, I pulled her aside and asked her what was wrong. She finally admitted to me that she wanted the ring to be perfect because she said that JJ deserved perfect and that she, herself, wasn't perfect, so she at least needed a good ring. I think I laughed at her for a solid five minutes before she hit me and I stopped. I gave her a hug and told her that we could keep looking. The next place we went to had the perfect one.

"I tell you this embarrassing story, not only to make fun of my dear friend but to shed light on how much JJ has changed Emily for the better. Emily and JJ are two of my dearest friends. And they have shown all of us how a relationship can make two people better and stronger. To Emily and JJ."

Everyone raised their glasses to the couple and drank. JJ looked at Emily and mouthed, "Did that really happen?"

Emily nodded, trying to hide her embarrassment. Before Emily and JJ could talk about what Morgan had just announced, Garcia stood up.

"I am a romantic," Penelope told the group of friends and family. "Everyone who knows me knows that. I just love, love. And JJ and Emily, man, were they tough to get together. I enjoyed the challenge, though. It wasn't easy, no. It took a while for them to realize that they had feelings for each other. And there were a few bumps along the way. Some of them were welcomed bumps, like Henry and Remi, and some of them were not. Like all the murderers and such. And I won't say that I was the only thing that got them together, but I sure did all I could to make sure they knew they liked each other.

"I remember one time in particular. After a hard case, we went to the bar. I was having drinks with my good friend, JJ, and she could hardly pay attention to what I was saying. It took a while for me to realize what in the world could be more interesting than me. That was when I looked over and saw that JJ was watching my other good friend, Emily Prentiss, dancing with some guy. That was also the first time I had noticed jealousy from JJ. But, that wasn't, of course, the first time I noticed an attraction between them. It was, however, the first time I realized that I needed them to get together. Besides, all the sexual tension was just getting to me. So, I did a few things once in a while. I planted ideas in the drunk minds, I changed hotel reservation, I had more and more girls nights. And finally, they got together. And not to toot my own horn, but that's because of me." She raised her glass. "To me! I'm kidding. To Emily and JJ."

One, after the next, after the next, people toasted to their relationship. One of the most meaningful speeches came from Spencer, who said, "I'm a genius. At almost everything but feelings and relationships. I don’t understand them. The only ones I knew had failed or gone astray. I don't understand why anyone would go through the trouble. Excuse me, I  _didn't_  understand why anyone would go through the trouble. Before Emily and JJ, I didn't understand how healthy and happy a relationship could be. I didn't know how complex, yet simple, it could be. I now know that I was mistaken. Relationships don't always make sense, but JJ and Emily's does. To Emily and JJ."

Last, but not least, was Rossi. He stood up and declared, "My marriages are the perfect examples of what not to do. That might sound like an exaggeration, but let me tell you, it isn't. With all my failed marriages, I thought that relationships in the BAU just don't work out. That they aren't possible. But then came JJ and Emily. And boy, did I realize that I was wrong. I am so proud of them for making it work. They have made me believe that love is possible again. Raise your glass to JJ and Emily."

Emily and JJ kissed and everyone clapped. Yes, love was possible.

* * *

After eating cake and other sweets, it was time to start the music. The couple got up and walked to the dance floor. They held each other close. Their eyes were on each other.

"I love you," Emily whispered as they swayed to the music as the sun went down. "This day has been perfect."

"Even if your mom is here?" JJ asked as she tried to follow Emily's lead. She wasn't as used to dancing as Emily was.

The brunette laughed and nodded. "Even if my mother is here. She isn't being as horrendous as I thought she was going to be. I haven't even spoken to her since the beginning. She's been hiding out in the back for a while."

"Yeah, she looks like she is feeling a bit awkward here. I can't believe how nice my parents are being. Mom didn't frown once."

"Everything has been looking up for a while now," Emily told her as she cupped the blonde's face.

"I love you," JJ said as she kissed her wife. "Mrs. Jareau."

"I love you, too, Mrs. Prentiss."

"Eww!" Henry yelled as he ran to his parents.

Emily and JJ laughed as they pulled their son into a hug. The two women took his hand and danced with him as a fun song came on.

From there, JJ danced with her dad as Emily danced with her father figure, Rossi. They then went on to dance with everyone there. For the next few hours, they danced and talked and laughed and loved.

* * *

After most people had gone home or gone to bed (some family and friends decided to stay at the house with them), JJ and Emily sat outside on their balcony. They watched the stars sparkle and the moon shine. They held hands and stared into the nothingness.

"Emily," JJ said quietly. "I have something for you." She got up and grabbed a bag from the closet in their bedroom. She passed it to Emily.

"A present? Jen…" She stopped talking when she saw JJ glare at her. She opened the bag and pulled out the soft bear that brought tears to her eyes.

Emily didn't try to hold back her tears. She gaped at the gift and turned to JJ. "How? I thought… I thought it was gone."

JJ shook her head as Emily smelled and hugged it. "I talked to your mom. She still had it. She kept it after all these years."

"You talked to my mom?" Emily asked, impressed by all the effort.

The blonde nodded and replied, "She cares, Em. I know that she treated you bad throughout your childhood. But I do think that she cares. In her own way. Your mom was also more than willing when I told her why I wanted the bear."

"And why is that?" Emily asked, confused that her mother could be so accommodating.

"I told her that we were going to have kids that would love to sleep with Terrance," JJ said with a wide grin on her face.

Emily gaped at Her wife, completely astonished of the woman. “You are a miracle, JJ. How are you so perfect?”

"I fell in love with you," JJ answered humbly as she brushed hair out of Emily's face. "So are you happy?"

"Happy? I'm— I'm speechless. I'm so excited to continue my life with you. I'm so in love with you and our family. Our growing family."

JJ kissed her lightly and unzipped Emily's dress so that she could see her back and the fairly new tattoo. She traced her fingers over the tattoo with her and her son's initials in a bunch of stars. She kissed her back and then pulled her to the bedroom. They were  _definitely_  going to celebrate.

_**"The shells crack under our shoes** _

_**Like punctuation points** _

_**The planets bend between us** _

_**A hundred million suns and stars** _

_**The sea filled in this silence** _

_**Before you sank those words** _

_**And now even in the darkness** _

_**I can see how happy you are** _

_**It's all for you"** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quotes are lyrics from the song, "The Planets Bend Between Us" by Snow Patrol. If you haven't listened to this band, you should. It's so much better than the most popular song, "Chasing Cars."
> 
> Thank you all for staying with this story. I am so happy to end it so happily and so cheesily. Your overwhelming support has gotten me through some rough days recently and I am so thankful.
> 
> If you guys enjoyed this story I very much suggest you read my other story, "Not A Fantasy, Not A Dream, It's Just You and Me." It's a bit darker, but it's Jemily. I don't know how often I'll be able to write with school starting on Monday, but I hope to have more stories coming out soon.
> 
> Once again, thank you all. Reviews are welcome and so very appreciated! XX

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! "In Heat" is referenced a bunch. (Though Will isn't in this chapter, thank god. I'm not a fan of him.) Do you guys think Derek is right about Emily getting over her feelings for JJ? Do you guys like Remi? I know you guys will want to hate her because if Em's with her, she isn't with Remi. But I don't want you guys to hate her. She's really a good person and I love her so much. Thanks for reading, guys! Hope you enjoy the rest of the story! Reviews are welcome and highly appreciated! XX


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